By David Poland poland@moviecitynews.com
News By The Numbers
10. Charles Grodin lost his TV job this week. I was always a big fan of the guy until he hit CNBC and came out of the whiny-radical-self-
righteous-jerk closet. I’m sure he is financially stable, but I’m equally sure that he’ll be knocking on Hollywood’s door at any moment. His last three films before heading to TV were the unreleaseable Marty Short co-starrer Clifford, the MGM disaster It Runs in the Family and the truly value-free Beethoven 2. To be fair, Grodin’s films just before those included a wonderful cameo in Dave and a co-staring role in the terrific and underseen Heart and Souls. But whether Hollywood decides to re-open the door to Chuck will come down to one thing. Money. Pick your first part wisely.
9. Charlton Heston is about to take the presidency of the Nation Rifle Association. Chuck ran on the “If we don’t have our guns, how will we stop those damned stinking apes from taking over the planet” platform. Based on the recent series of schoolroom shootings, I’d say the monkeys are ahead.
8. Do you get your movies on illegal cable? Well, you may be in trouble. The U.S. government sided with the studios for the first time this week and shut down All-Star Electronics Corp., one of the largest makers of, so-called, black boxes. The judgment against the company was for $53 million, which to those of you who may face paying for cable for the first time, is approximately three months of basic plus the full movie package.
7. Francis Ford Coppola is in jury selection for his lawsuit against Warner Bros. over his never-made Pinnochio. Coppola could have saved us from the incredibly hideous Martin Landau/Jonathan Taylor-Thomas version produced by the man who brought us Bachelor Party. He also could have gotten back on top and avoided having to work as a director-for-hire on Jack. He went four years between movies as Pinnochio worked its way to not being made. Warner Bros. didn’t understand, man. Francis is the man. The man with the plan, man. He sees cosmos and galaxies that normal people just can’t, just can’t, just can’t, just can’t… Sorry, I was possessed by Dennis Hopper for a minute.
6. Can’t get enough lawsuits. Someone has the cajoles to sue over rights to a 9 1/2 Weeks’ prequel. No, Mickey Rourke will not be abusing women against a green screen, and then have George Lucas put New York City in later. Seems that original producer Peter Hoffman gave Lions Gate (There they are again! Nothing but trouble, these Canadians!) the rights to make the prequel, and because Trimark (the people who brought you Carrot Top in Chairman of the Board) did the sequel (which starred the budding porn star, I mean actress, Angie Everhart) they claim they have the distribution rights to any prequel. In the end, this complex legal matter will be resolved and the essential story will be all that’s left. NO ONE CARES! NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THIS FILM! (Was I too subtle?)
5. Leo is going to be in American Psycho. Leo may not be in American Psycho. Leo can accept two awards for Titanic at the MTV Music Awards, but not in person, even though he’s been hanging around in L.A. doing nothing for months. WHAT IS WITH THIS GUY?!?!? The American Psycho deal was classic Hollywood. Leo said “yes,” the studio (Lions Gate) announced, and Leo got cold feet when the press ate him alive over the choice. Sure, Leo’s publicist blamed Lions Gate for jumping the gun, but she would have retained a modicum of credibility had she done so less than a week after Lions Gate made the announcement. And all this was after the Miramax/Columbia team passed on Leo’s $20 million price tag for All the Pretty Horses and picked up a bargain rate Matt Damon for $5.5 million. Then, the MTV thing. I guess he was too busy banging Playmates up at Hef’s. What’s a boy to do?
4. The MTV Music Awards were given out. Jim Carrey got it all right in his speech, which took a page from his award-winning performance in Liar, Liar. “It’s an honor. Business. Honor. Business. It’s an honor and it’s also business.” It’s the most meaningless award since George Schlatter invented the American Comedy Awards to get a two-hour slot on ABC. `Nuff said. (Watch for the roughcut Movie Awards, coming to TNT as soon as we stop giggling and actually propose the idea.)
3. Norm MacDonald‘s movie, Dirty Work, was given the heave-ho from NBC’s “Saturday Night Live”‘s advertiser list. Ads for the film were banned by Don Ohlmeyer, who prefers O.J. Simpson to MacDonald in a landslide. Ohlmeyer was the guy who fired Norm from his SNL anchor job for “not being funny.” And that was even before Dirty Work was released. No word on whether Ohlmeyer will be banning Ford Bronco ads or reruns of “The Green Hornet,” featuring Bruce Lee as Kato.
2. The Spice Girls are looking to fill the void left by Ginger/Geri Spice. Hot Button readers have offered up: Talented Spice (from killcows), Lena Horne as Old Spice (Steve W), Butch Spice (from AJ, who ads, “Think about it, she would be the perfect compliment to those lipsticky femmes. She can basically be like the construction worker in the Village people, but you know, manlier.”) and The Empty Space in the Spice Rack (Joe Z). I also got a letter from John F., who said, “According to The Globe (or was it the Weekly World News) Charles Manson has announced that he will commit suicide, but only after he gets a chance to meet the Spice Girls. I’m guessing this means that Squeaky Spice is taking lessons in Girl Power. Lock and load indeed.” Meanwhile Ginger gets to be both John and Yoko.
2. While NBC was turning away MGM’s money (they produced Dirty Work), they were getting a bargain on Godzilla. After staying out of TV-rights negotiations before Godzilla opened, expecting a record $100 million opening weekend, Sony had to drop their $35 million TV rights demand and settle for NBC’s $25 million. This is almost as good a deal for NBC as their pick-up of the Titanic rights from Paramount/Fox in the first week of January for only $30 million. No truth to the rumor that NBC is getting another great deal, accepting $25 million from Warner Bros. to air Almost Heroes on their network.
1. In what was a very rare moment of intense honesty and cruelty, Lucasfilm posted the “Plot Does Matter” teaser page on their Star Wars site. (Check it out, with thanks to Cinescape). Word has it that the stunt made Dean Devlin shed tears. Understandable. The guy has had a hard week. He has a $105 million movie in its 17th day, and he’s been vilified (along with Roland Emmerich) as the scourge of cinema. It’s an excellent reminder of just how extreme the Hollywood rollercoaster can be. If you want to get in the biz, make sure to bring a barf bag.
1A. Thanks For The Malfeasance: Arizona Congressman Bob Stump was a little fast on the draw when he announced on Friday afternoon that Bob Hope was dead. Stump got the news from House Majority Leader Dick Armey who got it form a staffer who saw it on the AP wire. (Great. Another thing to blame on the Internet!) Turns out that Hope was alive and having breakfast, according to his daughter and his publicist. What AP meant to say was that Hope looks like he’s dead.
READER OF THE DAY: From Geoff F: “I’ve been reading the comments about Fear and Loathing, which I saw over Memorial Day weekend. I agree with the reader who said that the book and the movie are companion pieces to each other. I thought the movie was done well — very faithful, in many ways, to the feel of the book. The audience I was with seemed very appreciative, although also uneasy at times. What I think might bother some people is not the fact that the movie rambles (like a rollercoaster, maybe the point of it is the ride itself, not the destination), but the fact that there are no heroes in it. It seems to me that we’ve become used to having movies with strong, noble characters in them (especially with all the disaster pictures over the last couple of years), and Duke and Gonzo are anything but. They’re uncompromising, which is perhaps their only laudable trait, but that’s not nearly enough to get an audience solidly behind them or identify with their quest. The other problem might be that audiences were expecting a more of a period, nostalgia piece and got smacked in the face with some pretty brutal images of excess.”
