By David Poland poland@moviecitynews.com
Three Days to Live: 'Mormonsploitation!' at the Pioneer
After a lengthy gestation in the gentle-yet-sick minds that run the Pioneer Theater, the week-long Mormonsploitation! film series is underway. Actually, it has been underway for a few days now, but you still have until Wednesday to catch some rarely screened Mormon-centric pictures like 1917’s A Mormon Maid and John Ford’s 1950 LDS-er Wagon Master. Each of the films precedes Ian Allen’s outlandish silent-film parody Trapped by the Mormons (right), and taken as a whole, they should effectively curb your appetite for Mormon cinema until the Rapture. At least.
In fact, the Pioneer’s resident horror and zombie film programmer, Dr. Reinhardt van Nostrand, helped out with the Mormonsploitation event by virtue (or lack thereof) of his knowledge of the occult. “Mormonsploitation! is the most important cultural program in New York City this year,” he told The Reeler in an e-mail last weekend. “This includes the commemmorations [sic] celebrating John Paul II. For too long, the LDS (so-called ‘Mormon’) community’s dangerous immorality and improprieties have polluted the world unchecked. In this program, the Pioneer brings together an extraordinary range of critical documents, revealing the LDS community’s viciousness and danger. From the polygamous zombie vampires in Trapped by the Mormons to the marauding LDS pioneers in Wagon Master, the range of devious ‘Mormons’ depicted here is enormous! Beware the pamphleteers! Prepare yourself, by attending Mormonsploitation!”
Right. Absolutely. Even if you are only half-prepared with three days of viewing, that is three days more than many New Yorkers will have once the streets run white with choir boys and cotton shirts. This is the only chance you are going to get.
Incidentally, if you are interested in a closer look at how folks at the Pioneer spent 2005 when they were not fomenting fake religious discord, the theater’s year-end blog entries tell the tale. Headmaster Ray Privett fell in love with Broken Flowers, while Jeffrey the Projectionist praises the feminist touchstone Chaos for, among other things, starring “Sylvester Stallone’s public toilet of a son … as a chubby weasel drug guy.”
Best thing I saw at the Pioneer this year? Easy: Douglas Buck’s brilliant, exhausting, horrifying Family Portraits. Granted, I have yet to drop in for the Mormon effect, but unless Wagon Master features a missionary losing his lips in a tragic bicycle/scissor accident, I do not think it can even be close.