April 25, 2024
BYOB
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BYOB: 235 Years Of Relative independence
BYOB Weekend: Hop, An April Fool’s Gag?
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It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?
So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.
And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.
There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.
I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.
So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.
But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”
My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher
“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.
~ David Simon
Gotta admit – kind of looking forward to “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” now, even though I still think Quaid looks like he’s wearing Dabney Coleman’s Jack Flack costume from “Cloak & Dagger.”
Only Stephen fucking Sommers could fuck up General Abernathy’s uniform. It’s a classic fucking uniform, and they screw it up. The teaser at least looks fun, and the movie seems DESTRO DRIVEN! The more James Cullen… THE BETTER!
Why can’t they just call the stupid movie “G.I. Joe” without all the franchise subtitle crap.
Jeff: it’s the RISE OF COBRA! Did you see Cobra Comander in that trailer? I saw Destro. I saw the Baroness. I sure as hell did not Cobra Commander. So it’s the rise of COBRA! COBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Oh yeah; nice of Audi to utilize Jason Statham in their commercials. Good call.
I’m guessing that the subtitle is so the title includes the two main marketing bits – GI Joe and the equally recognizable Cobra. Having said that, I agree with jeffmcm – no one’s going to ask their box office attendant for ‘GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra; just like no one’s going to ask for one ticket for ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’.
What I never understand is why, when they are making such nostalgia properties, they don’t use the classic quotes/tag lines in the marketing. IE, for Transformers they used the bland ‘their world, our war’ and avoided the much simpler ‘this summer… there’s more than meets the eye’. And Daredevil used the idiotic tagline ‘this winter… take the dare’ instead of a more potent (and story-specific) ‘this winter… justice is blind’. What’s the chance that Paramount WON’T just release team posters of each team with the words ‘Yo Goe!’ and ‘Cobra!’ splashed on the top of the poster? Simple, right? Cuts right to the heart of what’s being offered.
Obviously Transformers did just fine (the teaser for the sequel is impressive in scale), and Daredevil was doomed to quick-kill status from the moment they cut the film to ribbons. GI Joe might do fine too, but it’s odd that studios are avoiding capitalizing on the very nostalgia that got these films made in the first place.
So, I’m sitting here watching the Superbowl and I honestly can’t understand a single thing that is happening. And we don’t even get the commercials! Ugh. I’m just hoping the Australian coverage includes the Springsteen halftime show and not our own insufferable team of sport commentaters.
I’m going to go see The Wrestler soon anyway, I give up.
The Wrestler is good stuff.
Scott: you make a good point, but it’s too obvious. Although; they could always title the second GI JOE movie “YO JOE!”, and people would go see it. So here’s to that happening in the future.
Unless I’m forgetting, it’s been awhile since a major summer entry completely debuted its advertising campaign during the Super Bowl, but now we have three major debuts (Land of the Lost, Transformers 2, and GI Joe). What was the last uber release to wait till the Super Bowl to unwind? Was The Hulk the last one in 2003… or did War of the Worlds completely launch in Super Bowl 2005? Oh, and wow does the guy that Dennis Quaid answers to look like a young James Rebhorn (alas, it’s not him, I checked).
Scott: Iron Man did it’s laypeople launch last year at this time, and it was Paramount. Paramount has decided to go all out with their Summer slate, and I do not blame them. They have three months of money coming this Summer. So good on them for getting the people excited.
I could have sworn that I had seen an Iron Man trailer before the Super Bowl, but maybe that was some Comic-Con/online only spot of some kind.
Scott: they introduced Iron Man to the geeks and folks like you at Comic-Con. While they introduced it to everyone else at the Superbowl.
I’m pretty sure Wanted debuted in the Super Bowl last year. Didn’t the first X-Men movie as well? I know that’s been a while. I was thinking that crappy Superman movie had a Super Bowl kick off but I can’t remember. I assumed there was always one each year but I’m having trouble remembering any of the summer films, much less their ads.
Is it a sign one is getting old if you remember CLIFFHANGER as being the definitive example of a potential summer blockbuster dropping an ad during the Super Bowl and staking its claim to a mightily impressed viewership?
X-Men debuted with a crappy trailer that no one liked around February. A much better one followed around late April. Superman Returns’ trailer debuted in front of Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire in Nov 05.
Never actually been to Comic Con, IOIOIO. I just remember watching a full-length teaser on my computer long before the Super Bowl (it was the one that was almost entirely Afghanistan based, with a token clip of Iron Man flying set to the ‘Iron Man’ song).
Scott, my guess is that the marketing people figure they need to justify their own existences, and just using the same old tag lines would be counteractive to their salaries.
lex: yes. same as when i heard ‘the rise of cobra’ i instantly wondered who will be playing the young sly stallone and will he be wearing those mirrored cop-style sunnies
COBRA OWNS “This is where the law stops… and I start…. SUCKA.”
“Go ahead, I DON’T SHOP HERE.”
“ANGEL OF THE CITY,” FUCK YEAH.
Fun fact: I watch Cobra six times a year, easily, and has seen it over 200 times.
M A S T E R P I E C E.
Jeff is a wastoid, but he nailed it. It’s another example of marketing people arrogance. Those bastards.
Arrogance? Fear and panic.
IMPORTANT POST TO FOLLOW, ALL READ:
Does anyone know when that MISCHA BARTON-TATU MOVIE finally comes out?
I’m gonna need a ShamWow by the time I’m done watching that shit.
(^^^ BEST JOKE OF ALL TIME^^^^^)
“IT’S MADE BY GERMANS! EVERYONE KNOWS THEY MAKE QUALITY STUFF!”
Best line of that damn commercial.
I think the two best summer tentpole teasers on the Super Bowl have to go to “Independence Day” and “Godzilla.”
GI Joe looked like “generic summer action movie #381.” Nice to know that Stephen Sommers still likes having people flip over exploding cars and shit. CG characters flying around every two minutes is exciting, like in Van Helsing. Remember the constant screaming and swinging and flipping? That was exciting. No wonder Taken did so well, this shit has gotten too boring and silly.
But speaking of silly, is it wrong that I will pay to see Land of the Lost?
Nope, you’re not that old. I remember Cliffhanger as the ‘holy crap’ superbowl ad of the year. Of course the classic template is still ID4, which blew up the White House on Super Bowl Sunday and instantly became the film to beat in summer 1996.
Godzilla, I’d disagree with.
But you are absolutley right about Independence Day.
Hey: Is The Boss’ “stage patter” ALWAYS that cheesy?
Nothing against Springsteen AT ALL, guy’s an icon and an institution… but did anyone else get kind of embarrassed and cringe at some of his banter and acrobatics?
It’s the kind of thing that seems cool and rock’n’roll at a live concert sitting in the nosebleeds, but thrusting a camera right up on a rock star just makes it all look so… silly.
When he started going on about “Put down the guacamole dip,” I was figuatively hiding behind the couch it was so uncomfortable and dorky. He seemed to be having fun, though.
Kinda reminds me of when Rage Against the Machine was really big. On stage or on record they seemed so electric. Then one time they were on SNL, and De La Rocha was right up in the lens doing all these contrived “intense” mannerisms and stupid faces… it was just laughable and difficult to watch.
Is this the current BYOB? Whatever, it’s dead around here tonight, so I’ll probably have passed out before this gets acknowledged:
But I have something important to say:
I AM DRUNK AND HORNY AS FUCK, which sucks.
ANYONE KNOW A HOT CHICK WITH ZERO STANDARDS who likes guys who look like Daniel Baldwin if he swallowed Burt Young and Artie Lange, and have absolutely NOTHING going for them appearance, charm or personality-wise?
If I don’t TAX SOME ASS in the next 48 hours I’m going to drive to that CATHOUSE shithole from the HBO show and hoping that Isabelle Soprano chick is on the clock.
HAS ANYONE EVER COME TO THE REALIZATION that you are SUCH a loser that you will ONLY ever get the stuff again by PAYING FOR IT?
There is no possible woman in her right mind who could find me appealing in AAAAAANY way, total fucking no-charm, ugly, pasty, fat fucking loser, NOTHING going for me, FUCKING REPULSIVE to look at it and a PIECE OF SHIT as a human being; I spend EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY DESPISING absolutely EVERYTHING about myself, but definitely starting with appearance.
I AM THE WORST HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET.
You know what’s awesome, is how people have “fantasies” where they have sex and shit with hot chicks? In MY fantasies, like I fantasize about banging the CHICKS, *but* the prerequisite is I’ve had lipo and a hair transplant and plastic surgery.
Like when I daydream or lie in bed thinking of fucking supermodels, I have to spend ten full minutes justifying why that would ever happen– If I had ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS, I could never get enough work done to be happy with my FAT, SHAMBLING, UGLY, REPULSIVE, SICKENING FUCKING APPEARANCE.
HOW DO YOU TIE A NOOSE?
ANYONE WANNA GO TO A STRIP CLUB TOMORROW?
Probably not, so I’ll drive my ’93 Ford down to Hollywood BY MYSELF and drink some flat soda out of potentially herpes-causing unwashed glasses and throw down a few twenties to get a lapdance that won’t even give me a BONER, because I hate myself THAT much and know it’s all a ruse, then come home hating myself 1000X as much, drink until I can’t see straight, and start slapping myself in the face like Bening in American Beauty?
WHO’S DOWN?
First “Hollywood Insider” who can arrange a successful “date” for me will get it back tenfold when I hit it big in this town.
Still waiting for the Hollywood remake of Bunuel’s UN CHIEN ANDALOU…
Lex is the Careerbuilder.com commercial of this blog.
Nuff said.
lex get over the self-loathing and talk about movies.
You have movie thoughts in your brain cells somewhere so revitalize them…or you might as well just do yourself in on Cisco.
http://www.bumwine.com/
Hey,
Does anyone think it’s a good idea– or would anyone watch– if I started filming my drunken rants and doing alcohol soaked, motormouth 4am movie reviews on camera and posting it to YouTube?
If I do so, is there even a chance someone might see it at Reelz or somewhere and line me up to be some kind of host or film channel interviewer or on-air personality?
I think I would be good at it.
Maybe I’ll start a video blog.
It is your destiny.
HEY ANYONE ELSE DRINKING TONIGHT?
WHO WANTS TO FUCKING PARTY?
I want to go to the goddamn CLUB and walk in and chicks be like FUCK YEAH IT’S LEXG FROM THE ICE COLD BLOG, and all come up STRAIGHT GRINDING ON ME AND SHIT, in perfect 2.35:1 BLUE-TINTED LENS FLARE FUCKING CLUBBAGE, me fending off the SQUACK and knowing when it’s all done I’mma take some anorexic model chick back to the FUCK PAD and flip her over to do the PACIFIC RIM AHOY, if you get my drift
FUCK YEAH PUSSY YEAH FUCKING A. I am BORED AS FUCK and I STRAIGHT FUCKING KNOW that my day tomorrow won’t entail me eating any snizz-ass or clam-shmacking, but rather me going to some FUCK JOB that’s mundane and boring as the Conan Wheel of Pain and trying to just get through the day HUNGOVER and hating the fucking world, listening to some fat chick tell me some stupid fucking jokes and clocking in with the utmost minimal effort, with a minor respite when I go to Quizno’s and eat it at the desk while watching OWNED videos and daydreaming about banging every fucking hot chick who’s ever been hot, doing 9 hours of work in a half hour flat and GETTING THE FUCK OUT, going to the grocery store or the liquor store and snapping up whatever fucking swill is on sale, coming home and watching American Idol while tying one on and eating some douche ass Salisbury steak frozen meal I can barely get down, depressed out of my fucking skull and pondering 189 ways to slit one’s wrist or tie noose because I don’t have a fucking friend in the world and go out of my way to burn EVERY FUCKING BRIDGE I ever manage to engender, so I get all fucking bored as fucking fuck and log onto a few message boards and blogs, because we all live in BITCHASS LA where you damn sure can’t get on the road if you’ve had so much as one half a fucking shot, so once you start drinking you’re stuck in the pad unless you wanna taxi the fuck up and tell the fucking cab driver, HEY DUDE TAKE ME TO A STRIP CLUB, wherein you’ll probably catch a shitload of germs and look like a total fucking douche rolling in solo fucking sucks not to have any guy friends to do fucking male bonding shit, and a bunch of schoolmarm ass female friends who are all overeducated and shit and you can only be one kind of guy around them, they’re not the kind of fucking hot skinny chicks you see on tv who want to tag along to strip clubs and enterain thoughts of fucking grinding clam with other chicks, no a bunch of fucking schoolmarm ass My Darling Clementime marms who don’t like to roll or fucking party,
FUCK THE FUCKING WORLD, I WANNA GO TO A GODDAMN FUCKING CLUB AND GET FUCKING GRINDED ON– AND SO THE FUCK DO *****YOU***** BUT YOU WON’T ADMIT IT, and will pretend to be all better than fucking everyone and above your baser instincts.
BUT LIFE IS ALL BASE INSTINCTS, fuck anything that isn’t banging chicks and OWNING and being GOD COME TO EARTH, be SUPERIOR AND FUCK CHICKS, AND IF YOU’RE NOT DOING THAT RIGHT NOW you goddamn fucking know the fuck you wish you were.
PUSSY UP MOTHERFUCK.
I AM LITERALLY FUCKING *CRYING* and PUNCHING MYSELF IN THE FUCKING FACE.
***I CANNOT GO ONE MORE FUCKING DAY*** NOT BEING FAMOUS OR FUCKING MODELS, I hate EVERY FUCKING SECOND OF HAVING A MUNDANE BITCH FUCKING LIFE.
THIS IS A FUCKING CRY FROM WITHIN.
SOMEONE GET ME A GODDAMN FUCKING HOLLYWOOD JOB OR A FUCKING SAG CARD.
YOU DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH IT FUCKING SUCKS when you’ve only wanted to do one goddamn thing YOUR WHOLE FUCKING LIFE– ie, BE WORSHIPPED AS A GOD, FUCK MODELS, and COMMAND PUSSY– and instead you have to sit in a FUCKING CUBICLE.
GET ME IN FUCKING SAG. NOW.
MAKE IT FUCKING HAPPEN.
GUESS WHAT, 2:39 can only mean it’s VODKA O’CLOCK. I’m just GETTING STARTED UP IN HERE, you LIGHTWEIGHTS.
DRINK UP.
Hey, is anyone gonna see that HE’S NOT INTO YOU MOVIE?
OF COURSE it’s looks FUCKING TERRIBLE, but I NEEEEVER miss a JOHANSSON, fourth hottest woman IN THE WORLD, I make a point of seeing her in everything and anything, so I guess I gotta be there.
Just fucking BULLSHIT that that CARROT-TOPPED REDHEAD DOOOOOOOOOUCHEBAG MIDGET from ENTOURAGE is in a real movie; Seriously, REDHEAD GUYS should be BANNED from putting on SOME FAKE ASS NEW YORK ACCENT. Like, hey, homes, you’re SHORT, you have RED HAIR, and you look like ALEX P. KEATON. Plus you suck the fucking air out of every scene of Entourage with your utter humorlessness.
WHY is KEVIN CONNOLLY playing a guy who TAXES ASS on ENTOURAGE when he is A FUCKING MIDGET and has RED FUCKING HAIR, the ULTIMATE SIGN OF A DOUCHEBAG?
WHAT KIND OF FUCKING MAN HAS RED HAIR??????
WHY IS E FROM ENTOURAGE IN A MOVIE?
WHY IS BITCH-ASS BRADLEY COOPER, SOME TV HACK, in ACTUAL MOVIES? WHO OK’D THIS?
WHO?
WHOEVER OKAY’D THIS must read the COLD BLOG. NO ONE IN AMERICA wants these guys in movies, so WHO PASSED JUDGMENT ON THIS and fucking ok’d it???
THAT DOESN’T EXCUSE YOU FROM LOOKING UP AND READING MY LAST FEW BRILLIANT POSTS.
SOMEONE GET ME THE HOOKUP WITH A PRO, you know my email and shit.
I AM SO FUCKED UP I CAN’T SEE STRAIGHT.
No one even got on here tonight.
I don’t really c AW FUCK IT I CAN’T EVEN TYPE ANYMORE WHO CARES.
SOMEONE GET ME A FUCKING SAG CARD AND SOME VAG, you will one day be paid back 10 FOLD.
DO YOU CUT A WRIST WITH THE GRAIN OR AGAINST IT?
I CVCAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TP GO TO A FUCKING *JOB* TOMOROOW, I HATE MYSELF MORE THAN YOU HATE FYUCJS I HACABIMD.,N
PUSSY MAKES THE FUCKING WORLD GO ROUND
TAX THAT VAG FUCKERS.
3:46 and NONE of you limp dicks are up DRANKING or getting crunk, buncha fucking lightweights and shit.
Anyone get some PUSSY?
I sure as FUCK didn’t.
And long as I’m this poor and ugly and shit, I’m looking at another 60 years of sexlessness.
HOW THE FUCK do you guys get laid? If you’re in LA and you’re not FAMOUS, no fucking WAY you’re putting your dick in a fucking hot A-list style VAG.
PUSSY DOESN’T COUNT UNLESS THE CHICK IS A FUCKING ACTRESS.
PUSSY UP ALL WEAK ASS FUCKS.
NOOSE TIME FUCK.
HA, 4:27 AM, still drinking, still owning, still contemplating suicide.
I COULD DRINK ALL OF YOU UNDER THE TABLE.
COMBINED.
And I gotta be up in 3 hours. Fuck it, just another night in Lexylvania; Time to down another 1/4 bottle cup of vodka.
LONG AS I’M NOT GETTING LAID AND SHIT.
hOW do you guys live knowing with each day that by the time that day ends, you won’t have taxed a vag?
I can guarantee I won’t fuck a vag tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year, or the next decade.
THAT IS AN EXISTENCE OF FUCK. LONELINESS SUCKS.
I AM A PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT.
HOLLYWOOD PLAYERS, hook me up with some slit and be rewarded tenfold in the future.
MAKE IT HAPPEN.
PUSSY HAS BECOME MAGICAL.
ummm… “When he started going on about “Put down the guacamole dip,” I was figuatively hiding behind the couch it was so uncomfortable and dorky. He seemed to be having fun, though.” it’s actually a various on lyric from a song called “Light of Day”. Or, at least, he says it in the live recording of that song that appears on disc.
But, seriously… huh? This thread’s replies by Lex are even more surreal than usual.
VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGAGE,
VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG.
MY LIFE SUCKS and I WATCH THAT DAVID KEITH BIT OF OFFICER AND A GENTLEMEN SIXTEEN FUCKING TIMES A DAY, EVERY DAY.
And all YOU have to do is arrange a “date” for me and I WILL SHUT THE FUCK UP and stop bothering me.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE O CLOCK.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE TIME.
Umm. Am I meant to be doing something right now since I’m the only person around here at the moment?
Nah, KC, I’m just blowing off steam.
BUT if you’ve got the hookup on any LA chicks aged 19-24, anorexic, tall, long hair, preferably Eastern European and kinda dumb….
Then make that shit happen for me.
Oh, well then shut up and go to bed then. You’ve got work in the morning. Be responsible for once?
Lex, it’s called Craigslist. It’s disturbingly easy to use.
Wait they have Russkie chicks willing to hook up with grossly overweight fat losers (ie, me) on Craigslist?
I thought that shit was for like finding roommates and buying toasters and shit.
I DON’T GET IT.
You don’t get a lot of things it would seem.
To quote Lex, rewritten by me:
“Did anyone see that manic LEXG RANT about hating your day, cross-cutting some unpleasant screaming about not getting laid and being famous?
That was the shrillest, most annoying, agitating, and endless thing I’ve ever seen: I literally could not WAIT for it to end, maybe the worst post I’ve ever seen, excepting maybe that JIGGLING PUDDING COMMERCIAL WHERE PEOPLE FLOAT, and the F R E E THAT SPELLS FREE jingle.”
Lex, if you make such good money, drop it on some escorts. Show them your cash and you’ll get the ass.
Otherwise, drop the booze and switch to weed.
Less CAPS, more filling.
LexG: Better still, you can get free porn at YouPorn.com.
Guess the whole “on the wagon” thing didn’t work out so well for Lex.
Lex, your life suck, because you suck. It’ll never change as long as all you do is whine and bitch and expect someone else to do the hard work for you.
This is the REST OF YOUR LIFE, if YOU don’t do something to change it.
A lot of us don’t get laid every night and don’t get all whiny-ass about it. You place way too much importance on it. Stop obsessing and you’ll see the wisdom of this.
Who else is watching IDOL?
Any early favorites?
ROSE FLACK is CHAAAAARMING. And the punk-rock chick with tats who switched her song to No Doubt at the last second is TOTAL OWNAGE. And the BIKINI GIRL.
Now that I think of it, they should just stop having the usual fat divas, gay men, and douchey white rockers on, and go with ALL CUTE WOMEN.
For the record, I barely remember posting ANY of the above nonsense from last night, so imagine my delight when in the middle of my usual horny angriness, I find a completely succinct and hilarious rant about that sawed-off E. from Entourage.
That dude used to roll in the infamous DiCaprio/Maguire posse, no? How? Why? On certain Entourage episodes, the guy is a literal BLACK HOLE of charisma, so cruel and cold as to drag the entire show down.
ROSE FLACK FTW.
I get laid every night but I don’t boast about it!
(Until now).
Okay, maybe every other night.
memo from kevin connolly to lex G:
seriously, man, you & me, we’re fucking done professionally
So theoretically, if I was a schizophrenic homeless man who hadn’t bathed in a year, and was constantly drunk and screaming at invisible pixies, and exposing my private parts in public…
and I took a trip over to David Poland’s house and walked in and sat down on the couch and tore the remote control out of his hand to change the channel to Spike…
I could expect to remain there, comfortably, for a decade or two?
This is a viable option to renting!