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Kim Voynar

By Kim Voynar

I’ll See Your Wil Wheaton Collating Paper. And I’ll Raise You …

Henceforth, I am going to respond to all unsolicited PR emails about random celebrity crap I don’t care about with a link over to my fave internet writer, The Bloggess, who has the Best Response Ever to unsolicited PR emails: this lovely picture of Wil Wheaton collating paper.

and this brilliantly bitchy letter to accompany it.

Now I know what you’re thinking. The Bloggess is so mean! PR people are just doing their job! And besides, who doesn’t love Wil Wheaton? And paper? And especially Wil Wheaton collating paper? Exactly.

Now, my friends who work in PR, you know I love you. And I know that most of you would never send me stupid emails asking me to run a contest giving away this or that because I don’t run contests on my blog and you know this. And most of you wouldn’t send me an email asking me to interview a would-be celebrity, or even a real live celebrity, because you know I very rarely interview anyone these days unless I find them terribly fascinating. Nor would you harass me to review a TV show or a book unrelated to anything I’m likely to care about. But the rest of you lot? I’m getting tired of having to mass delete so many PR emails out of my inbox every morning. You’re cutting into my Pinterest and Twitter time.

Important note: This does not apply to indie filmmakers who want to hit me up to watch their film, whether narrative or doc, short or feature. You folks, continue to hit me up about your project, and I will make every effort to watch it, and if I like it I will most likely write it up.

Anyone else, though, let this be a warning to you. Any more unsolicited, stupid PR emails, and I will not only see The Bloggess’s Wil Wheaton collating paper, I will raise her one Patrick Stewart about to be beheaded by Queen Elizabeth II.

So there.

Update: By the way, this is what happens when the VP of a PR company responds to a post about their crappy research and form letter press release by accidentally hitting “reply all” to a forwarded company email, calling said blogger — who has over 160,000 followers on Twitter — a “fucking bitch.” Hint: It probably wasn’t pretty for Jose.

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2 Responses to “I’ll See Your Wil Wheaton Collating Paper. And I’ll Raise You …”

  1. Love. It’s a good thing the rug is already red. The Queen probably planned it that way.

  2. Kim Voynar says:

    She’s clearly prepared for the job, too. Notice that she’s wearing her blood-spatter-proof floral bathrobe for the occasion. I need me one of those.

Quote Unquotesee all »

It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?

So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.

I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.

So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.

But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”

My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher

“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.

~ David Simon