… inspired by Stella’s Boy…
What if there was a THX for theater service?
Remember, THX wasn’t a specific hardware package, but a standard bearer.
What if a theater offered PMS – Premium Movie Service… ushers that ushered and threw people out… a 2 minute guarantee at the concessions stand… info about the commercial schedule so you could see what you like or skip it if you like
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It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?
So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.
And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.
There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.
I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.
So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.
But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”
My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher
“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.
~ David Simon
I would be all for that. I still love going to the movies as much as I ever have, and if someone could gurantee top-notch service and a completely pleasurable theater experience, I’d be there.
And the first time ushers toss out of the theater some noisy folks who happen to be members of some minority group — sorry, don’t mean to offend, but we all know how the world works — who pays the lawyers to handle the class action suits?
And if you think this couldn’t happen: Remember the lawsuits filed by folks over wheelchair-access in stadium-seating theaters.
so it isn’t mistaken for a women’s self help group about That Time of the Month, maybe don’t call it PMS.
Also, I’d be willing to pay extra if the Ushers inflict some minor damage on troublemakers before they throw them out.
I had been really fed up with the general theater going experience due to many of the annoyances mentioned in Stella’s orignal post.
Then we started going to a local theater chain that offers full bar and food service during the movie. Surprsingly the exeprience is fairly unobtrusive and the audiences are really good. The pitcher of beer helps too.
Joe doesn’t mean to offend? That’s priceless.
Anyway, I think some sort of institutionalized standards for moviegoers is long overdue. I am convinced that just restricting the use of cell phones would improve the moviegoing experience by at least half. Don’t they restrict cell phones at the Toronto film Festival?
Ironically, if you were a pirate, TIFF would be your wet dream. They as you to turn off your cells, but you can walk into press screenings with virtually anything in your bag.
Telluride, for the first time, is enlisting very specific rules about not only cell phones, but the ubiquitous Blackberry too. If you play with your phone, much less take a call, you could be asked to leave the theater. Their materials clearly state that you cannot being these things into the theater.
Well, HH, it’s like John Cleese once said: There are some people in this life you should WANT to offend.
Look, trust me: Nothing would please me more if theater owners were to set up jamming equipment to block the use of cell phones inside auditoriums. And I would be very happy if big, burly ushers could toss out noisy goofs anytime the goofs got too loud. But I can’t help thinking that the lawyers who advise the theater owners have advised them against this, for several reasons involving pricey litigation. (Think about it: Mother sues because she couldn’t get emergency call from babysitter. Aggrieved minority sues because of perceived racial profiling by ushers. Parents sue because their darling little children were held up to ridicule when they were tossed out of a theater. And on and on and on.) Unfortunately, we live in the real world, not in the movies.
As far as I’m concerned the biggest problem is parents who bring their kids to inappropriate movies in order to avoid paying for a babysitter. There’s no reason why I should hear a baby crying in the middle of my show of Hustle & Flow.
I’m convinced that a premium service theater is the cure what what appears to be ailing movie goers these days –OK that and maybe the stranglehold of the distributors could use a little letting go. One can have silver plated popcorn cups and install cel phone blockers but what good will it do you if you can’t exhibit a picture one’s choosing? I’m a resident of the Hollywood area and can choose from several well sited and well appointed theaters. Four of every five showings I attend between Thursday and Sunday evening is practically a sell-out. I get the definite impression that folks will pay to see a showing in large numbers if the experience is worthwhile. As for the required seating policy at the Arclight: You know you can get up and move when the house is one third full, right?
NATO needs to develop an ad campaign about what’s GOOD about going to the movies. All we ever hear are the negatives: too expensive, talkers, ads, cell phones, getting lectured about piracy, etc, etc. There needs to be a “why we love going to the movies” campaign to remind people about what’s great about the theatrical experience.
As long as the negative nabobs rule the roost, moviegoers will continue to complain.
That’s because there is a lot to complain about. Far too much.
How about your own pair of wireless headphones.
Couldn’t hear any of the losers in the theater then…
I do think that blocking cell signals would be a legal issue.
I don’t think that throwing people out of theaters for bad behavior would be… not even close. Essentially, that’s like saying “the bad bahviors of the world are beyond any control, so fuck it.”
The reason that ushers are ineffective now is that exhbitors started hiring fewer ushers, fewer managers and more kids being paid far to little to care or confront back when the bankruptcy era started. They have not brought these things back to standard because… why should they?
The era of simple cash maximization is over… it is maximized… the next generation has to seriously consider customer service as an issue. And studios need to share some of the freight.
“The Slump” can become reality. Another few years of neglect combined with half the studios greedily obsessing on DVD (if you think they care about the quality experience of home entertainment, you are a fool… it’s all just an expanding market platform to them) and the whole thing can get down to the point of real desperation.
And pigs can fly. Right?
David: I have to respectfully disagree, even though I share your concern. It’s going to take more than hiring a few ushers. In fact, it may take some steps that, frankly, a lot of folks will be extremely reluctant to take.
I was in Boston last December, at a megaplex where, right in the middle of a screening of “Alexander,” an usher AND a uniformed cop came into the theater to “persuade” a woman (who had been yakking on her cell phone) to leave the theater. (Evidently, some members of the audience had gone out to the lobby to complain.) She left — after a few minutes of very loud, very outraged blather from the lady — and the audience actually applauded her departure. But I can’t help but think that, had the usher not been backed by a cop, there would have been trouble.
And, yes, if this scenario had unfolded here in Texas, the licensed-to-kill concealed handgun capital of America, there might have been even more trouble.
Who goes to a movie and listens to an usher? It’s real easy. Just watch the movie, keep your mouth shut, cell phone off, kids at home, and keep your feet off my seat.
It’s not real easy JoeFitz. There is a severe lack of parenting skills in the modern US and it shows.
The only thing that will work is if there is severe lack of revenue AND the theatres know why–people have to complain about it and demand money back en masse or nothing will change. I do. Managers have always thrown out people being a pain when I complained and when an arsehead won’t cooperate, they phone the fuzz. Especially at IMAX which is $15 a pop.
I love seeing movies on the big screen, still a great joy. However, recently I had the loan of a fancy NEC projector and was able to watch some beloved movies via mac link projected on my wall. If the theatrical experience becomes impossible to drift off into the movie due to talkers/phones etc., I am saving up for one-o-those great projectors.
When I was a kid we used to love pissing off people in the theatre especially for a really bad movie. Not exactly with talking but with laughing really hard. Nothing would have stopped us unless it was a big guy saying it who could have killed every one of us. Then we shut the heck up. Kids. They do crazy things.
Well, hell, I’d be happy if I even had a THX theater around here. None of the new ones have it, and I can certainly hear the difference.
Didn’t the NYT just do an article about the amazing cinemas..I think there are chains in Miami, and the New Jersey/New York area, that already do what you’re suggesting?
I’d definitely visit a large screen/great sound system every week, even at $15-$20 a pop, if they didn’t allow children, cell phones, etc.
How would blocking cellphone signals be a legal issue? I’m pretty sure they do that at the Arclight.
Maybe it’s just because the cinemas I go to are never as bad as people here seem to make their’s out to be – it sounds like 20 phones go off her session, there’s babies everywhere and nobody ACTUALLY watches the movies – but it’s all a bit silly, non? Sure if a phone goes off it’s annoying for the few seconds until they run out of the cinema embarassed. But then you continue watching the movie.
Until I experience it for myself (and I have yet to) I will just not believe that people will carry on a conversation in the cinema on their phone.
I mean, i know there’s teenagers who can be noisy but they’re teenagers with nothing else to do, an usher coming along and politely asking them to be quiet ain’t gonna help.
Do no American cinema chain have babysitter sessions? Where people can come along with their baby and see a movie (the movie of the week) and they don’t have to fear being yelled at or kicked out. They should.
And if there’s nobody sitting in front of me, why can’t i put my feet up? I have a bad knee (twisted it 95 degrees when skiing) and it can get very sore having it in the one position for 2 hours. And stadium seating doesn’t allow for stretching of the legs at all.
American cinemas do not have ‘babysitter sessions’ and there are indeed people who feel free to have extended phone conversations in theater. Not a lot, but some.
But I find stadium seating allows for better leg-stretching than normal seating.
Actually, the Angelika Cinema here in Houston has a “babysitter session” each week. They’re called “Cry Baby Matinees,” and they’re offered around noon on Fridays and Saturdays. This past weekend, the feature was “Junebug.”
You know what I do when I hear someone on a cell during a movie? I sit next to them and fake a phone convo and just ge really loud and obnoxious. Really lay it on thick. It works everytime.
The baby sessions are usually around the 10-11am time so that the parent can drop off the other kids at school and do some errands before sitting down for a movie. Last week it was Kicking & Screaming (it’s just been released here), before that it was Bewitched, Crash, and so on…
ya i aslo like to have such facilities.