Posts Tagged ‘Kevin Costner’

The Dark Knight: The Musical

Wednesday, December 17th, 1997

Variety reports that Warner Bros. is making plans to follow in Disney’s footsteps by bringing the Batman franchise to Broadway. That’s right, “The Dark Knight: The Musical” (It could be less painful than another Schumacher Batman sequel). I bet you want to sing already, huh? Songs include “My Dead Parents,” “Sorry ’bout the Acid, Joker,” the comedy number, “My Tights Are Too Darned Tight,” and the grand romantic ballad, “My Suit Is Happy To See You.”
The Arizona Republic talked to Tom Arnold, who spilled the beans about what’s next for James Cameron. According to Tom, it’s True Lies 2. Cameron is apparently ready to pay Fox back for their $200 million worth of faith in him and his vision for Titanic. Arnold starts his WB hiatus in February and he was just put on indefinite hold on Ridley Scott’s over-budget-before-pre-production, I Am Legend. And Cameron? He’d only have to take a break from the awards banquets at which he’ll soon be a regular. Look for the film in Christmas, 1998, assuming Tom is on target.
Whining was the art form of choice over the weekend. Kevin Costner was unhappy with press junket critics’ reaction to The Postman, his new writer/director/star turn. The reaction? Laughter. “That’s horrible!” squealed Kevin, “You guys (the media) keep spinning that way, and it’s wrong. You were wrong about Dances (With Wolves), you were wrong about Waterworld, and you’re wrong about this movie! It’s too bad that’s how it keeps going; that really pisses me off.” On the other hand, Christian Slater knows that he was wrong and that he needs help. He told reporters, “It doesn’t matter how famous you are … If your head is telling you you suck, all you ever want to do is try to escape from that. I’m just dealing with that now, and it’s tough.” Good luck, gentlemen. I’ll put a dime in your tin cups when I see you.
Any money for me? Throw something in my tin cup. Or just drop me a line to say hi.

Projects of Love

Tuesday, November 11th, 1997

First up, Demi Moore is about ready to play a marriage counsellor in her 30s who has lost her faith in love before replying to a personal ad and falling for a 20-something black man in Human Seeking Same. Naked in movies. Check. Marry that Die Hard guy. Check. Pregnant and Naked on Vanity Fair. Check. Implants bigger than my head. Check. French kiss Ellen DeGeneres in public. Check. Read about the Michael Douglas rule. Check. Do it with a much younger black man on screen. Check. Anyone have an idea what’s next? E-mail me.
Next, the balding and talented Kevin Costner is about to be pursued by a female journalist who instantly falls in love with him and his sensitivity after she reads his love letters to his wife. Message In A Bottle sounds a lot like Sleepless In Seattle with a Coke instead of a radio, and a beach instead of the Empire State Building. So what do you want to bet that Kevin’s co-star is more than a decade younger than him? Ahhhhh. It’s a suckers bet, huh?
Finally, Jean-Claude Van Damme’s first romantic lead has vanished. The Muscle-Head From Brussels appeared in 1985’s short film Monaco Forever, playing a mysterious man who picks up the hitchhiking hero of the film and makes a lightening-fast move for his crotch. Jean-Claude, we hardly knew you! J-C said, “Van Dammit!” when Jay Leno planned on surprising him with a clip on “The Tonight Show,” canceling his appearance. Now someone has stolen the only print of the film and the negative has mysteriously disappeared as well. This could be self-serving hype by the filmmaker trying to sell some tape. Or a Van Damme conspiracy. But do you really think Jean-Claude is smart enough to conspire to do much more than separate the two sides of an Oreo cookie? Didn’t think so.
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