After all the list-bashing of the last couple of days, I guess I would be remiss to point out a few of the truly intriguing year-end lists I spotted in my bleary-eyed travels around the Web. Indeed they are out there, but you have to search–like break out the infrared devices, the night-vision goggles, trained German Shepherds, etc.
Again, you can rarely go wrong with The Onion AV Club, even as a few of its contributors get their pants legs trapped in the abhorrent Take That Critics Poll over at the Voice. But perhaps this year’s Voice poll’s lone bright spot occurred in the form of critic Ed Halter, who kicked out a list of the excellent-yet-underappreciated avant garde and experimental films to have crashed New York (or not, in the case of Visual Music) this year.

Then there are the “Merlies” from the blog Merlot Democrats, in which author Jason Kellett runs down the best 10 films he has not seen. Despite maybe one cutesy strain too many (“Syriana, they say, tells several interlocking stories that exist at the nexus of money, power, politics, and oil. … or, as we say in the United states, the Republican party. Snap!), I found myself oddly endeared to Kellett’s “best” guesses:

3- 2046 – Wong kar-Wai’s epic yet intimate tale of Chinese people writ Chinese. Also spoke Chinese. The cinematography is supposed to be simultaneously intimate and epic. Some may be disappointed with the mysterious ending, but this film is undeniably foreign. …

5- The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada – Tommy Lee Jones’s epic tale of, I assume, Mexican zombies writ western. I haven’t read much about this film yet, but Tommy Lee Jones doesn’t like George Bush, so this movie HAS to be great. Best of luck getting that pesky undead Melquiades back in his grave, Tommy, before he “must eat braaaaains!” Or, in Mexican, “tengo que comer cerrrrrrebro!” …

10- Wedding Crashers – An epic tale of unlawful entry writ hilarious. Allegedly, this massive R-rated comedy smash has it all: the wit of Caddyshack, the boobs of Porky’s, the semen of American Pie, and the heart of Untamed Heart.

Best of all, please refer to Grady Hendrix’s list of Asian film bests of 2005–not a Top 10, not necessarily a Top Anything as much as an abstract collection of moments that brought the year’s greatness into relief.
A few examples from Hendrix’s consistently genius blog Kaiju Shakedown:

BEST MOVIE: Korean Madness. It’s short, it’s funny, it’s like Kamikaze Girls meets Hana & Alice with better choreography than Rent, The Producers and Perhaps Love all put together. You can go watch it here.

BEST WAY TO BORE AN AUDIENCE: Antarctic Journal. “See, in the movie these guys are in the Antarctic and they walk in the snow. They walk and they walk and they walk. Then they find a hut!” Uh, does anything else happen? “Sometimes they’re in a tent.”

BEST ONSCREEN VOMIT: Drink, Drank, Drunk. Derek Yee followed up his harrowing and accomplished One Night in Mongkok with this epic ode to the onscreen hurling of stomach contents. I lost count after the fifth time Daniel Wu tossed his cookies. And speaking of Daniel Wu…

BEST ACTOR: If by “Best Actor” you mean “Guy who’s been in every single movie this year” then that would be Daniel Wu. Aided and abetted by a law requiring every movie producer in Hong Kong to cast him in their film, Daniel Wu was in 5 movies this year, down from last year’s high of 7.

BEST INSPIRATIONAL MOVIE ABOUT THE HANDICAPPED: The Late Bloomer. Just knowing that even people confined to a wheelchair with MS can still get it together and become serial killers offers hope to millions of the differently abled. [ED. NOTE: Not to mention it would probably find its way to my own Top 10 list if I had one; a blistering, brilliant film.]

BEST ACTION SCENE: The Myth. Jackie takes on a pack of Indian cops in a glue trap factory and proves he can still pull out the fun stunts when it counts.

WORST ACTION SCENE: The Myth. The laborious finale was larded with bad CGI the way a stomach-cramping plate of nachos is drowned in processed cheez whiz and cheap hamburger meat.

Enough said. Thank you, kind sirs, for giving the world something to shoot for a year from now.

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