Old MCN Blogs
David Poland

By David Poland poland@moviecitynews.com

'Brokeback' Shirts, Diesel's Pants and Six Other Decisions You Just Never Want to Have to Make

OK, so at 8 p.m., a children’s charity in Los Angeles is going to kick off an auction in which you can bid on the actual bloody, scuzzy shirts that get Heath Ledger all messed up at the end of Brokeback Mountain. “Everyone who has watched this movie–the biggest hit among this year’s Best Picture Oscar nominees–knows the emotional significance and impact of these shirts in this unforgettable film,” squeals the press release, presaging (if not outright guaranteeing) a weekend of spendy gay madness.

Yeah, I know those are the Brokeback shirts. But Vin Diesel’s ass was rightthere(Photos: Variety–The Children’s Charity)

However, before you go stealing a car stereo or robbing a bodega, a little investigation reveals that this charity is giving us an awfully tough selection of other items to choose from as well:

–ANNAPOLIS SIGNED DIRECTOR’S CHAIR – JAMES FRANCO + MORE

–AUTOGRAPHED PHOTO FROM JUST LIKE HEAVEN – JON HEDER

–ANNAPOLIS – AUTOGRAPHED POSTER – TYRESE GIBSON + MORE

–2 SHOWEST ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY CONVENTION TICKETS

–ATTEND A VIP TAPING OF REBA – MEET THE CAST UP TO 4 PPL

–MOTOCROSS PANTS WORN BY VIN DIESEL WHILE FILMING XXX

–THE RINGER AUTOGRAPHED POSTER – JOHNNY KNOXVILLE + MORE

You know there must be another press release not too far behind imploring buyers to consider the “emotional significance” of Jon Heder’s autograph, or to remember the wrenching lost climax of XXX: Uncensored and Interminable Director’s Cut–the one during which Augustus Gibbons slides open a desk drawer to reveal Xander Cage’s delicately folded motocross pants, pats them, sniffs them, whispers, “Triple X, you sweet, sweet motherfucker,” under his breath before lurching out into the tumbleweed flatlands of Washington. See? Huh? Not so fast on those shirts, right?
Anyway, you have until 8 p.m. on Monday, Feb. 20, to think about it, but speaking from experience, you are going to want to start selling crack, sex, blood plasma etc. a hell of a lot sooner than that to raise this kind of cash.

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It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?

So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.

I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.

So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.

But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”

My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher

“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.

~ David Simon