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David Poland

By David Poland poland@moviecitynews.com

I Must… I Must…

I know this will raise the hackles of some of the peanut gallery, but after a chat with someone who saw the film recently, the following melody just stuck in my head… with apologies to Frank Churchill and Ann Ronell…
Who’s afraid of the big blue cock
Big blue cock, big blue cock?
Who’s afraid of the big blue cock?
Tra la la la la

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88 Responses to “I Must… I Must…”

  1. jeffmcm says:

    So the obvious question is,
    “how big is it?”
    and the obvious answer is, big enough to drive all other thoughts away – apparently.

  2. PastePotPete says:

    Joe, this is referring to Dr Manhatten in Watchmen. It’s another of Poland’s childish jabs in the rib posts about the film he hasn’t seen but claims to have no bias against.

  3. David Poland says:

    Oh come on, Pete… there is a comic book movie with a giant blue guy’s penis shown throughout. You don’t think this will get talked about?
    And if either of the two ladies walked around with labia in view, you don’t think that’s ALL that would get talked about?
    Have a sense of humor, man. We’re going to be reading about people who take it very seriously for months… which is a shame.

  4. LexG says:

    Poland owns.
    I’m raising my drink to him right now. Seems like a genial, nice, goofy guy… No idea why people get worked up over him just being silly in a post like this.
    And on a classier note, that labia shit he just said sounds hot as hell.
    I am against the clock trying to read this 9-million page COMIC BOOK before March 5th.

  5. LYT says:

    “And if either of the two ladies walked around with labia in view, you don’t think that’s ALL that would get talked about?”
    Carla Gugino walked around naked in Sin City. I think people talked about other stuff that was in that movie.
    Though they sure seem to have forgotten that Mickey Rourke was in it, judging by the way everyone’s acting now like he’s been gone for years.

  6. LexG says:

    Carla Gugino owns, especially that Wayne WANG movie with Molly Parker.
    Shit fucking ruled.

  7. IOIOIOI says:

    It’s a big blue wang in a movie where Silk Spectre II is basically running around in panties. If people are going to get that hung up on a CGI doink. They got some problems. It’s just a doink.

  8. LexG says:

    MALIN AKERMAN COMMANDS YOU.
    Get down and BOW to her superior ass.
    I have a BLUE WANG just thinking about it.
    I HAVE A BONER.

  9. PastePotPete says:

    Poland, I’m sure it will get talked about. I’m also fairly sure most of the discourse will rise above the level of writing little mocking songs.
    And said discourse is not likely to be made by people who had already decided before seeing the film that they will not like it.
    I’m not expecting Watchmen to be a huge four quadrant hit but I really hope it is, if only to see another of your (no doubt inevitable at this point) asinine attempts at spinning the early numbers to be negative blow up in your face, as it did with Iron Man’s midnight screenings last year.
    I’m sorry if I’m harsh but when you’re good, you’re very good. However you periodically develop a petty nastiness towards certain movies that you refuse to ever own up to. It’s beneath you and I don’t like seeing it.

  10. scooterzz says:

    jeeze, dp…see the movie before you post shit like this (i hate thinking i’m smarter than you)…

  11. David Poland says:

    Pete… yawn. When the numbers are right, are my attempts “genius?” (rhetorical) No.
    Numbers are numbers. I certainly invest a lot of tine considering thise stuff, but if I took at as seriously as some of you do, I’d be in a mental home (or have a hypen in my site name).
    And funny… I have no problem with that, scoot. And what makes you think I haven’t seen the movie?

  12. David Poland says:

    P.S. “I’m also fairly sure most of the discourse will rise above the level of writing little mocking songs.”
    You don’t really think that, do you? Do you really think we should need to discuss it at all?

  13. scooterzz says:

    well, your post leads me to think you haven’t seen the movie…sorry if i’m wrong on that…
    why not just say you have (if you have)….

  14. MDOC says:

    Full frontal male nudity in a comic book movie is noteworthy. Let’s not pretend it isn’t.

  15. anghus says:

    the fact that people are still weirded out by a cock, even if it;s blue, is just a sad indicator of how stupid people in this country are capable of being.
    I was in Paris and i walked into a Virgin Megastore to get some earbuds and on the front display table was a book of penis photographs. My wife and I sat there looking through it and remarking how odd it is that America is so afraid of genitalia. Even when it has nothing to do with sex. I a flaccid penis that much of a story? If it is, then it sort of proves my ‘our media is worthless’ theory.
    and MDOC, it’s only noteworthy because so much time and effort has been spent ‘protecting’ people from images of genitalia. It’s like we’ve been living through decades of ‘cock prohibition’. By classifying the mere sight of full frontal nudity as ‘pornographic’, they have made the very image of it a talking point.
    That’s the story that fascinates me. Half the fucking world has a cock. Is the sight of it, even glowing blue, that much of a discussion point?
    What’s the discussion? “That character has a cock! And he’s not covering it!”
    The only story really is “We’re not used to seeing cock on camera, and it makes repressed people uncomfortable.”
    How many words really need to be devoted to that.
    In a movie that deals with so many themes, will the glowing blue cock become the real talking point? If it does, than it’s a very sad statement about our culture.

  16. bluelouboyle says:

    No, it won’t become the sole talking point. But people will snigger. Especially those who haven’t read the comic.
    And remember some people lose some of their inhibitions when jammed together in a cinema. It’s a 6-foot blue shlong, for christ’s sakes. Giggling at it doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate and discuss the rest of the movie. You telling me you didn’t find Austin powers funny?

  17. bluelouboyle says:

    No, it won’t become the sole talking point. But people will snigger. Especially those who haven’t read the comic.
    And remember some people lose some of their inhibitions when jammed together in a cinema. It’s a 6-foot blue shlong, for christ’s sakes. Giggling at it doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate and discuss the rest of the movie. You telling me you didn’t find Austin powers funny?

  18. winston smith says:

    “And what makes you think I haven’t seen the movie?”
    Your writing.

  19. Aris P says:

    Geeks won’t really care; they’ll be busy being disappointed by the film and it’s apparently shit acting and random musical cues. Most non-fans won’t care because they won’t be seeing the film. Those that do snicker about it, will, mainly because there won’t be much else to talk about. This is what I’m starting to sense, here, and I’m not too pleased about it.

  20. Ken dolls have no dicks, I used to giggle about it all the time as a little girl.

  21. Joe Leydon says:

    David, when you were a youngster, did you spend altogether too much time obsessing over this movie?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQ1e9QaWQrk

  22. Krazy Eyes says:

    After the rise of the Internet and ridiculously easy access to hardcore porn, are there really any boys or girls over the age of 10 who haven’t already been exposed to big, hard cocks.
    Parents are in denial if they think their little angels don’t know this stuff is out there and sadly the kids are more tech savvy then their parents when it comes to blocking this stuff.

  23. The Big Perm says:

    Apparently they cut out a bunch of female nudity from the Friday the 13th remake because ti made the younger audience uncomfortable. What will that same audience think about MALE nudity?

  24. The Big Perm says:

    Apparently they cut out a bunch of female nudity from the Friday the 13th remake because ti made the younger audience uncomfortable. What will that same audience think about MALE nudity?

  25. The thing about Dr. Manhattan’s wang if I remember correctly from the comic is- he can appear anyway he feels like. I don’t remember him swinging a dong spawn from John Holmes and Smurfette in the comic.
    And B Perm-there was tons of boobage in the F13 remake. The ditzy blonde chick OWNED in her topless scene! Are you talking about them cutting full frontal? If so, Imma pull me a Jeff Wells and get some outtakes sent over!!!

  26. The Big Perm says:

    There was a lot of nudity in F13…but I read an interview with one of the producers and there was originally a lot more, but they cut it because the audience was uncomfortable. I don’t think it was full frontal though. But it sounds like they’re going to reinstate it on the DVD.

  27. christian says:

    Most uncomfortable full on nude performance? RAGTIME.

  28. LYT says:

    Some of the commenters under my E! review of Friday the 13th were actually complaining that there were too many breasts and not enough gore.
    I fail to understand their complaint. It’s like when people tell me the naked lesbian make-out scene in Wicked Lake goes on too long.

  29. christian says:

    Well, when the kidz today can immediately access hours of hitherto unseen perversion on the web, are a couple of breasts really going to excite an audience? Besides Lex.

  30. Joe Leydon says:

    Everything in Wicked Lake went on too long.

  31. SaveFarris says:

    Way to play coy, Dave. If you hadn’t seen it, you could have just wrote “I haven’t seen it” instead of playing the question game.
    Just be honest.

  32. jeffmcm says:

    “after a chat with someone who saw the film recently”
    This made me think he hadn’t seen it.

  33. scooterzz says:

    i’ve always felt that a movie should be blue and a penis should be long…..watchmen reverses that completely….

  34. David Poland says:

    Very funny, Scoot.
    And if this movie does double the business that friday the 13th does, whatever the comfort zone, you will hear the sound of wrists and throats being slit in burbank.
    The real issue here is not the penis itself, but the willingness of parents of under-15 kids to send or take their kids to this film. 300’s success had a lot to do with feeling like a soft R. Cartoon violence and a pair of boobs. I suspect that the rougher violence in this film will be the bigger issue, but The Blue Penis will be a HUGE topic on talk radio for a week or longer. Maybe that’s good for the film on some level, but it may also be the tipping point for parents.

  35. frankbooth says:

    I’ve seen the short version of Wicked Lake on Daily Motion. Looks like an excellent film to me, at least in its five-minute form.
    Is that you performing a scene opposite a naked woman and peeing your pants, Luke? (I almost called you Lou. You know who to blame.) Splendid job of not looking like you had a boner.
    You are what Lex aspires to be, and I mean that in all sincerity.

  36. LexG says:

    I’m more impressed by LOU Y. CADDYSHACK’S earlier work:
    http://www.carlspackler.com/archive/cs_371.jpg

  37. I doubt kids will be complaining about a big blue wee-wee after 2 hours and 45 minutes of greuling, non super heroey superheroes. They’ll be sound asleep.
    Plus, it IS rated R….

  38. leahnz says:

    ‘The real issue here is not the penis itself, but the willingness of parents of under-15 kids to send or take their kids to this film. 300’s success had a lot to do with feeling like a soft R. Cartoon violence and a pair of boobs. I suspect that the rougher violence in this film will be the bigger issue, but The Blue Penis will be a HUGE topic on talk radio for a week or longer. Maybe that’s good for the film on some level, but it may also be the tipping point for parents.’
    more utterly ridiculous hypocrisy and double-standards re: female vs. male nudity/genitalia foisted on our kids to fuck them up even further in regards to attitudes toward nudity and sexuality (and please, visibly drooping labia is not the same as the entirely visible external cock-n-balls, no comparison there). slaughter with boobs/boobs&bush on full display is somehow acceptable for under-15 kids, but the tipping point is a willy? how sad.
    good for you, snyder, dick it up real good. one more little chip away at the granite of overt sexism on film and the pathetic fear of the penis (largely driven by male insecurity), particularly over the last few decades when penises have all but vanished from american cinema.

  39. frankbooth says:

    Insert obligatory Karvey Keitel/Ewan McGregor crack. (Well, maybe not crack…)

  40. Crow T Robot says:

    The primary theme of Watchmen is impotency. If I recall, nobody in the story can get it up. It’s all about sexual frustration.
    You can then argue that a limp blue dick is the point of the whole piece.
    Think, McFly, think.

  41. David Poland says:

    Seriously, Leah… where have you seen slaughter and bush in a movie that kids were going to in numbers? (Of course, slaughter and Bush had an eight year run… but I digress.)
    If Watchmen was am $80 million movie, none of this would mean much. But the film aims for a much bigger audience than Friday The 13th or anything else of the hard-R genre. Even with a PG-13, Batman was really a soft-R. But we don’t see much hard-R these days outside of horror and the arthouse. It just isn’t a financially viable choice.
    This movie may well that history wrong. It may not.
    But I am always amazed when smart guys like Don take the “this is how the movie will play” position. Studios do not care how movies play. It;s found money when they play well. They care about opening and spinning out the expected multiple from that. They don’t care if every kid sleeps and every parent is pissed… so long as they show up on opening weekend expecting a Batman level of comic book sex and violence.
    That doesn’t make aspiring to more (30 minutes more, apparently, in Snyder’s “director’s cut”), but when you spend more than $100 million on a movie, the goals on release are different. And a lifetime of pride for having made a really good film is an issue for another day.
    I lways encourage filmmakers who have no chance of big financial success to embrace the pleasure of having done the work.

  42. winston smith says:

    “And if this movie does double the business that friday the 13th does, whatever the comfort zone, you will hear the sound of wrists and throats being slit in burbank.”
    if this movie has an $80 million dollar opening you say warner brothers would be disappointed? 300 felt like a soft R?? now you’re just making shit up.

  43. IOIOIOI says:

    Ssshhh winston. DO NOT REVEAL THAT THE EMPEROR IS NAKED!

  44. Cadavra says:

    “Slaughter and Bush!” What a great title for a Fox cop show!

  45. The Big Perm says:

    It seems somewhat rare to see full frontal nudity in ANY movies these days, make or female. I’d have to side with DP over leahnz on that one.

  46. scooterzz says:

    i’m not sure what would be ‘spoilage’ here so:
    SPOILER – SPOILER – SPOILER
    there’s a lot more here than just the exposed cgi penis…there’s a considerable amount of gore and a brutal rape that’s really difficult to watch (it’s just a couple of panels in the book but really given detail in the film)…snyder seems to be wearing his (hard) r proudly and even said that he wouldn’t allow his eleven year old son to see it (and the kid is in the movie)….i can’t imagine the parent of any kid under fifteen giving the ok on this…
    i don’t think the ‘primary theme’ of the film is impotency but it is amusing that even the hero can only get it up while in costume.

  47. David Poland says:

    Actually, Winston, you are putting words in my mouth. I wrote, “if this movie does double the business that friday the 13th does.” I didn’t say “open to double what Friday the 13th did.”

  48. David Poland says:

    And shhh… don’t tell anyone that IO doesn’t have any interest in the facts or what my actual statements are…

  49. David Poland says:

    And yes, 300 felt like a soft R to most people, except for the violence, which prompted a lot of parents to see it as “about as bad as a video game,” which meant they let the kids (over 10) go.
    If you can’t see the difference, then you just can’t see.

  50. leahnz says:

    ‘Seriously, Leah… where have you seen slaughter and bush in a movie that kids were going to in numbers?’
    did kids go to see 300 ‘in numbers’, dp? ‘300’ is an R-rated movie that you sited as an example of a film with female nudity and violence (can’t remember if there was bush) that kids were supposedly allowed to see, while you contend ‘watchmen’ – another R-rater – will be a whole ‘nother ball of wax and kids not be allowed to see it because of ‘the blue member’. i seized upon the example of female nudity and violence together because as a parent this is the double-whammy, but the issue of full-frontal female nudity being considered more acceptable for young people to view than taboo full-frontal male nudity is just as valid. violence is a separate issue, really.
    but as for some examples of other movies with bush and violence that those sneaky little under-15’s no doubt duped their gullible parents into allowing them to see, or they just flat-out snuck into: ‘my bloody valentine’, ‘species’, ‘resident evil:the last one’, ‘halloween’ remake, ‘snakes on a plane’… there must be heaps i can’t think of.
    and then there are plenty of flicks with full-frontal female nudity likely seen by those same sneaky little shits such as ‘road trip’, ‘eyes wide shut’, ‘showgirls’… i don’t know, i’m drawing a blank after straining my brain for the violent ones, but it’s likely my memory is at fault rather than a lack of further examples.
    (and perm disagrees with me, what a shocker)

  51. LexG says:

    “i can’t imagine the parent of any kid under fifteen giving the ok on this…”
    Eh, I don’t know. Go see this thing in Burbank, the East Valley, or the San Gabriel Valley, you’ll see whole families lapping it up, the parents not even blinking an eye. Just last week there was a large Latino family in FRIDAY THE 13TH, kids of all ages, no one blinking an eye whatsoever at any of the sex or violence. And this looks even more kiddie/family friendly. Maybe in Nebraska unaware parents walk out fuming when they realize they’re not in for a kids’ picture, but all the time I see families in extreme movies and no one bats an eye.
    Bug, Hostel, Saw, My Bloody Valentine– you name it, kids with their parents or at least the dad.
    Most parents, at least in L.A., don’t give a shit whatsoever.

  52. LexG says:

    Yay to me for using “blinks/bats an eye” THREE TIMES in one paragraph.
    As an aside, and speaking of bush, an all-time PARENT OF THE YEAR CLASSIC MOVIEGOING EXPERIENCE:
    Some twenty-something dad brought his two small children to see WAITING; There’s a female character who likes to flash her bush to people. Finally here’s a close-up of her decidedly hairy bush, and the dad in the theater (seated two rows up) just starts whooping and cackling, rocking in his seat and POINTING AT THE SCREEN.

  53. jeffmcm says:

    “Studios do not care how movies play. It;s found money when they play well. They care about opening and spinning out the expected multiple from that.”
    To go on a minor Chucky-esque rant, the above is why front-loading is killing movies.

  54. Not David Bordwell says:

    54 posts in, and all I really want to talk about is Carla Gugino.
    Why isn’t she a bigger star? How much more does she have to do? Stellar support in everything she does; she’s proved her chops in nearly every genre (period pieces, noir, character-driven drama, frothy romcoms, dopy actioners, sci fi, potboiler melodrama, etc.); she’s worked with hot directors, hip directors, up-and-comers, old masters; she proved she can carry a series (Karen Sisco) and steal others in supporting roles (Spin City, Entourage); she can work blue (Judas Kiss, Sin City) or play it family-friendly (Spy Kids, Witch Mountain).
    She works ALL THE TIME, and now she’s beating the boards in New York and Chicago, reviving interest in the neglected works of the GIANTS OF 20TH CENTURY AMERICAN DRAMA (O’Neill, Miller, Williams).
    She looks LIKE THAT and has ALL THAT TALENT.
    Why isn’t she bigger? Why isn’t she getting better roles, or the chance to open something big?
    Seriously, what is her story? Does anyone on this blog know?

  55. leahnz says:

    ‘she proved she can carry a series (Karen Sisco)’
    i don’t know nothing about why gugino isn’t bigger but i just wanted to chime in to say i love that show, a certain tv channel here re-runs it constantly in a late-night slot and whenever i start watching i can’t stop, gugino is sublime as sisco (great chemistry with her ‘dad’ robert forster, too)

  56. Not David Bordwell says:

    Her character had not been seen before and has not been seen since on television, leahnz.
    One of the most amazing Karen Sisco episodes is the one where she raids a house and gets shot. She’s wearing body armor, but it’s still a traumatic experience, and instead of falling apart or being forced to go on leave or getting laid up in a hospital like every other female cop on television, she goes home, opens a bottle of bourbon, and drinks until she can’t feel the weltering bruise. We’re used to seeing cops do this kind of thing all the time on TV…but only if they’re men. If a female cop drinks the pain away, she had to be a drunk (Sharon Gless in Cagney and Lacey). This may sound odd, but I remember thinking that was the kind of scene Don Johnson always brought real pathos to on Miami Vice. So it took, like 20 years before we got to see Carla Gugino play a cop like Don Johnson played a cop.
    Yeah, I have a crush.

  57. winston smith says:

    “300 felt like a soft R to most people, except for the violence, which prompted a lot of parents to see it as “about as bad as a video game,” which meant they let the kids (over 10) go. If you can’t see the difference, then you just can’t see.”
    i saw—
    -a severed head spinning around on screen
    -a severed arm, severed legs, etc.
    -a spartan soldier decapitated in front of his father
    -bloood, blood, blood
    that was a hard r. stop spinning..

  58. The Big Perm says:

    300 was fairly hard, BUT because it was so over the top and cartoony looking, the effect was diminished. The Dark Knight felt more brutal than anything in 300.
    leahnz, if you have to bring up 15 year old movies to make your point…then maybe you’re helping to make mine.
    But regardless of male nudity, I think any violence gets a pass over any sort of nudity, male or female. How often do you see parents letting their kids watch any sort of mayhem and gore, but the second a breast comes on screen, they cover it up. Or remember that senator who complained about Schindler’s List being shown on tv uncut…purely because of the nusity in the scene where the prisoners were being examined? It’s pretty insane.

  59. leahnz says:

    ‘One of the most amazing Karen Sisco episodes is the one where she raids a house and gets shot. She’s wearing body armor, but it’s still a traumatic experience, and instead of falling apart or being forced to go on leave or getting laid up in a hospital like every other female cop on television, she goes home, opens a bottle of bourbon, and drinks until she can’t feel the weltering bruise. We’re used to seeing cops do this kind of thing all the time on TV…but only if they’re men. If a female cop drinks the pain away, she had to be a drunk (Sharon Gless in Cagney and Lacey). This may sound odd, but I remember thinking that was the kind of scene Don Johnson always brought real pathos to on Miami Vice. So it took, like 20 years before we got to see Carla Gugino play a cop like Don Johnson played a cop’
    you nailed it, ndb, i know exactly the episode you’re talking about, i’ve seen it twice now – i love the way she rubs the spot where the bullet left a mark, like ‘fuck, that hurts, oh well’, more annoyed about that fact she got shot in the first place. carla kicks all manner of ass in that show, shattering gender conventions along the way with style, grit, determination and loads of sex appeal. (hell, even i have a crush on carla as karen sisco and i fancy men in a big way)

  60. IOIOIOI says:

    Jeff: do you think it’s front-loading as much as it’s a culture that wants everything new and cool immediately? I would wager the studios front-loading everything does not help the situation, but we live in a fast paced culture. So the slow rollout seems to be out these days, and it finally hit most Oscar films this year.
    That aside; I will never understand the part of the American psyche, that gets more worked up over sex than violence. There has to be some answer as to why we are one of the rare countries, that can handle the gore. Yet a tit completely fucking flusters many of us.

  61. leahnz says:

    ‘leahnz, if you have to bring up 15 year old movies to make your point…then maybe you’re helping to make mine.’
    citing one older movie (species) doesn’t make your point for you, perm, sorry to say; at least i came up with some examples

  62. Whoa…whoa…*I* don’t care how “Watchmen” plays. As much as I do like the source material I cannot for the life of me figure out why you’d want to pretty much bring it STRAIGHT to the screen ala “300.” I was just getting at the fact that, I don’t think this is a kids movie so the blue penis shouldn’t factor in much.
    It’s not really being marketed at kids, it’s rated “R” and is nearly 3 hours long. And, has a big blue cock. Leave the kids at home!

  63. chris says:

    Sorry, but I’m way more interested in the “Karen Sisco” discussion. When is that phenomenal series going to hit DVD? Ever?

  64. Not David Bordwell says:

    leahnz, if you feel that way about Karen Sisco you really ought to see Judas Kiss.
    I wish I knew the story about why that movie got dumped to VHS and hasn’t had a real Region 1 DVD release. EVERYONE’s in it: Gil Bellows, Simon Baker, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Philip Baker Hall, Til Schweiger (soon to be seen in Inglourious Basterds, can’t wait), even Hal Holbrook and Roscoe Lee Brown. A gritty noir that steals gleefully from the masters (notably Prizzi’s Honor and High and Low).
    Anyway, she’s AMAZING in it, for all the reasons you like her in Karen Sisco.
    Late here, signing off, but always a pleasure, leah…

  65. doug r says:

    It’s not the enormous penis that really bothers me-if it’s to scale to a 60 foot tall guy, he’s not really going to be able to use it on any women.
    What worries me is the blue balls….

  66. Not David Bordwell says:

    all right, one more…
    I think too many producers, including Danny DeVito and more than dozen others, and maybe even Elmore Leonard and Scott Frank, stuck their fingers into too many pies and killed their golden goose (this late, the metaphors get good and mixed). Karen Sisco is a show that look seriously meddled with by producers who couldn’t agree on what tone the show should take (one week it would be gritty, the next farcical, and so on) or even what order the episodes should air in (the kiss of death for innovative shows like Brisco County, Jr. — and they’re doing again to Life on Mars).
    Too many creative minds and too many producers who can’t agree on anything does not augur well for any series, and if they are feuding, it can hold up securing the rights to a DVD release.
    Anyway, that’s my take on Karen Sisco being held up, but I am beginning to suspect that someone in Hollywood has a vested interest in not advancing Carla Gugino’s career.

  67. leahnz says:

    ndb, ‘judas kiss’ is one of those flicks i’ve always wanted to see, i’ve heard good things about it over the years and now from you, too, but it’s not available here, not even from dvd retailers for some bizarre reason, so i’ll have to try hunting it down further afield

  68. leahnz says:

    ‘citing one older movie (species) * doesn’t make your point for you, perm, sorry to say; at least i came up with some examples’
    * duh, i should have specified ‘in my ‘bush&violence’ list’, which is what i meant; my second list was, as i admitted at the time, befuddled

  69. IOIOIOI says:

    “Critic Don Lewis raves; ‘It’s not really being marketed at kids, it’s rated “R” and is nearly 3 hours long. And, has a big blue cock. Leave the kids at home!'”
    If I can get that on a poster or a Friday/Weekend newspaper ad. I would be a rather happy brother.

  70. CaptainZahn says:

    I saw Carla in Desire Under the Elms in Chicago the other night. She was absolutely fantastic. Her Abbie is a woman of fierce determination, but also deeply sad and hungry for love.
    It was announced yesterday that the show is going to Broadway. Despite the competitiveness of the season, I think she has an excellent shot at that Tony award.

  71. The Big Perm says:

    I don’t remember any full frontal nudity in Species anyway. A crapload of breasts, but was there full nudity?
    If a blue woman was walking around totally nude for all of Watchmen, parents would still have problems. But they’d be fine with any of the violence, I’d bet.

  72. IO-
    My blurb already reads “Biggest Blue Dick I’ve seen since Paul Giamatti in”Big Fat Liar!! 4 Stars!!”

  73. IOIOIOI says:

    Good stuff Don.
    David Poland: you need to work on the perception you give to the people. Seriously; you can attack me all day, but I am never the only one seeing you this way. So stop hating me, and hate your game. You need a crossover. If you get a crossover. You may not be so obvious :D!

  74. Cadavra says:

    Gugino’s problem is that she’s a virtual ringer for the similarly-named Cara Buono, as well as Paula Marshall. And as good as Gugino is, Marshall dusts her, especially at comedy.

  75. IOIOIOI says:

    Carla G is also… unfortunately in Hollywood terms… too old. Fortunately for her; she’s still smoking. So she might pull a Russo in the next decade. Here’s hoping she does.

  76. CaptainZahn says:

    Cadavra, if you’d seen Gugino in any of her stage performances, I doubt you’d say that Marshall dusts her as an actress. She just hasn’t had a lot of great roles in film.

  77. Cadavra says:

    And Marshall, who works primarily in TV, has had even less success in films than Gugino. Both should be higher up The List then they are, but show biz, like life, often isn’t fair.

  78. Not David Bordwell says:

    Here’s my last attempt to gain traction on this question, and then I’ll drop it for lack of interest:
    The “too old” argument holds no water whatsoever. I’d wager the top five highest-paid actresses in Hollywood are close to her age or older.
    Carla was red-hot in 1998, after a series of journeyman roles and breakouts in Judas Kiss and Snake Eyes, and a scene-stealing role on Spin City. But nobody saw Judas Kiss — I don’t think it ever had a theatrical run, and it was dumped on video. And rumor has it that she was forced out of Spin City by Michael J. Fox’s WIFE (sorry, can’t remember her name right now).
    Carla was white-hot in 2005, after the hugely successful Spy Kids franchise was followed by her critically acclaimed performance as Karen Sisco, and her daring exposure in Sin City. Her scene with Mickey Rourke in the bathroom of her apartment is one of the best in the film, and it ought to be remembered as we celebrate Mickey Redemption Night that Sin City was a major step on that journey, and that his scenes with Carla were where Marv got to display Wrestler-like vulnerability. Too bad Lucille later had her hand eaten and was shot to death.
    Finally, CaptainZahn is right: Carla and Pablo Schreiber burned up the stage in Desire under the Elms. I hope he’s also right about the Tony — she already came pretty close in After the Fall.
    I had a genuine inquiry about whether anyone on this blog knows anything about why her career in particular hasn’t taken off, even after lightning has struck twice.
    But I guess nobody knows nuthin.’

  79. Cadavra says:

    Sadly, the industry was/is/will be full of amazingly-talented people who failed to catch the big break. Nobody knows why and never will. Call it fate.

  80. IHeartThatCurtis! says:

    Whenever there are too many cooks in a kitchen. Fate is not involved. Carla just did not get the breaks, but she hardly looks her age. So it’s quite possible she could have another renaissance this year or next. So I am not ready to call her Barbara Hershey… not just yet.

  81. Not David Bordwell says:

    For the record, and no disrespect intended:
    Mrs. J. Fox is Tracy J. Pollan.

  82. CaptainZahn says:

    Carla has decided that she wants to be a real actress, not just window dressing, and it will benefit her in the long run. She’ll always work, whether it be on film, in television, or on the stage.

  83. Not David Bordwell says:

    Amen to that, Cap. I felt privileged to catch her at the Goodman, especially since she bowed out to do Watchmen hype. And I looking forward to seeing her in whatever else she decides to do.
    Well, maybe not Witch Mountain.

  84. Not David Bordwell says:

    Amen to that, Cap. I felt privileged to catch her at the Goodman, especially since she bowed out to do Watchmen hype. And I am looking forward to seeing her in whatever else she decides to do.
    Well, maybe not Witch Mountain.

  85. Not David Bordwell says:

    Aww,, my first double post!
    So that’s how it happens. Apologies.

  86. LexG says:

    Whoa, actually this new approach they’re trying in the WATCHMEN SPOTS looks INCREDIBLE, and actually might help this thing bust out of the GEEK 8 NICHE:
    Really creative approach; MALIN OWNS:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_pLeewYTys

  87. LexG says:

    WOULDN’T IT BE EASIER TO JUST HELP ME GET A GODDAMN AGENT THAN TO PUT UP WITH READING THIS BULLSHIT EVERY NIGHT?
    MAKE. IT. FUCKING. HAPPEN.
    YES, YOU.
    AN ORDER.

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It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?

So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.

I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.

So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.

But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”

My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher

“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.

~ David Simon