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David Poland

By David Poland

The Rest Of The Story, 2005…

The lost portion of The Scarlett Johansson 911 Transcript follows:
“I’m Scarlett Johansson, an actor… no, The Island was not my fault… do you know how much press I got for fondling Benecio del Toro in an elevator and they couldn’t open that movie… yes… no, just fondling… he had a sore… exactly! if I’m not a big enough star to open The Island, why are these paparazzi following me to Disneyland… okay, but only if you send the police now… ‘What am I, Scarlett Johnasson, doing after personally shutting down Steven Spielberg’s studio? I’m going to Disneyland!’… thanks… are they on the way?… yeah, I got special passes from Jeffrey… yes, they’re real… are you still recording this?”

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28 Responses to “The Rest Of The Story, 2005…”

  1. The Premadator says:

    Is the way you spelled 911 (here 9/11) on purpose?
    Anyway… this is hilarious. I’ve now gone from Johansson-Friendly to downright Johansson-Enthusiastic!
    What a cutie.

  2. BluStealer says:

    This is why Scarlett is a star. For great quotes like this.

  3. David Poland says:

    Actually, 9/11 was completely subconcious… and then when you pointed it out, I thought it was irony funny… and then I thought it could be offensive… so I changed it… thanks…

  4. BluStealer says:

    I did think it had something to do with 9-11 from the headline too. I was expecting to read some wacky 19 yr old actress stuff. But we got much better.

  5. The Premadator says:

    Given this town’s E Channel obession with celebrity, the 9-11 thing was spot on.

  6. Josh says:

    Good summer article. I can’t wait to see what they say next May when those films are all blockbusters. Business booming?

  7. Terence D says:

    Alright I’ll ask it. Why are there people following Scarlett Johansson?

  8. Mark Ziegler says:

    She must be a huge star now. Journo’s are following her around town and to Disney.

  9. Angelus21 says:

    If Miss Johansson really wants publicity she should go clubbing, spend a lot of time doing coke in the bathrooms, and hangout with Paris Hilton.

  10. PandaBear says:

    Whoever got chosen to follow her really got the short end of the stick.
    He couldn’t get a cool gig like flying to the islands to stalk someone or get shot at in front of Britneys house.

  11. Wrecktum says:

    I have a massive crush on Scarlett Johansson. I’d risk my very stable and happy marraige to be with Scarlett Johansson.

  12. PandaBear says:

    It ain’t that stable if you’d risk it with an affair with a 20 yr old.

  13. Richard Nash says:

    My wife would let that happen. Be the first to congratulate me. That is if SJ won an Academy Award. Or The Island opened at #1. She wouldn’t let me slum it.

  14. joefitz84 says:

    You guys have mighty cool wives if they let you take a starlet into the bedroom.

  15. Sanchez says:

    Too bad they didn’t pull these kinds of antics BEFORE the big blockbuster movie opened.

  16. sky_capitan says:

    The 911 operator didn’t ask her about those pics of Tom dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard Of Oz? I was looking forward to her insight on the subject.

  17. Sanchez says:

    Watch out, Cap. You can get sued by the Scientologists with that kind of gossiping.

  18. Eldrick says:

    did she really say that, or did David make it up. I like Johansson, a lot of people are bitchy about her, not me.

  19. bicycle bob says:

    she just may be the best actress out of this under 25 bunch. not saying much but she does bring it.

  20. BluStealer says:

    I’d much rather watch her in a movie than the Lohan’s and the Duff’s of this world. She just chooses really interesting projects. All these other girls would kill for her career right now even with The Island on the resume.

  21. LesterFreed says:

    I like my ladies a little more mature and older. Give me a Kidman. Give me some Angela Basset. Someone with some experience.

  22. RoyBatty says:

    Might be just me, but doesn’t say a helluva lot about the slate of movies that were given to us this summer that at the end of the season we are discussing an actress who starred in the most noteable flop trying to blame her bad driving on paparazzi? (and I love Johansson, but this has sounded like an excuse from the moment I heard about it)
    So far, the most compelling moment of fictional narrative I have experienced was the last 15 minutes of the Six Feet Under finale.

  23. RoyBatty says:

    Doesn’t this say a lot about the slate of summer films we were given that here at the end of the season we are not discussing the films themselves, but an incident involving an actress who starred in the most noteable flop of it?
    The most fulfilling moment I had involving fictional narrative happened on the small screen, watching just the last 15 minutes of the Six Feet Under finale versus every film that came out this summer.

  24. LesterFreed says:

    I’d rather have root canal than watch Six Feet Under. What a bore. Give me Rescue Me. Give me Entourage.

  25. PandaBear says:

    Entourage has gotten a lot better in Year 2. Surprisingly so because I didn’t think it had it in them.

  26. KamikazeCamelV2.0 says:

    Nobody better talk about the Six Feet Under finale without five kilometres of warning! We haven’t even been given the first episode of the final season let alone be anywhere near the finale.
    BTW, Lindsay is in the new Robert Altman movie alongside Meryl Streep and co. I’d say that’s a great move.
    Scarlett’s great though. She just needs to wear better clothes.
    (hi, I’m back now)

  27. PandaBear says:

    No spoilers should be given on this anyway. To anything unless a big chunk of time has gone by. We can all be a little classy here.

  28. KamikazeCamelV2.0 says:

    Oh, you’d be surprised Panda. Some people think everybody sees everything the day they see it in America.

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It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?

So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.

I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.

So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.

But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”

My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher

“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.

~ David Simon