By David Poland poland@moviecitynews.com
Shattering Cries, 'Lip-Pouty' Lovemaking: Liz Smith's Four-Day Movie Guide
Where would New York cinema be without Liz Smith? If today’s column did not deliver the type of moviegoing insight, advice and general Nitro-Powered Liz Shit that we have taken for granted from her for so long, would you have had the first clue about how and where to satiate your film jones this week?
Seriously! Liz is in your face like a coach. Or like a paramedic:
* If you want to be ravished by images, glamorous melodrama and the mysterious world of Japanese courtesans, try Rob Marshall’s Memoirs of a Geisha. (And before the bitchy infighting of geisha world begins, the story is really quite heartbreaking.)
* If a shattering, cathartic cry is what you’re yearning for, ride over to Brokeback Mountain. …
* The greatest love story ever told? King Kong! Wonderful, spectacular, emotional but, again, much too long.
* Something phantasmagoric for the kids? Visit Narnia. And don’t worry that the nebulous “spiritual” message will influence your kids. They won’t even notice.
* The best and sexiest version of Jane Austen’s perennial is the current Pride and Prejudice. Don’t miss it! …
* Oh, yes, and Woody Allen’s much-touted return to form – new form, actually, with his British setting – the dark, delicious and disturbing Match Point. (Scarlett Johansson and Jonathan Rhys Meyers are so sexy and lip-pouty, one wonders how they get close enough to make love with those oh-so-kissable lips.)
* And try to find showings of early-year releases: Broken Flowers, not so much for star Bill Murray, but for his amazing supporting ladies – Sharon Stone, Frances Conroy, Jessica Lange and Tilda Swinton . . . (and) The Constant Gardener, a devastating love story set amid the corruption of the pharmaceutical industry.
I, for one, would never read the Post were I not seeking a “shattering, cathartic cry,” so Brokeback will probably do it for me. And as long as Liz promises that the baby Jesus will not be getting His hands on my kids, I probably should give Narnia a spin. But a “devastating love story set amid the corruption of the pharmaceutical industry” sounds like hard-on city, so maybe I should movie-hop? Goddamnit, Liz–how about a short list next time?
I have always had a suspicion that Liz Smith is on the take. Note how she never writes anything critical of Harvey Weinstein or Michael Jackson.
Given what’s happening in Washington these days, Smith sounds like one of those op-ed pundits caught whoring for Jack Abramoff.