5 Things I HATED In Star Wars: The Force Awakens (SPOILERS)
This is an all-spoiler piece, so I am putting the content after a click-thru, so no one will see it by mistake. If you clicked through from elsewhere, it’s on you.
SPOILERS
SPOILERS
SPOILERS
In no particular order…
1. The Giant Supreme Leader Snoke. I don’t care if he turns out to the Wizard of Oz or a normal-sized man or whatever. I truly detested the giant frickin’ hologram. Why? Why do we need a non-make-up, motion capture of this character? Why, in a world in which Yoda kicks ass like nobody’s business, is the new uber-villain a size obsessive? Serkis did fine with the characterization and voice (great Bill Nighy variation), etc. Nothing against him. Wasn’t a repeat of an earlier motion-capture Andy. But why a giant? It’s like leftover crap from some superhero movie.
2. I hate the fake-out deaths. Poe Dameron is thrown from the TIE fighter? Fine. Show us a body that we assume to be dead. But don’t suck what we think is him and his aircraft into the ground and blow it up and then have him just show up like nothing happened. Fuck off. Not right.
And there is the giant fakeout to come, which will be Kylo Ren. Yes, Snoke tells General Hux to get Ren and bring him to him. But the entire frickin’ planet explodes and we see the Falcon and the Rebellion planes and nothing else come off that planet, barely ahead of the explosion, when we left Ren injured by himself in the snow just before the Falcon picks up Rey and Finn.
I can live with Finn getting his back sliced up by a lightsaber and not dying… though that is kinda bullshit too. But don’t pretend people are dead just to “surprise” us later because we will never trust you again.
And to my friend who pointed out that Luke was lied to about his father by Obi-Wan… yes. But for a purpose. And in the storytelling, the idea that Anakin died and Darth Vader was born is how things are laid out.
By the way, when we find out who Rey is related to in the next movie, it better not be her coming out of Leia’s vagina and she never told Han. Not buying it. If she is Luke’s, with whom? And why didn’t Leia, who seems to know who Rey really is, tell Han?
There are way too many pregnant (pun intended) pauses in this movie, There were surprises in the original trilogy and some specific cliffhangers, but not vague “why don’t we know who Rey inherited the force from?” lingerers like this movie has in a few spots.
3. Anyone can use a light saber. Huh? So if you can find a light saber, you can fight with it like second nature right from the start? And what’s with the damned stormtrooper version of a lightsaber? What’s that all about? There are no Jedis left, but the stormtroopers are equipped with a lightsaber alternative?
4. HATED Kylo Ren freaking out like a teenage asswipe when he doesn’t get his way, tearing things up with his light saber. It gets a laugh… but is it funny? Doesn’t this downgrade the tension, like a LOT? Abrams reduces it to a punchline. All that was missing was the retreating stormtroopers giving two snaps and a swipe when they head the other way. I take the lightsaber very seriously. This makes mock. Not good, really because it plays funny and there is no deeper layer to it.
5. Why does Kylo Ren have the mask? Is he a Darth Vader fanboy? I hate the idea of that. But it’s only half as bad as him having the mask to throw the audience off the scent regarding Luke. Cheap stunt. Darth Vader needed his mask. Stormtroopers, though humanized in this film, are meant to be a faceless army. No one else who doesn’t live in the sand is wearing a mask and a breathing apparatus that he/she doesn’t need. Does he need it to intimidate? Sod off! The power of The Force isn’t enough?
There is also the grandpa fixation theory… but oy. Daddy neglected him, so he loved Uncle Luke, but then found out Unca killed gramps, so… I so hope the writers of the next films are so so so much smarter than me.
There are other things I found irritating. I could make a list of which was worse… silent Luke, the spin-shot from above closing the movie instead of the close-up of Luke, or making a whole movie about finding Luke and then making us wait for another movie to get the story.
The lack of Leia in this movie sucks also. She is really there to be nostalgic and to react to things everyone else is doing.
And the co-lead of a young black man who is then the butt of the joke way too often. Not so great.
Anticipating much of the second film – maybe the third? – being flashback to when Ben Solo destroyed Uncle Luke’s Jedi Camp will not make me happy if that is what is coming. I want to know what happened. I don’t want to find out it was structured this way so they could kill Han and then bring him back over and over in flashbacks.
But those are not hate issues for me. (At least not the ones that actually happened.) The 5 I laid out irritated me the first time… irritated me the second time… will likely always irritate me.
I don’t hate the movie. I had a good time like everyone else, even though it has some major problems. Both times.
A few canonical answers:
“Anyone can use a light saber. Huh?” Yes. Han used it to cut the tautaun open in Empire, and General Grievous used four at a time, despite not being Force-sensitive. Granted, he was trained by Dooku. But Finn is as trained as any Stormtrooper, so he is presumably the equal of one in hand-to-hand combat with staff-like weapons. Versus Ren, remember that Ren was bleeding heavily from a bowcaster wound during that fight.
” And what’s with the damned stormtrooper version of a lightsaber? What’s that all about? There are no Jedis left, but the stormtroopers are equipped with a lightsaber alternative?”
Grievous’ Magnaguards in ROTS also had similar weapons. Not unprecedented – the First Order seems to be rectifying mistakes the Empire made in training their fighting men.
Plus Ralph McQuarrie originally drew Stormtroopers with lightsabers, and they like to use everything he does eventually.
“Why does Kylo Ren have the mask? Is he a Darth Vader fanboy?”
Yes. He’s pretty clear on that. And he looks like a dork without it.
“But it’s only half as bad as him having the mask to throw the audience off the scent regarding Luke.”
This Luke-as-Ren thing is just silly. From day one they said Adam Driver was playing the new Darth Vader-like character. They said it when he was cast, and they showed him unmasked in Vanity Fair; he’s even been doing talk-show rounds specifically clarifying that it’s him. The notion that he could be Luke was never in play to anybody paying attention.
I can’t make you like things you don’t – but there is at least some context for some of them.
I honestly don’t understand where you’re coming from. For instance, it’s pretty clearly laid out that Ren wears the mask because he’s obsessed with being Vader. That he ISNT Vader is a source of his insecurity, thus the temper tantrums. It’s actually a really interesting reverse-play on a Jedi-in-training.
the death fakeouts…you’ve gone to the movies a couple of times I’m your life, yeah? This is the first time you’ve come across a filmmaker using suspension of disbelief when dealing with characters escaping explosions? I agree that Poe’s return is completely anti-climactic. No build up, no TA DAAAA but the fake death…seen it a billion times. This version is no more egregious than any of the others.
Storm trooper lightsaber: Snoke clearly is familiar with Jedi weapons. Would make sense that in the intervening years since ROTJ he’d want his ground troops to have weapons that can at least defend against them.
Agreed that Rey’s mastery of the Force is way too advanced based on what we’ve been taught in the series. Her ability to fight with a saber makes sense though due to her proficiency with her stick thing (I mean, seriously:the minute she used it to beat up those two thugs you didn’t see her fight with Ren coming?)
I cant tell you that these things you didn’t like, you should have liked. I just don’t think the angle you have on some of it is justifiable. Did you really not get that Ren is an insecure man not comfortable with who he is vs who he wants to be? The dude is PRAYING to a Vader mask and you can’t figure out why he would choose to wear one?
I don’t agree with any of this. Nitpicking.
I know that someone other than a Jedi can use a lightsaber… the question was about how well Finn uses it. I don’t mind Rey’s use of it at all.
If I have to know Star Wars history for the movie not to have irritating moments, the movie has a problem.
Same with the death fake-outs. They can be done… but if there is a reason. The only apparent reason here is that it leaves Finn alone to meet Rey and not have Poe in the way and also to not have him be dead.
And as for press being able to suss out who is behind the mask… the 5-year-old asked whether it was Luke. His mother wasn’t sure either. I knew it wasn’t Luke when I saw the movie, but think outside the bubble.
This is mostly asinine.
I think you also hate that you insisted there was no way the film would hit $200 million and it’s actually going to smash that record easily.
I think that’s exactly what his criticism is about. Poland is a box office obsessive who doesn’t seem to actually know anything about the box office.
Finn doesn’t use the lightsaber well, DP. He gets whipped by a stormtrooper with a sort of crowd conrol tazer stick of some sort. He gets whipped by Ren. Ren fights like Luke at the end of Jedi, all rage and no form, just bludgeon. He’s clearly had less training than the bare minimum lightsaber training Luke had. Rey has a litle more finesse and tries, semi-effectively to adapt some of her staff technique to the lightsaber. Clearly she’s being set up to build a Maul type weapon in one of the next two films.
but the cirque du soleil saber ballets seem to be a thing of the past. which is appropriate since Luke was never trained in the cirque saber techniques of the prequels, and everyone that knew the technique died by the end of jedi.
Therefore, Luke would have been a poor teacher of saber combat and Ren would not have had any chance to practice with another user since fleeing training. So he kind of sucks at actual saber-saber fighting.
I actually find it really refreshing. In this film, Ren is in the same place, skill wise, that Luke was in during Empire Strikes Back. Half trained, rash, inconsistent, but full of raw power and potential.
@locke spot on about where Ren’s skill level seems to be. And I agree these characterization are refreshing. Driver’s Ren is a fantastic creation. Right now he’s someone who seems to be doing evil things almost as an affectation. Whether it sticks or not is going to make for a great arc.
@David anecdotally using a 5 year old as proof that folks were confused by who was under the Ren mask isn’t helping your case. I think if anyone though Luke was Ren it’s due more to expecting some major twist vs confusion. Case in point: I kept expecting Luke to be revealed as Snoke.
And I’m not sure why you expected more Luke. The movie ends on a fair note. It’s like insisting that the first Lord Of The Rings cheated by not destroying the ring at its climax. We know we’re signing up for a new trilogy when we stepped into the theater for SW.
One thing that hasn’t had as much discussion as I would have expected in this movie – what a pleasure it was to see an actively committed Harrison Ford come to play once again. And for a role and series that he’s tried to distance himself from for decades. Maybe JJ pushed him harder than other directors since he stopped giving his all about twenty years ago. Maybe it’s just that Lawrence Kasdan’s dialog seems to bring out the best in him. But this is his best work at least since The Fugitive. Maybe since Witness. His final gesture in the movie, that compassionate grace note, may infact go down as his defining screen moment.
haha, great analysis Dave
“Oh yeah… and the best Star Wars opening ever, $108 million for Revenge of the Sith in 2005… not a record. Couldn’t beat Spider-Man‘s 2002 record even then.
So, sanity intact, I think $160 million is about the cap – including Thursday – for the Star Wars 7 opening. This would be record-shattering. And just to spite me karmically, I fear that the number will be in over $170. But $200m makes no sense to me. it would be singular… in all of movie history.”
@Wally wow, his defining screen moment? Ford was great in the movie, and it will provide a nice bookend on his career but he’s going to be remembered for SOOO much more, and better, than his last performance as Han Solo.
And I’m in the camp that can’t believe Dave didn’t see this box office coming. I don’t even give a shit about that stuff and I was pretty sure this would be a phenomenon.
When Dave doesn’t see something happening. He really doesn’t see it happening.
It’s doing at least $225m this weekend, and that’s conservative at this point. I hope that James Cameron and Frank Marshall have their full page spreads in Variety ready.
I don’t get the Frank Marshall bit?
These aren’t really nitpicks. Just evidence of what a profoundly shitty storyteller Abrams is.
Frank Marshall was the producer of Jurassic World, I think. First and only time that the opening weekend crown will get passed on to your own spouse.
@Wally, ah of course. More like “duh” on my part.
All good hates. I agree with all of them.
We all know who Snoke is:
https://www.reddit.com/comments/3qvj6w
Or
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k7Uc84U04Sk
Jesus. I hope you were outraged that The Emperor, when seen in person in JEDI, was revealed to be a normal-sized man, rather than a hulking giant head as he appeared in EMPIRE.
“Why is the leader of a fascist dictatorship a size obsessive, especially in a world where Yoda kicks ass?” Uh, Yoda hasn’t kicked ass in 60 years of Star Wars time — Snoke may not have even been *alive* when Yoda was last in a fight, so keep up the good work there. And if you can’t figure out why a decrepit, injured person would want to convey size, strength and power when leading a legion of fanatics… well, you could start by looking at all of human history, I guess.
With all of the legitimate complaints you can make about the script… THOSE are the ones that have you complaining?!
I’ll tell you what I fucking hated. They killed off the best character of the movie! They fucking killed off Han Solo! The only actor from the original three whose career didn’t stop dead after the trilogy, and they killed him off! And how did they do this? Oh, the spoiled brat not at all threatening or scary Darth Vader fanboy played by the worst period actor period in television today period, straight off of that god-awful HBO show about the fat stupid cunt who dresses like she’s a 9-year-old and whines about every fucking thing in the world, who looks like a skater-boy weed smoker from Palo Alto! Fuck JJ Abrams. Fuck him in his ear. He should go back to doing “Gilligan’s Island” for sexless dorks who live with their parents and play RPGs. He fucked the best part of this up. Right up until Han died, I liked the movie. It was good! I cheered! I hated Kylo Ren and the fuck-awful actor who played him, but everything else I liked. Then… BOOM! I hated it! And all of you geek-boy fans who want to argue this point to me, I can’t hear you, because I’m doing something you can’t do, I’m having sex with my wife! So get a fucking life, stop dressing up in costumes, because you look like fucking idiots, and realize that Han Solo was the only fucking cool thing about Star Wars and JJ Abrams ass raped the franchise! End of rant!
Snoke was a year 2000 level CG vision. Awful and uninspired. Leia was wasted. The worst example of the film’s inept storytelling is Chewbacca STROLLING RIGHT PAST Leia after his best friend is killed. Instead we get a completely unemotional uninvolved hug between Leia and Rey. How does a director not do a money shot of Chewie and Leia bonding? Rey’s duel was boring for exactly the reason DP states. And that last scene is indeed botched by a series of bad edits and angles. The worst thing about the film, which isn’t terrible (I liked Emo’s tantrums but him actually related to Han and Leia is more lame plotting) is the rehashing, like the goddamn Death Star again. So much lazy. Indefensible. And visually/dramatically inert as anything in the whole series.