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David Poland

By David Poland

Wanted: Fight Club Without A Brain

I’ve dreaded digging into Wanted, the over-the-top, uninterested-in-reality or narrative mediocrity on its way from Universal. Don’t even get me started on this film getting a pass, as it surely will, while the same supporters bitched about Speed Racer‘s visuals, who paid no attention to Daywatch and little more to Nightwatch, who don’t care that the film doesn’t really deliver on its Jolie promise, and are kind of pleased that it may be the bloodiest, nastiest movie released by a major studio… probably ever. (Of course, it is such a Tom & Jerry On Crack cartoon that the violence has no impact.)
But Anthony Lane, often too interested in amusing himself for me, hit it dead on in the first graph of his review.
What is it like being Timur Bekmambetov? No artist should be confused too closely with his creations, but anybody who sits through

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178 Responses to “Wanted: Fight Club Without A Brain”

  1. LexG says:

    Poland, maybe not for the readership at large, but at least for the blog comments section regulars in the know, you might as well have just described it as:
    “The LexG-est movie ever to LexG.”
    Big-screen violence and contempt for all humanity FUCKING OWN.

  2. bluelouboyle says:

    Shame, it’s being getting some postive buzz. For me, the trailers make it look like slick CGI crap.
    All the stunts are so obviously fake – especially the one where Jolie lies down on top of a train under a bridge, and when she scoops Macavoy up in her car – that they have no impact.
    Maybe you don’t notice it so much on the big screen. But I just don’t get excited by movie stars being ‘in the action’ when the action is blatantly all in a studio and in a computer.
    Consider the Bourne Ultimatum. There were obviously stuntmen for some of the Tangiers chase and fight, and also for the New york Car chase. But there was actually someone doing it in the real world, so you’re amazed and forget about the stuntman. Same goes for Raiders, and Vic Armstrong going underneath the truck.
    Hell, even Point Break and License to Kill had great sky-diving scenes which actually happened.

  3. I saw a clip from this movie on the Daily Show the other night. In the clip, two assassins stage an elaborate car wreck just so that one assassin’s car can flip over and fly through the air, just so the assassin in the car can fly over ANOTHER car with a guy in it, and shoot that guy through the sunroof.

    I’m sure there are 15 year old boys out there watching that thinking “Whoa. Cool!” But I’m watching it thinking “Oh, come on. That’s just ludicrous.” And that reaction kills the fun of an action movie, at least for me.

    It’s kind of like the first Transporter movie, which I thought was good silly fun until the Transporter jumps out of a plane, pops a parachute, and then glides down to land on the top of a moving semi. And not just ANY moving semi, one SPECIFIC semi. There’s just no way that could ever happen in real life, no matter how good you are with a parachute.

    Or like what Roger Ebert said about “The Jackal”:

    The Jackal strikes me as the kind of overachiever who, assigned to kill a mosquito, would purchase contraband insecticides from Iraq and bring them into the United States by hot air balloon, distilling his drinking water from clouds and shooting birds for food.

    A good stunt scenario (IMHO) doesn’t necessarily have to BE plausible, but it has to FEEL plausible — feel like something that a real person WOULD DO and that COULD happen, if the stars aligned and everything went perfectly and you happened to be the coolest secret agent ever. If it doesn’t, it just shatters the suspension of disbelief.

  4. That reminds me of another Ebert review, one for the fun but mostly forgettable Australian heist flick The Hard Word:
    The foot chase has a quality missing in a lot of modern action movies, and that is the sensation of physical effort. William Friedken achieved it, too, in the underrated “The Hunted.” The robbers run through malls and down stairs and across pedestrian overpasses and are hauling the money and panting and sweating, and we realize belatedly that one of the things wrong with Spider-Man was that he never seemed to go to any effort.
    So true. Everytime I see the trailer for Wanted (which, I swear, has shown in front of every movie I’ve seen these past few months bar Sex and the City) I just roll my eyes. That and Angelina looks grotesque. At least in stuff like The Matrix was a sense of danger. In Wanted everyone just looks so omnipitent.

  5. saw this on monday night, thought it was crap, and checked rotten tomatoes the next day to find i was in the minority.
    i don’t mind the gratuitous violence so much but i was actually bothered by the gratuitous profanity. no one, in any situation, can go five words without dropping the f-bomb. james mcavoy’s office job boss bothered me especially, so over-the-top ugly and spewing curses. actually the whole matrix/fight club first half hour is just so in-your-face crass. well the whole movie, realy, but you notice it more when scenes don’t need to be so f-ing amped up.

  6. The Big Perm says:

    I don’t know, I can’t see how people can be so closed off to a ludicrous action movie. Why does everything have to be “realistic?” There’s a place for both real action and fakey action, and they can both be fun. There are tons of realistic action movies still being made with fisticuffs and stuntwork, especially if you consider martial arts movies.
    I think the idea of a car flipping over another to shoot the guy through the sunroof is fun.
    Not to say I’d see Wanted though. It looks like one of those movies that has fun action and boring everything else.

  7. Sure, a car flipping over and shooting through the sunroof could be cool, but when it all just looks like a blur of CGI it goes from having a “wow, how did they do that?” awe to “wow, how many hours on the computer did they take to do that?” And it becomes more about the technology than what’s actually being done on screen and that just gets boring.

  8. Why does everything have to be “realistic?”

    I didn’t say it had to be realistic. I said it had to be plausible.

    I’m perfectly willing to accept wildly unrealistic things if they make sense inside the film’s universe. I brought up the Transporter stunt because it didn’t make sense in that way — the Transporter doesn’t have magical powers, he’s subject to the same laws of physics as the rest of us. So to jump out of a plane and float down by parachute onto a specific semi truck would require intensely precise timing — not a casual leap out of a plane. On the other hand, if a Superman movie showed me Superman jumping out of a plane and then flying down on top of a truck, I’ll buy that because he’s Superman and the laws of physics work differently for him.

  9. The Big Perm says:

    KK,, I don’t think that CGI looks so bad. Of course I haven’t seen it high res or antyhing. I think aprt of the problem is they shoot it in a way that would be impossible if done for real. But…so? It’s an impossible stunt shot impossibly. I still like it!
    Jason, Why does everything have to be plausible if the point of the movie is insanely cartoony action? Do you like John Woo movies? Equally impossible action, but with real stuntmen. But that doesn’t make it any more plausible.

  10. Thank god. As is occasionally the case, Poland is the voice of reason in a sea of chaos. How is this getting rave reviews? I saw it last night and thought it was one of the willfully stupid things I had ever seen. As my friend said, it was so derivative of so many other movies that it needed a ‘works-cited’ page at the start of the credits.
    The worst, most obnoxious on-the-nose ‘spell everything out with a pink highlighter’ voice over ever (worse than Blade Runner, worse than Sin City). And McAvoy never, ever is believable as a hard-ass in any way. Even by the end, he’s still your annoying little brother trying to be tough by talking tough.
    Oh, god, the voice over is beyond compare… really. Please let me know if it was part of the comic or added in post-screening for the super-dumb kids in the audience (really, it states and spells out every plot point, every emotional beat, every note of character development). Jolie has hardly any action beats after the first act as she’s regulated to ‘the eye candy’. Freeman didn’t get a single action beat and he only got the tiniest amount of fun dialogue in one scene.
    Minor Spoilers –
    But my favorite part, really… was the second act climax on the train, where our hero’s reckless and vengeance fueled incompetence literally and single-handedly causes the deaths of seemingly hundreds of innocent civilians. You know that scene in the trailer with the train cars dangling over the bridge? Well many of those cars fall into the canyon, and there are apparently lots of people in those train cars. Not a word is uttered about this fact at any point afterward.
    Funnily enough, as I was walking out, I was actually thinking ‘wow, Poland’s gonna be pissed when critics give this one a pass too’. Something we agree on.

  11. Blackcloud says:

    It looks for all the world like a low-rent “Matrix” without any of the pretensions. At least the W bros. try, even though their efforts usually take them so far over the top they wind up in the stratosphere.

  12. Alan Cerny says:

    “What is it like being Timur Bekmambetov? No artist should be confused too closely with his creations, but anybody who sits through

  13. tjfar67 says:

    What if you like your coffee with cream and sugar?

  14. Alan Cerny says:

    Throw in a cow tosser, shoot the udders, then get some sugar cane… I don’t know, the mind boggles.

  15. The Pope says:

    For outright mayhem and unbeatable yucks, go no further than Laurel and Hardy. The wanton destruction that they meeted out to what was then suburban LA still holds up. I think it was in “BIg Business” (1929) that they demolished an entire house… and it was real. And what still makes it so spellbindingly funny and deleriously THRILLING is the fact that it was a real house and they REALLY tore it down.
    I enjoy CGI (when it is integrated into the content of the story), but like Apocalypse Now, nothing tops a REAL TIME blitz.

  16. Krazy Eyes says:

    I haven’t seen WANTED yet but it sounds like they’re trying to match the action of a Matt Reilly book on the screen. Reilly is perhaps the biggest joke of a writer I’ve ever encountered — who somehow seems to be writing one bestselling “thriller” after another. I’m always astounded that there’s enough interest in his asinine books to get them a hardcover release. I guess WANTED proves there’s a market for this dreck.

  17. mysteryperfecta says:

    The action scene descriptions do remind me of SHOOT ‘EM UP, which is a bad thing. If a writer took a thesaurus and replaced every word with an obscure synonym, would avid readers get off on it?

  18. Nicol D says:

    “Jolie has hardly any action beats after the first act as she’s regulated to ‘the eye candy’.”
    Really? This whole thing is being sold as Jolie in full on Hard R dominatrix action mode. She is the only reason I have any interest to see this as it is painfully apparent from frame one that McAvoy has no action chops.
    Is she at least eye candy in a lot of the last half of the film. I mean is she in it more than she was in Gone in 60 Seconds?
    I make no pretensions on this one. No Jolie. No Nicol D.

  19. Teel says:

    Just chiming in to say that if you can get your hands on the Russian DVD releases of Nightwatch and Daywatch, the difference from the American releases is like (*sigh*) night and day. Daywatch actually makes sense if you’ve seen the other half hour of Nightwatch which got cut from the American release. Say what you will about downloading movies from the internet and region controls and “piracy”, but if I’d followed the rules I wouldn’t have liked these films half as much as I do.

  20. sharonfranz says:

    Anthony Lane’s description makes it sound like Shoot ‘Em Up, which I liked – it’s like a HK movie with ADD and pretty much all style and technique.
    I wasn’t really impressed with Night Watch (didn’t bother with the sequels), and frankly, don’t understand the hype. Hopefully, Wanted will be better. The reviews on Rotten Tomatoes are pretty good so far – 85% with 26 reviews.

  21. jeffmcm says:

    Yeah, I was going to ask “what’s so great about Nightwatch/Daywatch in the first place” and then Teel seems to have clarified it.

  22. sloanish says:

    I was scrolling down, frothing at the mouth about how much I hated Nightwatch… and now I can breathe.

  23. Eric says:

    Out of curiosity, was Nightwatch cut for American release, too? I only saw that one, and didn’t care for it.
    On the other hand, extra time might not have improved it, in my mind. I was just kind of bored with the premise and the style didn’t impress me enough to make up for it.

  24. Rob says:

    Nightwatch sooo boring…

  25. Nicol D says:

    Saw Nightwatch and loathed it. If it was cut…all right.
    But what I saw was incoherent jibberish.

  26. T. Holly says:

    I don’t know if anyone knows this, but “Bekmambetov said that he got what he wanted, and made the film that he wanted, although McAvoy said the ending of the film is now completely different from what they shot. “There was a massive 10-minute fight scene between me and Sloan that’s gone. The film is better for it. I knew it would be violent. But this is a film that luxuriates in its own violence. It bathes in its own violence.”

  27. Mild spoilers…
    Jolie looks hot in every second that she’s in, but she really has no reason to be in the film after the first half. She doesn’t have a token of the personality and development that Trinity was given even in the first Matrix movie. And again, once the first act ends, the major action scenes, if she’s there at all, mainly involve her watching other people do action.
    potential big climactic spoiler…
    At the end (going to try to be vague)… the decisions that Jolie’s character makes seems less dictated by her persona up to that point and more by the fact that Jolie is a popular star and ‘a woman’ (in the stereotypical sense).Peter
    Bradshaw’s review is right about the film’s casual hatred of women (he’s pretty dead-on for the whole review). Hell, the opening scene involves a professional young woman getting her head blown off for a cheap shock. Fair enough, that always annoys me, but many better films do that too (like MI3, for example). But once the movie is over and you know more about the context of that opening scene… well, it’s rather amazing how little regard for human life in general this film has. And McAvoy’s mean overweight boss is one of the cruder portraits of this cliche in quite awhile. It’s just a mean, nasty, cruel, pandering little shit of a film.

  28. LexG says:

    The crueler, the better.
    JOLIE looks hot as hell in the trailers, especially that shot of her back with the TATTOOS YEP YEP KNOW.

  29. T. Holly says:

    I’m trying to get down with the owning thing. This film is going to mess with you and make you its butt boy?

  30. Rothchild says:

    T. Holly,
    Fuck you for spoiling the movie with your quote.

  31. LexG says:

    To wit, things in this movie that OWN:
    Angelina Jolie
    Curving bullets
    Fast cars
    Contempt for humanity
    Wanton misanthropy
    Back tattoos
    The 2.35:1 aspect ratio
    the silvery Universal pictures look
    Making fun of fat people
    Depicting the working stiff life as the hell that it is.
    Things that do not OWN that appear to be featured in WANTED:
    James McAvoy. Please keep this low-wattage, 1974-schnozzed Ewan McGregor wannabe the fuck away from Jolie, Ricci, Keira and Hathaway. He doesn’t deserve it.

  32. LexG says:

    God, that was a great post.
    David Poland himself should PERSONALLY address it by pointing out how brilliant it was. Then he should offer me a paying job.

  33. jeffmcm says:

    This is the kind of stuff I hate about Lex and why I don’t understand why he hasn’t been ridden out of town on a rail. He’s intolerably awful when he posts this kind of crap.

  34. Rothchild says:

    I feel bad for him. He thinks he’s funny enough to someday make it as a screenwriter. It’s never going to happen.

  35. T. Holly says:

    Thank you Lex, I wasn’t sure if there was a difference between owing and being owned, and if I could have 2 minutes with the Roth child, I would so own his pristine ass for saying such an assinine thing as “there was a fight at the end and it’s gone” (by the frickin star about his own frickin movie to a journalist) constitutes spoilage.

  36. LexG says:

    Really? I thought that was fairly harmless and obviously (lame) shtick. I’ve rather enjoyed the apparent cease-fire of late, so hopefully so silly a post wouldn’t start a new flare-up.
    I’m trying to convey my INCREDIBLE ENTHUSIASM for this movie and my sincere belief that this is the best kind of entertainment going (ie, R-Rated, megaviolent, hateful widescreen action movies). Yeah, I could write a well-constructed thesis on why I feel that way, but no one’s going to care, and it’s really just easier to say that WANTED OWNS YOUR ASS.

  37. Rothchild says:

    When one character fights another, and they’re clearly supposed to be on the same side in the story…
    …you know what? Fuck you.

  38. jeffmcm says:

    Since you’re honestly expressing what you believe, it can’t be ‘schtick’. “Reasonable Lex” is the fiction and “Crazy Lex” is the truth.

  39. LexG says:

    For those who’ve seen it, is it more awesomely misanthropic than BAD BOYS II?
    That’s like the contempt for humanity action movie gold standard.

  40. “When one character fights another, and they’re clearly supposed to be on the same side in the story…”
    See The Forbidden Kingdom – when two martial arts icons square off, and neither wants to be the villain and neither wants to lose.
    At least in Shanghai Knights (which I love), Donnie Yen was willing to be the villain and Jackie Chan was willing to get thumped. It’s called compromise.

  41. T. Holly says:

    And you know what? He has a big stinking smooch with another character.

  42. jeffmcm says:

    It’s called Jackie Chan being a bigger star in an American-made movie than Donnie Yen.
    T. Holly – who? What? Huh?

  43. leahnz says:

    ‘for those who’ve seen it, is it more awesomely misanthropic than bad boys II?’
    wait, lex, have you not seen it? if not, and your already making bloody lists, you need a slap upside the head

  44. leahnz says:

    i meant YOU’RE…
    (see, i can write proper-like…cept i dont wanna)

  45. T. Holly says:

    Isn’t it frightening your boy is going to grow up to be one of these?

  46. Roman says:

    The thing about Timur Timur Bekmambetov is that most people in Russia consider him a hack. And that is a simple truth.
    Yes, he directed what is currently the highest grossing Russian film of all time, but it’s also the movie that did the most damage to his reputation. You have to understand that “Irony of Fate: The Continuation” was a sequel to THE most beloved soviet movie of all time. To hundreds of millions of people this movie, which came out in 1975, was the movie that brought them together around a dinner every year on New Year’s eve. To understand it’s poplularity you gotta think “Cassblanca + Star Wars”. The sequel, which was done without any involvement, of its original creators had to be a success because despite all the terrible reviews people had to see it.
    Worst of all, however, was the movie itself. It wasn’t just a cash-in, it was an outright rape of the material and continuity. Bekmambetov was responsible to writing the screenplay and it was filled with souless characters.
    Just some background info for you all.
    Consider me weary of this project as well.

  47. tjfar67 says:

    What a country!
    In America, you cut the Russian movie.
    In Russia, the movies cut you.
    Yakov Smirnoff.

  48. messiahcomplexio says:

    bad boys 2 huh? This movie will now officially “own” me on cable.

  49. messiahcomplexio says:

    Praise for the movie “wanted”
    This movie “owned” me – lex
    Like getting tied to a post and beaten till you say your christian name- kunta kinta
    imagine getting cooked in an oven of awesome for 2 hours- anonymous holocaust survivor

  50. LexG says:

    Tell me opening up your newspaper to a full-page ad for WANTED with the blurb…
    – Lex G, LexG’s Movie Reviews
    …wouldn’t be the most awesome thing ever.
    Uni, you can have that shit for free.

  51. christian says:

    Except that a LexG rave would equal “bad movie.”

  52. IOIOIOI says:

    Jeff: why on earth would you want to run him out on a rail for being silly? What is so terribly wrong with Lex posting in the style he wants? Does it really require such bombast from you towards him?

  53. jeffmcm says:

    He’s not being silly.

  54. CaptainZahn says:

    I don’t think it looks too bad, but when I see the ads, I can’t focus on anything besides how sickly Angelina looks. I don’t think I’ll be seeing it.

  55. Joe Leydon says:

    From Publisher’s Weekly:
    THE OWNED AND THE OWNERS: An Autobiography by Lex G is the follow-up to the popular humorist’s best-selling TOTAL OWNAGE: My Quest for Hot Babes, Fast Wheels and a SAG Card. Much of the new book is devoted to the author’s profoundly ambivalent feelings regarding Quentin Tarantino’s film version of his first book, which co-starred Keira Knightly, Christina Ricci, Angelina Jolie and Anne Hathaway as romantic rivals obsessed with LexG (played by James McAvoy)…”

  56. LexG says:

    Joe, that was AWESOME. I am honored! Even if I’d have to be portrayed by WackAvoy.
    Thanks for the laugh.
    (Belated sidebar to answer something from a week or so back… never saw TOUGH GUYS DON’T DANCE, though I remember it being on Showtime back in the day and catching WINGS delivering some amusing monologue about having to bang two chicks a day… or something like that.)
    Back on topic…
    Was it a good idea to release this a mere four days before HANCOCK? Though the latter has the wide appeal, both of these are Big Events to the overgrown rapcore meathead frat-guy asshole gamer crowd.
    IE, me. Of course I’ll see both multiple times, but as the average dude sees like 10 movies a year, will he spring for the same edgy comic-type testosterone movie twice in a week?

  57. sharonfranz says:

    What’s wrong with The Forbidden Kingdom? I thought the fight between Jackie Chan and Jet Li, even though they’re on the same side, was great! The best part of the movie. Although they were kinda on opposite sides when they fought.
    I prefer the Jackie/Jet fight in Kingdom over the Jackie/Yen fight in Shanghai Knights. It’s longer, and there were more styles being displayed. BTW, have you seen the extended fights on the DVD? They should have left them in the film!

  58. Yeah, all of the extended fights on the Shanghai Knights DVD are terrific. I may get flamed for this, but the climactic sword fight, especially the uncut version, is perhaps my favorite cinematic sword duel.

  59. David Poland says:

    The difference between the silliness of Shoot Em Up and the silliness of Wanted is that the first doesn’t ever take itself seriously… the latter always does.
    The first has Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti… the latter has McAvoy out of his zone and uh.. well… uh… no remotely interesting bad guy.
    But yes, you can make that comparison. I don’t mind the big dumb cartoon. And if some like this film as that, great. But this “new revolution in film” shite is just more McG/300 crap to me. It ain’t even Tony Scott. And Shoot Em Up didn’t even aspire to Tony Scott… only to fun Arkoff/Corman.

  60. I imagine seeing a LexG quote on a movie ad would work the opposite way to this:
    LexG masturbating all over a movie is almost as good as reason as any other to not see a it. I do find it amusing that Lex hates James McAvoy considering he’s so nice, charming, hilarious and a damn fine actor. Much like that Lost Highway ad, LexG gives McAvoy the thumbs down then that’s just one more reason to like him (McAvoy I mean, obvs).
    Are you just jealous that James has such a pretty wife and gets to pash hot actresses?

  61. leahnz says:

    damn that’s a fine poster, kam, where do you find that stuff. you’re like my poster idol
    lex won’t know what ‘pash’ means

  62. Everyone knows what “pash” means, right?
    It’s got an overflowing collection of posters for David Lynch films and TV. Fascinating. For whatever reason, Lynch’s stuff always has a multitude of artwork assosciated with it.

  63. RudyV says:

    Will we ever someday see a movie actually based on WANTED’s original source material? As in a world run by supervillains after they killed off all the superheroes?

  64. movieman says:

    I’ve already commented on “Wanted” in a previous post (I thought it was the most pleasant surprise of the summer to date, as well as the year’s best action flick so far), but I’m a little surprised that Dave hasn’t shared his take of “Wall-E” with us yet.
    I finally got to see “W-E” the other nite and was blown away. It’s my favorite Pixar since “Nemo,” and quite possibly a new ‘toon classic. I’d be shocked (SHOCKED!) if it doesn’t win the Oscar for Best Animated Feature–and reign as the summer’s b.o. king.
    Yes, the first half is indeed stronger than the second half (the part with people), but the (largely) non-verbal sequences are
    simply brilliant.

  65. Alan Cerny says:

    David, I’m not thinking this is the “new revolution in film” either. I’m just hoping for a fun time, and it sounds like it delivers.

  66. sharonfranz says:

    300, I can forgive because the visuals are unique and impressive. McG, I agree, is crap. His films are just a bunch of commercials strung together. The guy just can’t squeeze any kind of emotion out of his actors or any excitement out of his action sequences.

  67. David Poland says:

    This is one of the rough parts of me, movieman… I see a movie before some others, hold embargo, and then, when I am distracted, the day comes and I haven’t written. Ebert kept those balls in the air better than anyone ever. I forget.
    It’s a masterpiece, by the way. Maybe the best Pixar film ever. Really wanted to see it again before writing – because “best ever” is a big thing to say about a Pixar film – and it hasn’t happened.

  68. LexG says:


  69. Joe Leydon says:

    Curve the Bullet? Was that the sequel to the Western starring Gene Hackman, James Coburn and Candice Bergen?

  70. leahnz says:

    wow, what a cool site, kam, lynch poster heaven!

  71. THX5334 says:

    After checking out your MySpace page; I don’t think making fun of fat people is in your best interests…
    Unless you’re down with being a hypocrite?

  72. LexG says:

    THX, what the hell are you talking about?
    My MySpace pics are either of me in a Halloween mask or head shots only. I’m 6’1″, 234 pounds of fucking awesome.
    Yeah, that’s slightly overweight but hardly John Candy sized. I’d describe my physique as… Poland-esque. And doesn’t matter, if I weighed 334 pounds, I’d still think it was funny as hell to laugh at FAT PEOPLE.
    Oh, and, uh, thanks for being a cock about it, you rambling, scatter-brained New Age nutcase.

  73. jeffmcm says:

    I thought you wanted attention, Lex?

  74. LexG says:

    It’s been weeks and weeks since the last Lex/McM straightener, a fine time of peace for all around here, and you can practically hear him champing (that’s how you spell it son – three college degrees) at the bit to mess with The Real again.
    I see Chucky, IO, RudyV, and T. Holly have done a yeoman’s job of annoying you in my stead (Chucky deservedly so), but the McM is at his giddiest when he can swoop in and seize on my stuff for some reason. Whatever.

  75. jeffmcm says:

    Only when you act like an asshole, which you haven’t (much) lately. This is purely a descriptive term.

  76. Jeffrey Boam's Doctor says:

    Curving bullets. Oh for fucks sake.
    Suck my balls WANTED.
    The only thing that Wanted OWNs is LEXG’s terrible fucking taste which apparently is lodged between his taint and his twat.
    For those who thought SHOOT EM UP was sliding too much on the side of highbrow comes this inane shitfeast to appease the cro-mag kids.

  77. T. Holly says:

    And it didn’t even have to fight hard to own that.
    Ann Hornaday cracks me up sometimes. She calls it “bending bullets like Beckham.”
    Not a plug, just sharing, 9:30am EST Friday, there’s a live chat with her:

  78. IOIOIOI says:

    Cro-mags? Hell of a punk band. What they have to do with movies is beyond me.

  79. movieman says:

    Glad to hear that you’re now an official member of the “Wall-E” fan club, Dave. Totally agree about it’s masterpiece status, and also can’t wait to go back for a second look (as tough as it is to see anything a second time these days).
    Caught “Hancock” last nite and was underwhelmed to say the least.
    I liked the first half of the movie well enough, but the whiplash tonal change in the second half? Not so much.
    P.S.= Even taking into account “Aeon Flux,” this felt like the strangest role of Charlize Theron’s post-Oscar career.

  80. T. Holly says:

    Meant 9:30a Pacific /12:30p Eastern. See you there with bells on.

  81. LexG says:

    This movie is about EMBRACING YOUR DESTINY and BECOMING.
    Many/most of you have never BECOME. Even Poland, a hanger-on WHO’S NOT FAMOUS but worships fame, HAS NEVER BECOME.

  82. THX5334 says:

    God, when you spout that shit, you come off like such a…
    Seriously, your views on masculinity and what is cool comes off like a guy that’s NEVER BEEN LAID.
    Dude, I will personally find you a hot chick to punch that V card if it will get you to stop with your faux Tyler Durden alcohol fueled rants.
    And no, it won’t be an escort…
    God, you call me crazy? Have you looked at your posts?
    I am really holding back on my words here, because like I said I saw your MySpace page and I felt nothing but pity.
    And maybe you’ve changed it, but I checked it the very first night whichever poster said to google it.
    (I didn’t know a scraggly beard with food in it, sunglasses and a fucked up beer chin constituted as a Halloween mask..go figure.)
    Because people don’t realize, words do hurt. Even from anonymous people. They can cast spells on our psyche and fuck up our mentality.
    And so I’m going to show some restraint this time because I don’t want the bad karma for destroying what’s left of that already fragile self esteem doctored up as Michael Bay’s bitch.
    You crack me up because all the tool actors you idolize as big pussy chasers are all in the closet….
    God, if you quit drinking, went to some therapy and built up that self esteem and talent you might get somewhere…
    Instead, you’re like every other fucking wannabe out here, trying to take the short cut, not willing to invest and do the work.
    Instead, you invent this ridiculous “shortcut” thinking you’re going to get famous by cracking off here?
    What makes you think funny text or words here makes you camera ready, knows how to deliver a line? How can I tell through here that you know how to act? That you know how to listen? How do I know if you have timing or rhythm or physicality?
    Your best shot at this lame attempt is if Murphy gives you a walk on part, but after what happened with that douche poster from his own message boards, I don’t think Murphy’s going to get anyone anything after awhile.
    Why don’t you just go to a fucking class? At the very least so you become more entertaining here.
    Any good comic knows when to change up their routine. You’ve been doing this same Michael Bay/Tyler Durden shit for awhile. Can you come up with something else?
    Oh, no, that’s right. Because you already know everything. You don’t need a class! You’re an entertaining filmmaking genius!!
    Go ahead dude, crack open another beer and keep drinking that false pride. Keep adding to that beer chin…
    When you’re ready to get serious about being in this business where the best analogy is 100,000 people drowning and fighting for 10 spots on a life raft, I’ll throw you a bone.
    Until then, you’re just a pathetic drunk.

  83. LexG says:

    I AM YOUR TYLER DURDEN. At least I can goddamn guarantee I’m SMARTER THAN YOU. I OWN YOUR ASS LIKE PLAINVIEW. When you see me post, THINK PLAINVIEW.
    DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE, other than posting misogynistic and homophobic rants and New Age rehab-speak bullshit. Therapy is BULLSHIT. Psychiatry is BULLSHIT.
    And, yeah, I TOTALLY go around in life with a SCRAGGLY BEARD that wasn’t for a student film or anything, just like I TOTALLY take seriously a bullshit MySpace page I created for my meathead online persona, just like I TOTALLY think I’m friends with all the B-list “friends on there” and I TOTALLY think POSTING DUMB SHIT HERE is THE BIG TICKET TO FAME. FOOL. FOOL. It’s a goddamn HILARIOUS act, layer upon layer of irony, so no one knows what’s what.
    And, bitch-ass, I can’t take A FUCKING CLASS because I work at a cubicle 65 hours a fucking week, so until I get instant fame, I can’t be out there POLISHING MY CRAFT because I have, like, BILLS AND SHIT, and I’m not an 18 year old kid put up at the Oakwood by rich stage parents.
    Go drop some more names, bitch, and tell us all about those hot models you’re ALLEGEDLY pulling even though nearly half your posts are absolutely fixated on calling people out for being in the closet or cockblocking all the women you so clearly have issues with.
    You’re a straight fucking douche on a site full of NOBODIES WHO NEVER WILL BE, from the top to the bottom this bitch site got ’em.
    They should call this place THE WACK BLOG.

  84. THX5334 says:

    Oooh…Looks like I hit too close to home.
    A cubicle job is your excuse?
    Clearly you don’t want it bad enough.
    And how do you know who I am?

  85. jeffmcm says:

    It’s neither hilarious nor ironic.
    I two friends who work normal office jobs AND are SAG-eligible actors, and you wanna know why? Because they actually enjoy acting. They took classes and now they perform once a week or so at IOWest and it’s not an imposition into their schedule, because they love to do it. Anybody who loves to act and perform doesn’t complain about how many hours they have to work in the office, knowing that they’ll be performing keeps them going during the day in anticipation.
    You clearly are chasing something you’re not cut out for or even honestly interested in in the first place.

  86. THX5334 says:

    VERY well said, Jeff.

  87. LexG says:

    Improv is wack as fuck.
    Funny I can’t picture Jason Statham doing fucking Wayne Brady bullshit.

  88. jeffmcm says:

    Please just shut up. It’s annoying to ask blog strangers to act as your therapists and life coaches.
    And you obviously haven’t seen “Is Wayne Brady going to have to choke a bitch?”

  89. LexG says:

    I didn’t ASK for shit. I’m TELLING shit.
    Therapy and life coaches are for the WEAK.
    Do you honestly think I’d seek career advice from a douchebag who CREATED HIS OWN IMDB PAGE, TOTALLY UNSOLICITED, REPLETE WITH TRIVIA?

  90. jeffmcm says:

    Then I don’t see what purpose you think you’re serving.

  91. THX5334 says:

    Unless you go to the gym with me today, you aren’t going to be doing anything Jason Statham does either…
    And, you clown IOWest, but half the cast of The Office comes from out of there, as well as bookings on SNL and Mind of Mencia.
    And you call yourself a comic?
    More like poser wannabe.
    How can you think you’re so “intelligent” with such whack emotional logic and taste?
    Fuck, I’m throwing it down right now:
    I’ll throw in a buck, shit I’ll throw in five, if it means we can get a better attempt at some humor here.
    Who’s down?
    (Damn, Lex, maybe you’re thing is working!)

  92. jeffmcm says:

    The incredibly squeaky and annoying wheel gets the grease?

  93. THX5334 says:

    “I didn’t ASK for shit. I’m TELLING shit.
    Therapy and life coaches are for the WEAK.”
    Spoken just like a drunk in denial. Oh man, you are such a square. You really have no idea how it works here do you?
    How many successful people in front of and behind the camera employ the things you’re dissing.
    (Shh…even the ones Lex idolizes….Shhh!! don’t tell him! Don’t want to ruin his delusions!)

  94. THX5334 says:

    “Do you KNOW how many successful people in front of and behind the camera employ the things you’re dissing?”

  95. Joe Leydon says:

    LexG: I get a shout-out on the commentary track of the Knocked Up DVD. And was quoted by name in the original TV spots for Rapid Fire, Honeymoon in Vegas and Glengarry Glen Ross And I’m alluded to (but not, alas, referred to by name) in a recent NYT interview with Helen Hunt (who, as we both know, OWNS YOUR ASS). Does this qualify me as famous?

  96. LexG says:

    Leydon, you are exempt because you OWN.
    IO, doug r, yancy, movieman, scooterzz, Vicuna, Drew, leahnz, Gittes, Jimmy the Gent and a few others are all good too because they KNOW.

  97. THX5334 says:

    Sweet, then they should all be in to throw down on your acting and comedy classes…

  98. RudyV says:

    A cubicle job? Even at 65 hrs/week…dude, you own me. Yeah, just two days ago I had to change more than thirty rims in sixty minutes with a lug wrench just to prove I could handle factory work.
    Where could I find a job like yours?

  99. LexG says:

    Hey, THBitch…
    Obviously time is the issue, not money… if they have any acting classes at 1am, I’m totally down.
    I don’t know how deeply ensconced you truly are in the LA realm of acting, but can you honestly say those goofy-ass random word association games and cold-readings of scenes from GOSSIP GIRL (both common in LA classes) are on par with a true education in the theater? Because I have taken LA classes, and trust me, anyone remotely creative, especially a film or TV buff, can bluff their way through those cookie-cutter exercises. Hardly like Daniel Day Lewis doing HAMLET on the legit stage, is it?

  100. THX5334 says:

    Where did you take classes Lex?
    God your arguments come off like an LA noob whose entire acting knowledge comes from attending a few bullshit seminars found in Backstage West…
    How long have you lived here? Do you really think there’s no good acting schools in the film capital of the world?
    Because going by your description, you didn’t go to IO, or for real Acting classes, The Larry Moss studio for one real example.
    Larry Moss incorporates a style of his own from New York and he also teaches techniques created by other greats such as Mike Lee, Uta Hagen, Sanford Meisner, Stanislavski, you name it..
    And a lot of what you do there is straight up theatre. I remember one guy in class worked on a scene as Stanley in Streetcar for almost a year.
    Two places I know that don’t engage in such things as Gossip Girl exercises. What you’re stupid ass is talking about is probably casting workshops. Where you spend $250 to cold read and get advice from a casting directors. And anyone in the game knows you don’t go to those things to learn anything, you go to strike a repore with the casting director so if you ever walk into an audition they’re running there’s some familiarity or by chance you’re the look they need, so they throw you a bone after meeting you at the workshop..
    Playhouse West is a spot for Meisner technique. If you want another example of a legit school. Although I hear the real good classes are the ones Jeff Goldblum teaches and they’re hard to get into (if he still even teaches)
    And another point about acting and why you need class. Any real actor knows that acting is like a sport or excercise. If you’re not always working or always in class working your craft, you get cold. You get atrophy. I’ve said it before, batters don’t bat over .300 without going to the batting cages, and an actor isn’t worth shit if those acting muscles aren’t warmed up.
    But whatever man. You decided to roll the dice on standup, the most masochistic of the performing arts. Where it’s normal to have 15 bad sets for every one or two good jokes in one set..
    But you tried it a couple of times and now you’ve already decided you’re a failure at this and it’s not going to happen for you. And you’re just shouting your –
    “Many/most of you have never BECOME. Even Poland, a hanger-on WHO’S NOT FAMOUS but worships fame, HAS NEVER BECOME.
    What a bunch of shit.
    Like the alcoholic or addict who gets everyone and anyone around them to drink or use with them to justify their own addiction;
    you like to shout how we’re all weak and nobody’s because you’re trying to justify feeling that about yourself.
    You keep justifying your failures and your fears and your self sabotages, you drunkard.
    I’m gonna keep playing the game. I’m Poland-esque in my physique too, because of the script I’m finishing. But I do have a model girlfriend who I’ve been living with for over a year, who is covering the bills for the moment so I can finish this script. She’s amazing and a real honorable woman. Accuse me of mysoginy if you must, but I just happen to know there’s a difference between women and actresses in this town. And trust me, I got her by being positive and honorable in this town instead of some negative Amped amp Alpha male wanna be Frat fuck like your self…
    I actually like you Lex, when you come to your senses and you want to actually perfect your craft, it’s an open invitation on some help.
    But I’m sure you’ll piss on it, like most alcoholic self sabotagers do. And then you’ll justify why you’re right.
    God, the script I’m working on, is so meant for douches like you. If it gets made, I’m gonna put a dedication credit somewhere in that film for you, I swear.
    Enjoy your misery, Lex. I’ve got work to do.

  101. THX5334 says:

    One more thing…
    If money isn’t an issue, why not apply to USC? Any legit contacts, mangers, agents, everything and anything real I’ve come to in this town is because of my time and degree from there.
    Go for their master’s program! They also have a kick ass theater program, and agruably the best film school in the world that is about to get a $175million overhaul thanks to my favorite Pimp – George Lucas. Not to mention they have serious aspirations to becoming the number one school for interactive arts (video games)
    Shit, I’ll help you with your application and even write you a letter of recommendation.
    I bet JeffMcM will too if you tone down your Man is weak, fuck a model gibberish.
    A couple of alumni letters of rec. can’t hurt.
    Maybe Murphy will write a third?
    The point is, there’s always options and always a way.
    Oh, and the point about my divulging my own physique was to let any of the silent ones in crazy “Hell-A” that might be believing your Only Gods fuck a model, bullshit, that you don’t need to look like Brad Pitt to pull a hot, cool girl in this city.
    That being said, unfortunately Lex is right you do need to look fit if you want to play the lead in front of the camera, so that being said, I’m off to the gym.
    Unless you want to be Seth Rogen or Jack Black…(Both who are more Pimp than Michael Bay or any of those other douches)
    And Lex, if you’re wanna follow Statham, maybe you should join me?
    Oh, that’s right. It’d just be easier to crack one open and make fun of fat people…

  102. jeffmcm says:

    THX, if you got the reincarnated corpse of Lee Strasberg to show up at Lex’s place to give him free acting lessons from beyond the grave, he’d find an excuse to not do it. He doesn’t want to do work, he wants to live a lifestyle.

  103. T. Holly says:

    THX, good job explaining at June 27, 2008 11:36 AM, otherwise if I were more of an alien just popping in here, I’d have no idea. This is what I imagine some AA meeting in Burbank to be like.

  104. THX5334 says:

    That was awesome! Burbank AA meetings, I’m sure are another great place to make contacts. Though I can imagine, you can’t walk in there just trying to make connections.
    Instead you need to go in there really trying to get sober and let nature take it’s course.
    My friends in recovery say “The Lodge” off of Robertson is pretty Hollywood heavy as well.

  105. THX5334 says:

    Jeff, you may be right…

  106. The Big Perm says:

    Yay! Drunk loser Lex is back! I guess he realized when he writes normally no one cares about what he has to say at all since he’s so boring. o he has to revert back to his KRAZY “online personality” in order to make anyone give a fuck.

  107. LexG says:

    YAY! Bitch Perm is back!
    I take issue with you saying my “normal” postings were boring. I am one of the most widely acclaimed and insightful commentators on this board when I choose to be. It is well-known and even haterz like McM fully recognize that fact. So now you’re just reaching for insults. Also, your grammar and punctuation are consistently wanting, but that’s a side issue.
    The joke is ultimately on you, since it’s so hilariously obvious that anyone who so actively dislikes what I write is SEEING THEMSELVES IN MY WORDS (I make you guys feel insecure about your outsider status, which is the worst thing to be in this town), and you’re Exhibit B on this site of people who HAVE to rush in anytime I say, well, anything. Glad you’re such a fan.
    Also, TH-Bitch, I’m not an alcoholic nor would I ever go within 500 yards of “rehab” and its New Age bullshit. You’re drinking too much? Stop drinking. There, I just saved you the bullshit.

  108. LexG says:

    As an addendum (look it up, Big P, I know you’re not very intelligent)…
    It’s hilarious that BP used “boring” in his spiel, since that’s what I called him and it so clearly stung that he’s still stewing about it. Kind of like how immediately after that, he suddenly became Mr. Film on here after months and months of only existing to insult other regulars.
    What a fucking loser. BIG PERM. Nice handle, bitch. Bet you’re rethinking that now.
    BIG PERM. Fucking dork. Go watch Friday again, white nerd.

  109. jeffmcm says:

    Lex, without speaking for the others, I dislike your postings because they’re obnoxious and without value. If they were funny that would be a different story but they’re not. They really serve no useful purpose, like so much disjointed, rambling white noise about hot chicks and failed career yearning.
    Is there something else of value that I’m missing?

  110. yancyskancy says:

    Yikes. Y’know, I can completely understand if someone doesn’t dig Lex’s comedy stylings. That’s subjective, of course. But I’m always a bit surprised at the level of vitriol he generates here. It reminds me of those who used to get truly incensed at Andy Kaufman’s women-wrestling shtick (or just about any other Kaufman routine, for that matter).
    I don’t claim to KNOW or OWN anything, but I keep thinking that some day we’ll find out that LexG is actually the latest comedy persona of Sasha Baron Cohen. Then we’ll ALL feel OWNED. 🙂

  111. jeffmcm says:

    Yancy, can you tell me if/why Lex is funny?

  112. The Big Perm says:

    Hey Lex, your MySpace page makes you look like a child molester.

  113. LexG says:

    BP, you missed a comma in that sentence.
    Figure it out.

  114. The Big Perm says:

    Insulting my commas is truly a deathblow. You win, I admit it.
    I will slink off now to socailize all night with many hot babes and try to get over it.

  115. LexG says:

    I shouldn’t insult without provocation, but all this discussion is missing (and sure to get) is a cutting, catty remark from that over-opinionated Aussie chatterbox Kami, whose rush to (over) share each and every thought that pops into his head, combined with his faux-cheery exterior, only paper the cracks of a ferocious mean streak.

  116. jeffmcm says:

    The thing is, KCamel is a good guy with interesting opinions and a pleasant attitude.
    What it all boils down to me is that I just don’t _get_ Lex’s rantings, if there’s anything to get in the first place.

  117. Triple Option says:

    Wow, is there even a point in me commenting on the OP at this point?
    I’m not gonna lie to you, I really found the movie enjoyable. Yes, I would say there’s a difference between an enjoyable (entertaining) film and good (complete) one. It seems by the posts that to some a film can only be enjoyable if it’s good and anyone attempting to make only an enjoyable film be damned for contaminating the sacred observance of filmmaking.
    Everything set up is on tertiary levels. The lead character’s life, the role of the hero forces and their villains. Once it’s all laid out and one can see there’s not a whole lot of explanation as to the why or the what could become, I don’t know why one would expect any more than the when and the how to be answered throughout the course of the movie.
    This is not to say that it’s OK for studios to dumb down films or that they should not try to make “good, ” action flix. What makes Wanted acceptable in its absurdity is that the level of action sequences aren’t being pushed by studio execs or filmmakers with a lack of self control. “We should make this even bigger!” mentality. I got the impression some people sat down and thought, “wouldn’t it be cool if…”
    Yes, it was excessively complicated in elaborate set ups and stunts but so are Wile E. Coyote attempts to capture the Roadrunner but that’s what makes those cartoons so fun.
    I really dislike some action films, particularly stemming from graphic novel adaptations, (that I don’t read), that take for granted the audience’s willingness to suspend disbelief. Then there’s the insulting and disappointing practice of justifying the final big bang sequences with nothing more than the dismissive, “well, if they’re on board at the beginning and haven’t walked out, we might as well do this at the end.”
    There’s prolly nothing more unbelievable than thinking a tatted up Angelina Jolie could whup anybody’s arse when I her bony frame wouldn’t get even money to make it across the Vons parking at 2 AM, yet she was totally convincing.
    It wasn’t Batman Begins in terms of what the lead had to overcome both in plot and inner struggle. It didn’t feign to offer the struggle of purpose vs commitment that the lead would have to face over his gift ala Spiderman II. Nor was a faux plot conceived to string along big bucks explosions that can render the movie viewing process as pointless. It was execution of a simple premise. It’s not completely uncommon for “good” action films to be built on “we gotta take the hill” or “we must slay the dragon” simplistic premises. My point is just because the attempt isn’t made, or better yet, is purposefully jettisoned, to be a “complete” film, it doesn’t mean that an extensive effort can’t be taken to create an enjoyable film whose results shouldn’t be summarily vilified as heresy.

  118. Wrecktum says:

    What is wrong with you people?

  119. LexG says:


  120. LexG says:

    Hey, Poland, I’ve asked before, but when you interview hot celebrities, do you go home and punch the clown?

  121. LexG says:

    Jeff (though genteel by using standards… more of a RENTING)
    Bitch Perm (I won’t even bother dissing his weak babes” line)
    Kami in advance

  122. Wrecktum says:

    May I be owned too, please?

  123. LexG says:

    Nah, you’re OK.
    Strangely, somehow, miraculously… even jeffmcm isn’t bothering me that much. Just THX’s passive-aggressive, condescending bullshit set me off. That and everyone’s collective lack of enthusiasm for getting their asses owned by “Wanted.”

  124. jeffmcm says:

    I’d certainly like to bother Lex more.
    I’d also like to talk about movies, and why Lex’s reasons for enjoying a movie that I’m pretty sure he hasn’t seen but still described as “this is the best kind of entertainment going (ie, R-Rated, megaviolent, hateful widescreen action movies)” is pretty much the worst thing a person can write on a movie blog if they want to be taken seriously. I’d kind of like to read the long-winded thesis he said he could produce.

  125. THX5334 says:

    Do you even know what that means?
    As far as I can tell, I was pretty direct and on point.
    God whoever the poster was that said you are just like “Brucie” in GTA IV hit the nail on the fucking head. Except Brucie is ripped in the stomach, while you’re just ripped in the head and adding to that beer chin.
    You want to know what my problem is with you Lex? Let me be very clear, so as we don’t feel the need to throw psychology terms out that we don’t understand – (makes sense since you think mental health is bullshit anyways)-
    Is that while there might be a modicrum of talent and intelligence in that alcohol fueled brain of yours, my problem with you is that you my dear friend Lex –
    Propagate and perpetuate the worst of Hollywood’s cliche “values” that are slowly seeping their way into American culture and just create more fucking dysfunction and ruin.
    You objectify women and only give them a pass based on their sexuality, not on their talent…(This is why I’m confused as to why Yancy gives you a pass, but es lo que es)
    You objectify men as to only having value if they’re Ken dolls. And that the only way they will ever find a chick, love, sex whatever is if they have a certain type of physicality or if they’re rich. Basically equalizing both sexes to nothing more than “whores”
    Your taste in what is good film is the very type of Post-Modern blockbuster marketing based drivel that is arguable ruining theatrical exhibition as a business.
    And I’m not talking good big comic book movies, which is exactly the kind of films I aim to make, (as if my handle doesn’t show I’m geek enough)
    You love Michael Bay. The guy that ruined the block buster with his lack of narrative, sexualized stereotypes, horrible musical scores, and an over indulgence of the yellow filter…
    You love reality TV, the kind of shit that is putting narrative based story telling out of business everywhere because it’s cheap and easy. You perpetuate taking away time and money for good “story telling” from networks and theatres…
    And my favorite part, is, you buy into THE SPIN. My God, this is why you’re a square. The Hollywood Bullshit spin and marketing they put on ET, E!, VH1 and MTV and Bravo and Perez Hilton – You think this is really how the game is!!! Like one of the fucking flying monkeys who thinks the big Wizard is a big green head hologram, you refuse to peek behind the curtain and see the little man running the machine for what it is…
    You are a fucking square tool for that…
    Instead, you would rather perpetuate the negative stereotypes that are ruining future generatations and keep dudes like your self down. You don’t want to just sabotage your self, you want to sabotage everyone else.
    Now, you may hate me, but I still believe there is some talent in you.
    So, if you don’t have time to go to acting classes, or comedy classes because you’re too busy working…
    But you do have time to be a grammar elitist to the likes of Big Perm…
    Than why don’t you write a fucking screenplay on your off time? Writing costs nothing, and can be turned into dollars.
    It can even help with your acting. It worked for Matt and Ben. Why not you?
    Bottom line, just like nobody knows anything, there’s no excuses to this game.
    Even if my shit fails, I’ve got scripts and IP’s under my belt and I can at least say I tried and created SOMETHING.
    What about you?
    Until you put up some kind of work, or are performing regularly anywhere, or are working on your craft, you should shut the fuck up.
    You are not real until you do. You are nothing but a hater. But, then again, you already decided that for yourself didn’t you?
    God, now I’m just hoping this shit isn’t going to drive you to the Bolivian flake, if you’re not a skier already. We actually like you Lex, we don’t want you pulling a Ted Demme.
    Oh, and as for “OWNING” me, I think you’re admittance above that I got under your skin, shows who got “OWNED”…
    Until you are putting out some kind of work through writing (since you’re such a grammar-jedi), or performing, or in class…
    In the words of our esteemed collegue “IO”
    “You sir, should not play.”
    Is that direct enough for you?

  126. movieman says:

    …apropos of nothing, but did anyone else notice how much McAvoy sounds exactly like Tom Cruise at key moments in “Wanted”?
    Reminded me of Ken Branagh’s vocal imitation of Mandy Patinkin in “Dead Again.”
    Weird. I guess some British actors can’t do “neutral American” (regional dialects, especially Southern, seem to come naturally, however), so they find a particular Yank actor whose dulcet stylings they can easily mimic.
    The “Death Race” trailer is sorta cool: but what the **** is Joan Allen doing in a remake of a ’70s Roger Corman drive-in flick?
    And the new “Mummy” looks like “The Forbidden Kingdom” on crack.
    Best new trailer I’ve seen lately is “Eagle Eye.” Kinda shocked that they mention Spielberg’s name, but make no reference to “…from the director and star of ‘Disturbia.'” Jersey Chuck should be pleased by their discretion.

  127. jeffmcm says:

    You forgot the parts where, when called out, he either tries to change the subject, goes on the offensive with name-calling, or pretends like he was just joking.

  128. Lota says:

    the Owned and the un-Owned. A movie coming soon to a peep-show near you.
    I agree with Boam’s Doctor, Big Perm, & Wrecktum
    and THX I know you mean to save him, but please donate your money to UNICEF and Red Cross, it is money better spent. I just sent them a big pile of money and I will put an extra $10 for Lex when I do my next donation.
    LexG if you think Angie owns, help rebuild in NOLA or donate to UNICEF, seriously. The best way to not succeed in writing is to stay on the mfcking internet. Read some Dickens, cornell Woolrich, Mark twain & Jane Austen. LAs libraries suck compared to NYC & CHicago but they do have those authors and it will cost you nothing to learn something useful.
    Wanted’s realism problem is not its problem. It’s more that it just isn;t good cinema.
    I like movies that are entertaining whether or not I can believe the stunts or situations. Sonatine was suspended reality throughout but it made me fall in love with the genius (or Genuis as it used to be said on D-Po’s blog) that is Kitano.
    I love me some UNreality that is GOOD–I actually prefer good UNreality to good reality unless it is a documentary. That is the problem with many movies made–they simply aren’t good.
    If a movie is bad, even if it is realistic…it’s still a bad movie.
    Good unreality: the beat my heart skipped; anything by Kitano; a few graphic novel adaptations, island of Lost Souls
    You are giving LexG free therapy without the Yuk-Yuks.
    I say…is that fair?
    Ignore LexG and donate to UNICEF.

  129. Lota says:

    The Boss Didn’t Say Good Morning (1937)
    a short I recommend…if you can find it
    I don;t know why reading this thread made me think of it. It also made me think of Office Space…and we are each in our own little cubicle in D-Po’s big office. But who is Lumbergh?!

  130. Lota says:

    …and Johnnie To is anything but realistic…and he is a cineGod. he can do comedy and drama well.

  131. THX5334 says:

    as usual, I bow to your wisdom.

  132. jeffmcm says:

    THX, you beat me to it.

  133. Sevenmack says:

    After finally seeing “Night Watch” after I finally saw Neveldine/Taylor’s “Crank”, I’d rather watch the latter. At least the directors of the latter don’t take themselves or the movie all that seriously; it’s all about taking a barely-plausible premise (if that’s even true), pumping it up “Grand Theft Auto” style and having a good time.
    “Night Watch”, on the other hand, is, to follow up on Poland’s line about just wanting sex, getting a night of thousand-dollar sex toys, sex swings and exotic dungeon-like locations when all you really want to do is bust a nut while on the couch.

  134. yancyskancy says:

    jeff – nothing’s harder than trying to explain WHY one finds something funny. And of course no explanation has ever convinced anyone to suddenly find hilarity where they didn’t before. So I think I’ll just say that once I realized that Lex’s shtick was too well written to truly be the raving of a post-adolescent Butthead, I enjoyed it. I’m sure that the one-note relentlessness of it is what drives some of you up the wall, but that’s part of the joke, too. As is pissing you guys off. Though I’d never rank a blog poster with Andy Kaufman or Sasha Baron Cohen, both of whom I mentioned above, I do think Lex is working that side of the street, even if his skin isn’t as thick as theirs.
    THX: I guess the above also hints at why I give Lex a “pass,” as you say. If I truly thought he was a misogynistic, reality-TV-loving, Bay-worshiping nitwit, that would be different (I might still laugh, but it would be at him, not with him). I don’t know what the expiration date is, but for now I get a kick out of his “character,” which I suppose you could describe as a self-hating, uber-mensch wannabe. It’s kind of original.
    There, I’m sure I’ve turned everyone around now. 🙂

  135. IOIOIOI says:

    It’s called “CUTTING A PROMO.” Look into it folks. It will explain Lex’s posting style to many of you.

  136. LexG says:

    Of course WANTED FUCKING OWNED and I’m going to see it SIX MORE TIMES just this weekend alone, but at the end I was shaking with exhileration because it’s like the writers were Hot Blog fans.
    And it fucking ruled when JOLIE OWNED McAVOY’S GIRLFRIEND.
    FUCK YES. Just going to *see* this movie will put you on a path to being a MORE IMPORTANT AND POWERFUL HUMAN BEING.

  137. jeffmcm says:

    Yancy, see, I would like to be able to agree with you. For example, the first time or two that Lex said that he was super horny for Kristen Stewart, my reaction was “ha, he’s joking” and then he kept saying that, and other similar stuff, over and over and over again. It was like he didn’t understand the rules of comedy, basically, and the only way I could make sense of it was that he was just unleashing his id and saying what he really thought/thinks. I mean, when you really look at his posts, like the above one, I don’t see a real level of irony. I think that he means what he’s saying.

  138. jeffmcm says:

    IOI, can you do me a favor and explain what you mean?

  139. LexG says:


  140. jeffmcm says:

    What am I supposed to do with this information?

  141. LexG says:

    That train setpiece was off the fucking hook.
    I can’t believe even the haterz wouldn’t give that shit its props.
    I can’t BELIEEEEEEEEEEVE I’m about to concede this, but I’m drinking for the first time in a month (it’s ON YOU, THX! CHEERS)…
    The script was a little weak.
    They just get SUPERNATURALLY GET MESSAGES ON WHO TO KILL NEXT? WACK. None of that shit is remotely explained.
    That dude at the beginning could just randomly FLY?
    The rat trick was novel and all, but wasn’t there a more efficient way of handling that? Plus why was there such minimal fallout from all that chaos? There were like 2 billion strapped rats in that piece.
    GENERAL ZOD kind of floats in late in the game, and the fact that HE’s at a similar, original textile machinery thingamajig is kind of ill-explained.
    If you really wanna get technical — and I think someone mentioned this above or elsewhere — that first female innocent bystander who getting OWNED is a HUUUUGE plothole unless that was purely an accident.

  142. LexG says:

    While I’m being a drunk bitch, I’ll puss out and say I feel bad for bagging on Poland above. He’s a good writer and it’s his site and all, so calling him an ass-sucker was disrespectful. I was just startled that he wouldn’t acknowledge his MOST ELECTRIFYING AND POPULAR COMMENTER in a review of a movie so obviously tailor-made for said individual. But whatever. Good times, Poland.
    I still want to know if entertainment journalists jerk it after interviewing hot actresses. Fuck knows I would.
    I despise myself.

  143. IOIOIOI says:

    Jeff: it’s called the GOOGLE. Look it up. Since you are as lazy to use it as some other people I know. “Cutting a Promo” is a pro-wrestling term, that refers to one wrestler slamming and ripping apart another wrestler verbally. This is what Lex has been doing for months now, and you are taking it way too seriously.
    I once again have no idea how someone posting in such an over-the-top and clearly silly style, could garner such hate from people on a blog. A blog that has seen a ridiculous level of vitriol over the years that does not even come close to stating how hot Kristen Stewart is, or how awesome some movie turns out to be.
    If Lex is so evil. What about the people such as yourself? Have you not slammed me in ways that make Lex seem tame? I think so. So stop throwing stones. When you live in a very similar house.

  144. jeffmcm says:

    IOI, since I actually work on promos right now, I figured you must actually mean ‘cutting a promo’ in the traditional sense of the term, so I didn’t bother to google it.
    Take a look at the posts above you and tell me how silly you think he is now. (I don’t think your version of ‘silly’ and my version of ‘silly’ are the same words perhaps).
    And IOI, I only ‘slam you’ when you behave the same way as Lex – irrationally.

  145. leahnz says:

    lex -auditions are down the hall, you freaky little man
    jeff – don’t let him get a rise out of ya
    kam – don’t sweat it, lex is just jealous of your poster-spotting and thought-sharing skills
    io – commas! they rock
    thx – don’t let lex worm into your brain, he’ll just leave holes
    big perm – i for one like your hair, frizzy as it may be
    yancy – lex in’t very funny, but hey, it’s good to have a big sense of humour
    i’m sure i’ve missed someone, so whoever it is, just…i don’t know, be cool
    i’ll fuck off now of my own accord

  146. LexG says:

    LEAHNZ kinda OWNS, even if she is friends with the OZZIE JINABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYNE HATA KCamel.
    Get on THE SPACE and shoot an ADD, hotness.

  147. KamikazeCamelV2.0 says:

    Hard as it may be to believe Lex, but the reason I haven’t been present in the major part of this entry is because I’m busy having a life.
    Is “HATA” the same as “hater”? cause Jindabyne was my #1 film of 2006.
    So, I repeat:

  148. IOIOIOI says:

    Leahnz: Australian’s speak their own form of English. Excuse me for speaking the WORLD-PREFERRED version. Jeff: the idea that you believe you have to right to slam anyone, demonstrates that you are worse than Lex. You have no idea what makes me irrational. How could you then know what determines the proper response? Seriously… this is silly… but people like you and leahnz believe they have the right to treat people like shit on this blog. Unfortunately for you two… you do not.

  149. yancyskancy says:

    leahnz wrote: “yancy – lex in’t very funny, but hey, it’s good to have a big sense of humour”
    Well, as I said, no one has ever been talked into finding something funny. But there’s also the flip side: if something makes us laugh, no one will ever convince us that it’s not funny.
    jeff: Of course it’s true that if Lex is not “in character,” he’s just a pathetic soul who perhaps deserves our sympathy. But I’m inclined to think he’s simply mining a vein of humor that, like any vein of humor, is not for everyone. Or it could be both, I guess. 🙂

  150. christian says:

    What are you babbling about LexG? I mean, really?
    It’s touching to see THX try to actually help you while you spin into a Redbull Rage over nothing.
    You’re like the Puck of The Hot Blog. And I don’t mean Shakespeare…

  151. jeffmcm says:

    IOI, “world-preferred”? Speaking of silly.
    And until you stop calling people c*nts whenever they disagree with you, you’ll continue to get appropriate treatment.

  152. IOIOIOI says:

    Jeff: those people who get slammed. Get slammed for a reason. If you are going to try and bully the likes of me. You are going to receive the proper response. You seem to ignore the whole “bullying” thing, and carry on with your merry bullshit. Ut-uh. Nope. It does not work that way.
    Bring me a 100 more Lex’s. Bring me a 1000 of them. Unlike you; he’s not a cunt online. He also does not act like he’s the boss of a blog. Who can dish out punishment when he sees fit, as if he’s the arbiter of justic around here. When really… you are once again being an asshole Jeffery. You apparently need to be an asshole around here like Lex needs to be Lex. You are the Ying. He’s the Yang. Get a fucking clue, you backwater insect.
    Oh yeah, dipshit. You do know that it’s the world-preferred because of movies and our culture? You get that? Right?

  153. yancyskancy says:

    I just saw Wanted. It is indeed a bunch of over-the-top, state-of-the-art nonsense, but I was actually surprised how much narrative survived the flash. It’s amusing and it’s full of outlandish visuals I’ve never seen before. The train sequence is indeed an eye-opener. No masterpiece, but nothing to get too bent out of shape about. I guess this constitutes giving it a pass.
    Beware Lex haters: the movie does indeed play out like a Lex fantasy come to life. I wouldn’t be surprised if he co-wrote it under a pseudonym.

  154. IOIOIOI says:

    I saw Wanted today as well. It really does have very little love for humanity in terms of it’s message and that train set-piece. It’s a cool set-piece that kills more random innocents then any great 80s action-film set-piece. It’s ridiculous. Cool, but ridiculous. Nevertheless; Wall-E is a masterpiece. If you hate it. Your soul is running low.

  155. THX5334 says:

    Well; I guess you’re talking about your buddy Lex,
    IO –
    Because he has gone on record numerous times on how “Animation is for Bitches” “Animation is for the weak”
    He doesn’t give anything a pass. Not Cowboy Bebop, Not Trigun, Not The Incredibles, Not Batman The Animated Series, Not FLCL, Nothing by Pixar, Nada…
    Yet, when he throws the same kind of hate like this at everything else (I don’t need to get into how or where again)
    You give it a pass…
    I don’t understand.
    Do you give him the same pass when he types in all caps about how much Animation is for bitches and the weak?
    That seems to be the only thing you two have in common IO, you both love to be passionate and type in caps.
    I like him too, but you blindly defend him without seeing how he constantly takes a shit on the principles you so righteously defend to others.
    It really is confusing.
    I’m not trying to pick a fight, but the only sensible answer is you’re “enabling” the dude.
    Yet, you do it at the cost of your own principles, the very above post about Wall-E being the perfect example of those principles…
    And Lex, cheers to you too buddy. Why don’t you pull a Hemingway and put some words down on the Final Draft when you’re in your stupor instead of here?
    Who knows? You may come up with something good.
    I’ve got a team that can get it sold, and if I did, and made money off you, then it would be solidified what is clear to everyone here…
    You are the bitch.
    And I am the Pimp.
    And IO, in this case, is the trick.
    Break’s over. Back to work.
    Lota’s crack about staying on the internet being the best way to not get any writing done, was a much needed slap of cold water to the face.
    So, if I’m not around as much it’s because I’m trying to get something done that hopefully you will all dig (even you Lex)
    But I admit my addiction here, so we’ll see.
    Everybody here is cool. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise…
    Until the next entry…(probably in about five minutes)

  156. “Leahnz: Australian’s speak their own form of English.”
    Firstly, Leah is from NEW ZEALAND – seriously, it’s there in her screen name – also, what exactly is so different about Australian english outside of the local ockerisms we have that is so different to your world-preferred American english.
    IO, insulting entire nations since 2008!

  157. jeffmcm says:

    IOI, I apologize if you think I’ve ‘bullied’ you in the past, especially since my reaction to you is pretty much exactly the same: you often act like a bully yourself (as in your last foul-mouthed post up above for example.) But a bully is exactly the last thing I want to be.
    I am perfectly happy being Lex’s “Ying”, though.

  158. I said “so different” twice by accident. That’s not the “australian thing” though.

  159. leahnz says:

    i see ‘supermouth’ (my after dark – and often a few beers – alter ego) has been at it again, leaping into the fray! oh dear, that’s so her.
    kam, i think i give up on the ‘nz is not the same country as aus’ shtick, nobody listens anyway. but thanks for trying
    io, the use of commas is common to both american and the queen’s english.
    yancy, funny is indeed like beauty, in the eye of the beholder. sometimes it’s just hard to see how someone can think something is funny that you find so not funny, if ya know what i mean. same goes for movies

  160. a lot of people in america don’t have maps, after all…

  161. IOIOIOI says:

    Jeff: Kam and Leah are examples of people being bullying assholes around. They think they are just responding in kind, but they are being antagonistic asses. Who do nothing more than keep the HATE alive around here. I mean… come on… who wants to get along with these two fuckers, when all they do is insult people? Seriously… we could be cool around here. If people like yourself, Kame, and Leah stopped acting as if they were GODS on this board.
    I also do not accept your apology Jeff because you apparently have no idea what it means to be bullied. Seriously, you bully everyone, and have bragged about RUNNING PEOPLE OFF THE BOARD. Yeah… you never want to be a bully. Sure.
    I am just a guy who refuses to deal with the bullshit people like you, Kam, and Leah dish out around here. So we can be cool. If you three and others like you can be cool. There just seems to be a shortage of cool around here. Thank goodness for Lex for adding some colour to this rather dull and gray pallet of posters.

  162. CaptainZahn says:

    Lex is starting to win me over.

  163. IOIOIOI says:

    Damn right he is. MORE LEX! LESS JEFF, KAM, AND LEAH!

  164. jeffmcm says:

    IOI, the people who I was glad to get rid of from here were your great friend, the guy from Hicksville who pretended to be twenty different posters; and Hunter Tremayne, who also posted under a false identity with the express purpose of belittling and attacking anyone he didn’t agree with. All of our lives are better without them.
    I think ultimately there’s a huge communication gap between us. I don’t think you’re a bad person but we obviously don’t understand each other about 50% of the time.

  165. jeffmcm says:

    PS: KCamel and Leah both strike me as terrific people and I don’t understand the acrimony to them except that they, like me, refuse to put up with childish behavior.

  166. Martin S says:

    Lex is Will Ferrell’s Frat Boy from Weekend Update, circa Colin Quinn.
    THX – my .02 – It’s easy to run into guys who are truly like Lex in the real world. So when you come to a place that is supposed to be devoid of the attitude and find it, it feels intrusive. My advice is to think of Lex as akin to a streaker; things are going on, then whammo – nude dude runs through. It leaves you with the choice to let ’em pass by, or tackle ’em. So going for the latter may be the best option to retain civility, but realize that you’re also going to be left holding a screaming, naked, crazy guy.
    And IO – why would you want more people at this blog to be like you, when that’s all you have here? Add a half-dozen IOish fanboys and this becomes a poor man’s talkback, not a blog where people debate and discuss, no matter how glib, terse or off-topic it gets. What do you get out of more people with soapboxes and attitude? And why do you think Poland would put up with it?

  167. Lota says:

    “Excuse me for speaking the WORLD-PREFERRED version.”
    I guess, Martin S., that it has already become a poor man’s talkback.
    The streaker analogy is a good one, but What happens when you get 2 or 3 or 4 streakers and they start knocking over your drinks as they are running by?
    Maybe Dave needs to do a Hicksville-style shakedown, eh Dave Superfly?
    It gets hard to read through all the drivel just to find a cogent movie post these days.
    I don’t even have an opportunity to have an argument with Jeffmcm on his misguided opinion on LA Confidential, he’s too busy. Where’s the justice?

  168. jeffmcm says:

    Ha ha, Lota, I always have time for a good argument like that, but I’m unprepared because I still haven’t revisited the movie in a while.

  169. Martin S says:

    Lota – “What happens when you get 2 or 3 or 4 streakers and they start knocking over your drinks as they are running by?”
    In the real world, the owner does something about it. If he doesn’t, he risks losing his business. I trust Dave on this stuff. He knows the difference between bored restless natives and agitated ones.

  170. Lota says:

    Jeff , I’d buy it for you except I have to donate $10 to UNICEF already for someone on this blog.
    But seriously, I cannot imagine, if you view it again that you could possibly say you preferred Dahlia to Confidential, as you had said before. The method of alcohol swilling alone puts it head and shoulders above Dahlia.
    Martin, David shouldn’t have to be schoolmarm but iI’ll buy him a few Colt 45s. Or some Mogen David extra fortified wine. Do they still sell Night Train?
    and I am almost half Indigenous but I won’t scalp anyone, yet, but I am getting restless.

  171. jeffmcm says:

    Lota, I prefer chocolate to vanilla, but I don’t dislike chocolate.

  172. jeffmcm says:

    I mean vanilla.

  173. leahnz says:

    lota, nobody had better knock over my drink, that’s where i draw the line!!!
    (sweet of you to say, jeff)

  174. RudyV says:

    It’s doubly problematic when you consider how the streakers are knocking over your drink as they’re running by. You wouldn’t even want to touch the glass after…but then, actually, most streakers do so to make up for a certain shortcoming, so perhaps that wouldn’t be an issue in the first place. My bad.

  175. brack says:

    LexG wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining if people didn’t complain about him so much. I’m sure DP is proud of the drama.

  176. The Big Perm says:

    I’d prefer Lex’s stand up comedy to The Black Dahlia. What the hell happened to Brian DePalma, and when can we get the non-horrible version of him back?

  177. LexG says:

    And, BP, not sure if you saw it, but I can assure you that there is a scene in Redacted that is far, far funnier than anything I’ve ever said, ever. It involves the lead douchebag stopping the movie dead for what feels like half a reel to give a monologue about his dipshit criminal brother and a gaming scandal.

  178. David Poland says:

    Okay, boys and girls… it’s ironic that this movie ended up with a completely out of control, idiotic, personal, malicious, infantile comment parade.
    Shutting down comments now. Enough is enough.

The Hot Blog

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It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?

So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.

I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.

So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.

But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”

My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher

“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.

~ David Simon