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David Poland

By David Poland

A Comprehensive Guide To The Artistry Of Miss Jessica Alba

And if you want to see the QT version of these selected (read: remotely worth watching) moments from the new Into The Blue trailer… it’s here.

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17 Responses to “A Comprehensive Guide To The Artistry Of Miss Jessica Alba”

  1. Panda Bear says:

    She is the tops. No wonder Tom Cruise had her #1 on his list of prospective fake girlfriends.

  2. PastePotPete says:

    Thanks for sharing Dave.

  3. cullen says:

    alba is intensely hot…almost impossibly sexy…if only she could act her way out of a paper bag and maybe we’d have something here…honestly, she’s as wooden as….well, i’ll just leave it at that…

  4. Rory says:

    These ‘wooden’ comments about Alba have never meant much to me. Since, unlike most actresses, she’s very subtle. If you miss it. Then you might assume she has just decided to be scenery instead of a part of the scene. Her eyes and facial expressions tell a different story.

  5. joefitz84 says:

    Dave, that might be the best thing you have ever posted here.

  6. Martin says:

    alba is subtle, haha.

  7. jeffmcm says:

    Rory, that’s a nice try, but she’s about as subtle as her bikini. Maybe she was good on Dark Angel, but in the three films I’ve seen her in (Idle Hands, Sin City, F4) she hardly registered.

  8. LesterFreed says:

    That body ain’t subltle. That body in unreal.

  9. Angelus21 says:

    I guess she would have to be considered a bigger star than Scarlet J now.

  10. sky_capitan says:

    Until I saw The Island today, I didn’t know Into The Blue is a hollywood movie, not just a James Cameron with Jessica Alba deep sea documentary (okay that’s hard to believe maybe, but I serioiusly thought that’s what it was… I manage to stay uninformed on such details).
    Into The Blue is the worst trailer I remember seeing over the last few years. Awful. When Into The Blue tanks, Angelus21, you won’t be saying Alba is a bigger star than Scarlett.
    The other trailers I saw before The Island- Walk The Line and Red Eye- both looked great to me. I wouldn’t have thought I would want to see a biopic like Walk The Line, but now I do. And when the trailer for “Just Like Heaven” played, the only comment I heard in the theater was someone saying “kinda weird.” I’ll agree with that.

  11. Martin says:

    In theory Just like Heaven will play very well, but the trailer just looks ridiculous and not funny at all. Say what you will about Ruffalo as an actor, but he’s never struck me as a funny guy or a funny straight guy. And Heder looks way out of his element. But who knows, maybe the movie is vastly better than the trailer.

  12. Stella's Boy says:

    I agree Martin. I’m a huge Ruffalo fan, but I didn’t care for him in 13 Going on 30. He didn’t seem to fit well with that type of movie.

  13. Angelus21 says:

    Hey Cap,
    Ask the people behind FF right now if Alba isn’t a bigger star than Scarlet. That movie keeps chugging along and some of the credit has to go to Alba for that. Watch Into the Blue make 80 mill too.

  14. joefitz84 says:

    Scarlet is the much better actress. But Jessica is box office right now. And I’ll admit it. I watch Honey everytime its on. It’s like some power controls me. Maybe its Alba’s abs or acting or potions.

  15. KamikazeCamel says:

    Alba’s face is sort of weird. Like she’s already had a lot of plastic surgery or something.

  16. bicycle bob says:

    thats blasphemy.

  17. TheBrotherhoodOfTheLostSkeletonOfCadavra says:

    Fox spent two years trying to cram her down our throats with DARK ANGEL, and it didn’t take. The idea that she could now be considered box-office based on a small role in an ensemble film and an FX extravaganza in which any of a hundred other actresses could have played her part is ludicrous. She’s a better actress than Garner, but not by much, and like her, sells more magazines than tickets.

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So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

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