Comments On Sex & The City (Though There Really Isn't An Embargo)
New Line has made the Lord of the Rings of Chick Flicks… not that it’s anywhere near as good, emotional, artistically made or worthy of box office or awards…
IT’S 2 HOURS AND 25 FUCKING MINUTES LONG!!!!
I’m not kidding!
Michael Patrick King didn’t make an extended episode of his series, Sex & The City… he made a whole damned season shoved into the phallic sausage casing of a near two and a half hour long epic of been-there-done-that.
That said, I am revising my box office estimates for the film to about double what was being bounced around the studio just a few weeks ago. In the last decade, I have never seen the New Line screening room this full… not for Rings… not for nothing. If the fire marshall had shown up, at least a dozen women would have been thrown out before they could show the film. And it was 88% women in the room. And 8% gay men. And me.
This movie will open big. Prada opened to $28 million. Look for this number to be more like $40 million. And for a total anywhere between $95 million and $125 million. I have no idea, really. And amazingly, for this comedy, based on a TV show, New Line could be costing itself millions in the first two weekends with this looooooong running time.
But I haven’t said much of anything about the film…
We were asked, before the screening, not to give away the surprises in the third act. And I won’t. But SURPRISES?!?!?!?! Really? To anyone who had ever seen a season of this HBO sitcom? Impossible!
I would be willing to be real money that if you took a poll of people who had seen at least one full season of the series, asking them for the 10 surprises they might suspect will happen in this feature film, at least 90% would get all 5 of the actual “surprises” in the film.
You want a review? Watch the DVDs of the series. There is not a single idea in this film that was not conceived, discussed, and beaten to within an inch of its life during the run of the show on HBO. Not ONE!
Nor was there a tick or a schtick or a flick that these four very good actresses haven’t done to within an inch of my vomit reflex on the show that isn’t recalled here… with little more. Maybe… maybe… SJP exhaustion make-up is the only new thing… but maybe they already did that… I know Mr. Broderick has. (All husbands have.)
And let me add this… Mr. King is perhaps the worst writer of dramatic dialogue that I have witnessed so far this year. Sparkling wit… yeah, he can do that. Drama? Horror. The only genuinely emotional moment I experienced in this film came to pass in a moment where the characters actually shut up for a couple of minutes and had what seemed to be a genuine moment. And yes, King wrote that too. But whoever told him to fill his movie with at least 50% an effort to be dramatic was very, very confused. It’s not what he does well.
Have I mentioned that this movie is not a spritely 98 minutes… or a long 110 minutes… or two frickin’ hours followed by long credits?
And of course, we get another utterly meaningless penis sighting! Thank God for women (and gay filmmakers) being able to objectify men just like men have always objectified women! That penis was really a major political moment for cinema!
And by the way… there was some gossip report about Kristin Davis NOT doing a shower scene in the film. She did the shower scene… wearing skin colored latex over her darker fleshy bits. Yawn. And we do get, as usual, to see everyone but “Carrie” have sex. Yawn redux.
This may, however, be the first time a release of excrement actually has its own music cue. You know, The Theme From Bridge Over The River Kwai, Princess Leia’s Theme, Diarrhea Joke! Fantastic stuff! Or as the movie tells you itself, “really, really funny!”
I expect the reaction of women to be much the same as the reaction to the last six episodes of the series. Some will be disappointed that it wasn’t more adventurous or profound. Some will love it because it is familiar and on-the-nose as a refrain of Happy Birthday (“Oh my god… I sang Charlie instead of Charles, like everyone else!” is about the level of complexity.) Some will wonder why all their friends are watching this crap.
But in a summer where Anne Hathaway is playing with boys and Meryl Streep is in a movie that Universal is now trying to sell to the High School Musical set with the unknown blonde girl and there is not really a single film for women of all ages all summer long… this one is going to be a big, stinky hit.
Can’t wait for Sex & The City: The Movie: Episode Two – The Same Shit One More Time For 3 Full Hours in 2010 in which Samantha is actually in a coma through the whole film and appears in a total of four scenes with Sarah Jessica Parker, blinking out her dirty jokes, with a catheter that looks a lot like a dildo and makes her blink really fast when it is turned on.
Really, really funny.
“And it was 88% women in the room. And 8% gay men. And me.”
Quote of the freakin’ week.
Sounds painful, but then again I couldn’t watch more than a couple episodes of the show. The novelty of dirty-talking women wears off pretty quickly, and it just didn’t tickle my funny bone.
By the way, for the life of me I can’t parse this sentence:
“Maybe… maybe… SJP will exhaustion make-up is the only new thing… but maybe they already did that… I know Mr. Broderick has. (All husbands have.)”
Is something missing?
“this one is going to be a big, stinky hit”
And more power to it! I am a perfectly straight guy and even I admit that “Sex in the City” was consistently (read: with some exceptions) one of the best written and produced shows on TV. I have little desire to see this in a movie theater (and not because I am afraid) but I see no reason to piss on this project just because I am not exactly the target audience (assuming it actually lives up to the series, of course).
That said, the lack of new ideas (and new suprising nudity) is dissapointing,
OH boy David did you just wake up on the wrong side of the monitor or have you forgotten that although not made specifically for YOU this movie delivers what it has to. The penis shot is NOT gratuitous and only holds shock value at all because the world is used to constantly exploiting women. We have all seen EVERY part of all of those women, we get 10 seconds of an actual penis and you complain? I am not even a fan of the show and dreaded having to sit through the 2:15 of this but I didn’t loathe it, and the penis was one of the best parts. I thought well, at least I laughed and cried and got to see a pee pee shot! You know sort of like “it wasn’t that great but at least they showed some tits”? What did you think you were walking into? Great Expectations? Sorry man I love ya Dave but this whole thing sounds so machismo, and jaded! For once even New Line(HBO/WB/AOL/TW… global domination!!!!!!!!! OK I was jaded there) has hit it’s target audience square in the chest. Get over it and don’t feed off the “backlash” from non-fans. PEACE
yancy… remove the “will” from “SJP will.” I have now. And I think it will make sense.
And Mehmeh… the equal to a penis is, to me, the vagina. And we have never seen any of these women’s vaginas. In fact, I don’t recall more than a couple sets of labia ever shown in a studio movie, if that. We sometimes see female public hair. We certainly see breasts often.
It’s not even 10 seconds of the penis. But the same point I made on Forgetting Sarah Silverman (or whatever) is true for me here… if there is a purpose, fine. If it is just gratuitous, I don’t need to see it. And if Judd Apatow started showing labia in his movies, I think you’d probably feel the same way.
“Ms. Heigel… could you spread your legs a little wider… we can see the labia major, but the minor are a little shy… can we get a spritz there… much better… think of getting off that TV show… yes, much, much better… thanks!”
I don’t think so.
I agree with ya Dave accepting you’re argument that labia equals a penis, which I hear as “You’re a women you have two parts, I have one so you get screwed”. Do not get me started on Judd Apatow, but as for your assessment of my reaction, ummm… nope. I think they should show it all, even if to accentuate someone’s moral dilemma. No, it’s not The Pillow Book, Mmmmm Pillow Book… but still if they’re gonna throw it around this movie in this instance is a pretty reasonable thing to do. OK so I did, maybe, beg the producers to keep it in for the sake of womanhood, and no I do not have stake in this at all so don’t go accusing me of schlepping this film. I personally got shivers when I heard it was happening. The mere thought of watching shopaholic, materialistic, egocentric, constant crisis, never stop talking, wanna be NY socialites for two hours had me frightened. Still the people are gonna get what they want… have we stopped talking about that sequined acorn yet? THAT was tragic…. Once again, love ya Dave. 🙂
And we do get, as usual, to see everyone but “Carrie” have sex. Yawn redux.
Um, does anyone really wanna see horseface having sex?! Oy vey.
“So it’s a show about three hookers and their mom?”
I never got what this show was about, unless it really was just Cinderella for middle-aged women. Seriously, if the writing is so great, would anyone watch it if the same lines were delivered by four Lubbock residents sporting Wal-Mart sweatpants and Dollar Castle flip-flops?
How many shows on television, even exceptionally written ones, are filled to the brim with average looking people, RudyV?
Well, technically Apatow DID show vagina in Knocked Up (though Heigl used a stunt, um, “rhymes with stunt”). Granted, most of us didn’t find it sexy, what with the baby’s head poking through and all.
I still don’t think the Sarah Marshall penis shots were gratuitous. Strictly necessary? No. But there’s a difference.
Anyway, I have no problem with penis shots, but of course Dave is right that they are not the male equivalent of breasts (duh!). And men are “outies,” if you know what I mean, so even the average female crotch shot is fairly tame, unless you were frightened as a child by an inverted triangle of hair. Don’t hold your breath waiting for “special guest labia” appearances, outside of the occasional childbirth scene.
Did I say anything about average-looking people? Hmm, let’s see…nope! I focused on the clothes, much like every single article written about the show and now the movie. If, as I posited, fancy clothes and fancy locales were removed from the equation, would anyone still watch this?
Considering that the New York locations are so integral to who the characters are, it wouldn’t be the same show.
I am so sick of all this graphic male full frontal nudity. I will not see any movies made by the studios who put out this garbage. I could understand male and female chests and butts, but genitals crosses the line into porn. Why doesn’t the MPAA allow a vagina to be shown? Harold and Kumar tried, but the MPAA rated it NC-17 unless they took out that shot, but the penises were perfectly acceptable. Talk about a double standard! David, I am curious, what is the time length of the penis shot in Sex and the City and in what context was it shown? It is amazing how often I hear women say it’s about time they show penises and those scenes are not gratuitous, but any female nudity and they are outraged and say it is gratuitous. I have heard this argument from women forever. They either need to stop showing male full frontal or at least allow a vagina to be shown. Not pubic hair!
I’m responding to poster Alex’s request to time the penis shot. But come on “double standard” because the MPAA allows penises to be shown but not vagina? HUH? WTF? An unshaven one doesn’t count? And what about Sharon Stone’s in “Basic Instinct?”
Get a life dude.
samguy- You probably love looking at naked men, loser. There was a post earlier who said the shot was for ten seconds, but others who said it was very brief so I was curious. None of your business why I asked jackass! Furthermore, my post just continued the forum on whether a breast was comparable to a penis or if a vagina was; a debate I constantly see. Going back to Basic Instinct where Sharon Stone’s vagina couldn’t be seen at all is a pretty poor comparison. And no, pubic hair doesn’t count. 95% of women shave or groom their pubic hair so a bush you need a weedwhacker to get through isn’t represented by reality.
That was pretty scathing. Nice. As is this video. A mock-up audience reaction to the film. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiMi24uvkAQ
You probably love looking at naked men, loser.
And thus we get to the crux of the matter…