Kevin Williamson just did a deal to write a romantic comedy with the idea of deconstructing the genre the same way he did the horror genre in Scream. Early trailer dialogue: ” ‘Somebody loves love too much.’ (Gorgeous unknown 19-year-old actress in a push-up bra walks with a romance novel and falls into an open manhole.) ‘From the guy who made a horror hit that we can’t mention because Miramax might sue us, LOVE!’ (Matthew Broderick talks to a buddy.) ‘OK, so if I take a panther named Baby to her and tell her she reminds me of Katherine Hepburn, but without the shaking, she’ll fall into my arms?’ Friend retorts, ‘It wasn’t a panther, it was a leopard.’ Broderick, ‘No, I’m pretty sure it was a panther.’ Friend, ‘No, it was a leopard.’ Girl at next table looks up from her book, ‘It was a leopard.’ Matthew Broderick looks at her, ‘In the words, that uh, were, uh, used by Hugh Grant, uh, referring to the ‘Partridge Family’ in that clever way of his, but now we know that he’s really not romantic, but prefers oral sex with prostitutes on Sunset Boulevard, but the line still works, I think I love you.’ Annonuncer: ‘LOVE! whines into theaters next Valentine’s Day!’ ”
DREW LOVE: Drew Barrymore is pushing along with her producing career and, unlike a certain young actress whose name involves a precious metal and the eternal status of Cheech and Chong, Drew seems to have the right idea. The project is Never Been Kissed, which takes the former high school-geek Barrymore back to school. This movie is a natural that is undoubtedly a high school boy geek’s wet dream. Not because Drew might seduce a pocket protector pal (only rock stars, actors and uber-hip bar owners need apply), but because you can be sure she’s going to deflate the egos of the jock idiots that make life hell for the four-eyed nation.
THE BIG AIR BOAT: OK, so a sequel to Titanic is pretty much impossible. But Twister director Jan DeBont knows a good idea when he steals it. Twister pretty much riffed on Jurassic Park — all mind-blowing effects, minimal story. Now, it’s Hindenberg. The story is the story of the Hindenberg, which crashed in New Jersey in 1937, but with two fictional characters, an American Navy officer and a German documentarian who happens to be a fabulous babe. I guess we should expect Leni Riefenstahl to be up for the Gloria Stuart spot in the Best Supporting Actress Oscar nominations in a couple of years.
JUST WONDERING: Did anyone else notice The Spice Girls concert on Showtime included their interpretation of that classic hit, “Generation Next?” I guess if Elvis were alive, he’d be ending each song with “Always Coca-Cola” instead of “Thank you very much.”
IT WAS ONLY A “;&$^%(*&@ING JOKE!: Rip Torn has a court judgement against Dennis Hopper to the tune of $475,000 because Hopper claimed on “The Tonight Show” that Torn lost the Jack Nicholson role in Easy Rider because he attacked Hopper with a knife. Hopper has backed off the story since, but apparently Torn can hold a grudge. Maybe Burt Reynolds can sue Stroker Ace director Hal Needham for talking him out of taking the Nicholson role in Terms of Endearment, which was as detrimental to Burt as losing Easy Rider was for Torn. But who will Nicholson sue for Wolf and Mars Attacks!?
STUCK IN THE WEB: Just as Harry Knowles was ready to start pre-production on Jim Cameron’s Spiderman, starring Leo DiCaprio and Gloria Stuart, the project is heading back to the courtroom. Marvel Comics, smelling the Cameron deal that the financially troubled comic book publisher has been anxious for, is suing MGM, Sony and Viacom (parent of Paramount) to regain exclusive rights to the character. That would mean Marvel could sell the rights to the highest bidder, which with Cameron interested would mean as much as $15 million upfront. In the meantime, with Spiderman and Terminator in rights’ battles, look for Cameron to make a less effects-oriented project (Planet of The Apes probably) his next “go” project. And don’t be too surprised if Cameron elects to co-finance the film with Fox with his $100 million Titanic check burning a hole in his pocket.
BOX OFFICE CHALLENGE: This week’s sponsor is MGM’s latest, Species 2. We tried to get you one of those really cool Natasha Henstridge babe/monster posters, but the regular-sized ones are all gone and the only stock MGM has are bus stop-sized ones that can’t be bent and weigh about 30 pounds. Cool, but too hard to ship. This week we also make the game easier to play by adding a little rough cut technology. Stop back tomorrow and you’ll be able to give your picks, read the rules and get ready to win Species II T-shirts and posters!
READER OF THE DAY: From Jim Mattes: “Cameron’s speech seemed more joyful than arrogant, and that makes all the difference. His career arc is just beginning, so there should be more Aliens to come. The only downside is that since the first Terminator and Aliens, Jim’s films have increasingly bloated in time and girth. I didn’t mind the excess 20 minutes or so in The Abyss and Terminator 2: Judgment Day, but the one hour dead-zone in True Lies was noticeable, as was the first hour-and-a-half of Titanic. Let’s hope this trend does not continue, while his skill as a filmmaker continues to increase as it has. Greater movies than this will Jim make, of that we might be sure. Then again, we might be wrong, so I shall wait and see.”

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