WOW!
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the blockbuster business, another limp opening. What in the name of Joel Silver is happening here?! I’m not completely sure myself. Many are simply expressing their relief that Armageddon won’t be influencing studios to attempt more Armageddons. (My new pull quote: “The most cynical film ever!”) But more is going on here than meets the box office weekend. I’m going to take a deep, deep breath and try to figure it out in time for Wednesday’s Ranting & Raving. In the meantime, watch Disney spin the emotional wreckage of Armageddon‘s $52.9 million five-day opening (plus Tuesday night preview). They can say what they want, but a $34.8 million three-day total, only $5.8 million more than the lightly hyped Dr. Dolittle managed last weekend, is a disaster of epic proportions. (Maybe they’ll release the “Audience Cut” with 40 minutes less footage.) Looks like Armageddon will be fighting uphill to reach the $150 million mark domestically.
The Doctor was in again as Dr. Dolittle dragged in $27.6 million over the five-day weekend ($19.8 million three-day) for second place, a fair distance behind my optimistic prediction (THB 07/03) but enough to stay well ahead of Armageddon in total gross with $77.1 million. Armageddon should pass the Doc next weekend, but not by much. Meanwhile, animated Eddie and the rest of the Mulan crew had another hun-ny of a weekend with a $16.9 million five-day total ($11.6 million 3-day), driving right past the $75 million mark. Small Soldiers will attack the kids next weekend, but a $125 to $135 million domestic total looks about right, pushing Mulan past Hercules and The Hunchback of Notre Dame and putting to rest the Disney-Is-Ripe-For-The-Taking buzz. (Thought I am still chuckling to myself about DreamWorks’ Antz maneuver. Brilliant and 100 percent guaranteed to have been planned for many months. You can rush Lethal Weapon 4 into theaters, but animation takes lots of time. I don’t think anyone’s ever had a major animated film in the can and waiting for release for six months before and I don’t think that was ever the real plan here.)
My beloved Out of Sight took fourth place, but dropped 46 percent, as though it were a bad movie, managing only an $8.7 million five-day draw ($6.5 million 3-day). Damn. The X-Files grabbed $9.2 million over the five-day ($6.4 million 3-day, a 51 percent drop) as it blew past the $65 million mark, though a $100 million domestic seems unlikely now. The Truman Show got right up in the face of the $110 million mark with a $7.6 million five-day and a $6.4 million 3-day for sixth place. And Six Days, Seven Nights was in seventh, followed by A Perfect Murder (which passed the $60 million mark), Hope Floats and The Horse Whisperer.
THE GOOD: For a change, reviewers around America found unity in their reasons for ripping Armageddon. Critics may hate the same films, but rarely do you read virtually the same comments from one, two or three of them. I did get a note from one reader who felt Roger Ebert was being a little too specific about his attacks, expecting too much reality. I’d agree, but outside of that, he was pretty dead-on.
THE GOOD, THE SEQUEL: Thanks for all the nice notes about the Harry Knowles letter (THB 07/04) that ran over the weekend. Honestly, I didn’t intend to give it such prime real estate, but such is the nature of forgotten holiday weekend deadlines. To answer the one recurring question — Why do I give a damn? — I can only say that I take all media outlets seriously, whether it’s in The L.A. Times, Premiere, Ain’t It Cool News or any other outlet. In fact, I’d like to take issue with the letter that ran in the ZENtertainment attacking Harry for writing that he cried during Armageddon. None of us can claim to know how Harry Knowles feels? Besides, the review isn’t the issue. I just can’t stomach Knowles moaning over people daring to question whether a self-proclaimed “fat redheaded kid from Austin” could be seduced by a major studio. Experienced men with millions in their pockets are seduced out here every day. As someone smarter than I once said, “If you don’t think you can be seduced, then either you are in denial or nobody’s ever wanted anything from you.”
THE BAD: Out of Sight is beginning to look a lot like a box office cousin to L.A. Confidential. But in this case, instead of Warner’s distribution department dropping the ball (by keeping L.A.C. in limited release too long), it was Universal’s newly-restructured marketing department. Have you seen Steven Soderbergh out there like you saw Quentin Tarantino out there last year with Jackie Brown? Have you seen Jennifer Lopez talking about playing a strong woman or have you seen photos of her backside (glorious though it may be) all over the place? And has Universal done anything to interest women in one of the gentlest romances to be put on screen in years?
THE UGLY: It’s beginning to look like there will be no $200 million movies this summer. Last summer, I was worried that there were no $300 million summer films. Obviously, Titanic proves movies can still gross mega-numbers, but the battles of summer are getting worse, not better.
TWO MOVIES EQUAL: The X-Files + Dr. Dolittle = The Dr. Dolittle Files. Scully and Mulder investigate the mystery of how a major movie star who picks up cross-dressers on the streets of L.A. can kick their asses at the box office. When the two detectives interview the cross-dresser before his/her mysterious death, he/she points to his/her fashionable skirt and says, “The truth is in there.”
JUST WONDERING: Do you think Disney is regretting their decision to step up their Bruckheimer franchise from the $80 million pre-Memorial Day summer movie business to the $140 million July 4 summer movie business? I do. And I’ll tell you what else. I think Armageddon would have been much better as a $90 million, 110-minute movie. In this case, lack of economy was more dangerous than any asteroid.
BAD AD WATCH: I was more than a little shocked to see the TV ad Fox was running for There’s Something About Mary on their network Sunday night. They throw away one of the most shocking and surprising visual jokes ever shot for a non-pornographic movie like it was just another lightweight punchline in another Disney comedy. (Pretty damned funny too.) And even more shocking, the Fox TV network aired it. Perhaps I wouldn’t have really gotten the joke had I not seen the movie. Maybe people won’t. It’s not well-explained in the ad, and I won’t describe it here in hopes that you missed the ad and will enjoy the surprise in a theater. But whatever happened to letting you wait until you get to the theater to get shocked?
TOMORROW: There have been a couple of great news stories since last Thursday. Francis Ford Coppola hit the jackpot. Disney is already covering their Armageddon tracks. October Films goes Hollywood for the first time since being purchased by Universal.
READER OF THE DAY: The actual ROTD today was Ryan, but the column is a little thick today and Ryan’s letter is quite long, so tune in tomorrow for Ryan and right now, enjoy 1st Runner-Up, Maniac: “At the pathetic home page for The Saint, there is a quote from Ron Brewington that says ‘The Saint is the bomb!.’ THE bomb? Not DA bomb? Now, who failed their Ebonics class?”

Be Sociable, Share!

• 
•