The big story of this weekend was really the death of BASEketball, a death almost as shocking in the negative as last weekend’s $30.1 million opening for Saving Private Ryan was in the positive. But, since the film didn’t make the Top 10, you’ll have to read more about that below. The Top 10 leads off with the Private, as it did last week, falling just 23 percent to $23.3 million. (That’s not a typo. That’s a coincidence.) The top newcomer of the wide release quartet was The Parent Trap, which took second place with a three-day total of $11.5 million, adding to the $5 million that it took in on Wednesday and Thursday. That’s solid, but hardly overwhelming. Look for the film, which got generally good reviews and is pretty much the last new kids’ film of the summer, to join the list of leggy films out there right now. The only change of Top 10 position amongst the returning movies was There’s Something About Mary‘s jump ahead of Zorro and Lethal Weapon 4 to take third place with $11.5 million, once again dropping minimally (just 12 percent this week after an 8 percent fall last week). The Negotiator was unable to talk itself into bigger numbers with just $10.4 million over the weekend after taking in less than $2.9 million on Wednesday and Thursday. Why didn’t the film open more successfully? Most wags will blame the lack of a “major” movie star. That could be part of it. There also seemed to be a lot of people who felt they had seen the whole movie in the trailer. They hadn’t, but in today’s world of six-months-to-video, any hesitance by the public can mean failure.
There was a fifth place tie between Ever After and The Mask of Zorro, each copping $8.5 million. That’s a decent opening for Cinderella with word-of-mouth ultimately deciding the film’s fate. (You know, in coming up with a pun, I realized that we don’t often see Drew’s legs, just her torso and face. Just a random thought). And it’s a 37 percent drop for Zorro, which kills me. (It’s quickly becomming another film that’s going to be an unsurprising surprise hit on video, along with Out of Sight.) Lethal Weapon 4 took seventh with its now traditional 40 percent drop (well, really 41 percent this week) to $7.7 million. Armageddon also repeated its drop (33 percent) to hit the eight spot with $7.5 million, passing $160 million and looking like it will self-fulfill Joe Roth‘s $180 million “estimate” from a few weeks ago. Dr. Dolittle took one of its biggest drops, falling a full 40 percent. But don’t cry for the doc, as he passed $125 million with a $4.4 million weekend. Finally, MAFIA! (or Jane Austen‘s Mafia! or The Gagfather) stayed in the Top 10 with $3.6 million. Still a failure in its own right (with under $14 million total to date), as Airplane! trio Zucker (BASEketball), Abrahams (MAFIA!) and Zucker (still not greenlit since First Knight) would appear to be forced to pass the comedy torch to the darker humor of The Farrelly Brothers, much as horror was shifted into “All Irony, All The Time” with Scream.
THE GOOD: Legs! We have legs! After starting off with the ultimate short-timer, Godzilla, this summer has finally found its legs. One of the most oft written comments I see in e-mails on Saving Private Ryan is how the film sticks with viewers long after a viewing. That means more viewings. There’s Something About Mary started out slowly, but is staying the course with the best hold-over figures since Titanic. Dr. Dolittle has been remarkably long-limbed. And yes, after the intense campaign by Disney for the world not to see Armageddon as a Godzilla-like flop, that film has held on well, too.
THE BAD: Bad news from the Trailer Park. I suffered the indignity of seeing the The Avengers trailer yet again. ‘Nuff said. The trailer for the new Jean-Claude Van Damme movie, Knock Off made almost as little sense as the title (what does Knock Off have to do with the Chinese getting back Hong Kong?). And worse, the herky-jerky editing appeared to be demanded by the herky-jerky “Look, I’m just like John Woo without the talent” shooting style of the latest wannabe. And finally, A Night at the Roxbury ran a full two minutes in a packed theater without generating a single laugh until the very last shot. That shot is of Will Ferrell and Chris Katain in butt-floss bikinis. I guess we are supposed to take home that their lack of attractive rear ends is the central joke of the film. BAD! BAD TRAILER!
THE UGLY: It doesn’t get much uglier than the weekend BASEketball had. Three million dollars for eleventh place. The film was well marketed by Universal. I mean, they tried everything they could. They even turned up on the sports sites that I have been known to visit with ads using technology that I hadn’t seen before. And I like “South Park.” The guys are funny (even if they’ve duded “dude” to death). I think Jenny McCarthy has a real gift for being honest and self-effacing that still hasn’t found its way past her breasts and blonde hair. Zucker obviously has skills, but these kinds of movies are always a gamble. You never know whether you got s–t or Shinola until it’s made. The form is basically a bunch of jokes, just like a sitcom. But a bad sitcom episode can be made up for the next week. If you have one great episode for every three mediocre ones, you have a hit. One good parody movie out of four and you have a major career. Only you have to be called “The Ugly” by me three times along the way.
THE CHAT: This Friday, I shall not chat alone. Join me and my guests, the star and the director of first love, last rites, Natasha Gregson Wagner and Jesse Peretz. Friday. 10:00 p.m. GMT/2:00 p.m. PT/5:00 p.m. ET.
TWO MOVIES EQUAL: BASEketball + Armageddon = BASEketgeddon What happens when Michael Bay teams up with those wacky guys from “South Park” to save the world? Well, let’s just say that all they need to explode the asteroid is a match and plate full of beans! Flatulence was never so funny OR so beautifully shot. The pull-quotes are already in! “I laughed so hard I almost believed myself when I said that I liked it!,” Bobby Wygant. “grOss!,” Ron Brewington. “How Can You Complain About Me When There is Crap Like This Out There?,” Godzilla.
JUST WONDERING: This is for those of you who have already seen The Negotiator. Can anyone else relate J.T. Walsh‘s performance in this to Courtney Love‘s in The People vs. Larry Flynt? If you did, I bet you found it as spooky as I did. If not, write and I’ll tell you privately, not ruining the film for others.
BAD AD WATCH: First, there was good news this week. Bill Zwecker, the infamous pull-quote slut who carried the “NBC-TV Chicago” tag, has left NBC-TV Chicago. He won’t be reviewing movies anymore and claims there will be no more pull-quotes. Hurray. As for existing bad ads, gotta go back to BASEketball. On Saturday, Universal ran an ad loaded with pull-quotes from seven low-rent outlets. Bad enough. The eighth, oddly, was The New York Times. Go figure. On Sunday, in L.A., no pull-quotes. Better. But in the Chicago papers, there it was. Ain’t It Cool News, the solo pull, with the insightful, “A perfect synergy of the disturbingly modern humor of ‘South Park’ and the films Naked Gun and Airplane!.” I guess the folks at the U realized crap like that wouldn’t fly in big, bad L.A. As it turns out, the reason Harry Knowles is not credited with the pull-quote is that it isn’t his. It is the AICN’s ubiquitous, moronic, masturbatory “Joe Hallenbeck” character who wrote that gem. So Universal is quoting someone that they have no way of knowing even exists. Very, very bad.
READER OF THE DAY: Rak39 wrote: “I must disagree with you on the film Ever After. My friend and I pass out opinion cards for Hollywood Hotline, so we get to see every film that comes out for free. We loved the movie! And the responses reflected the same from most people. My votes for best movies so far this summer would be The Mask of Zorro, The Negotiator and Ever After. I feel as strongly about this movie as you do about Out of Sight. I hope it does better than you are predicting.”

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