By David Poland poland@moviecitynews.com
Allen Just Loves to Dote on Little Scarlett's Sex Life
Today’s Page Six notes that Scarlett Johansson moved into Josh Hartnett’s Tribeca apartment and that she “is seen walking her dog mornings on Hudson Street.” I mean, it is good to know that Johansson and Hartnett spend time out together, but I can hear you preparing a breath to ask, “Why the fuck is this news?”
I did not take it too seriously either until reading Jeanette Walls’s Scoop column this morning on MSNBC, which had me feeling nine ways of sick:
Scarlett Johansson says Woody Allen was obsessed with her love life. “He’s not always sure of himself, and that’s a sexy quality,” the Love Match [sic] star tells the upcoming issue of Life magazine regarding her director. “But you know what cracks me up? He’s fascinated with my love life. And John Travolta [Johansson’s costar in last year’s A Love Song for Bobby Long] is even worse than Woody–he wants to know everything. I guess it’s because they’re both married with kids and want to live vicariously.”
I will forgive the “Love Match” error; after all, Roger Friedman’s trangressions over on Fox make Walls look like Lillian Ross. But if Allen’s insecurity is “sexy,” I can only imagine how all that classically Woody-esque paternal tenderness is going to develop as these two continue working together. Let it suffice to say that if Hartnett thinks he can fight Allen off by clearing a spot on the sink for his girlfriend’s toothbrush, he might reconsider his adversary right… about… now.
Travolta? Just another horny Scientologist. Allen? By his own admission in Manhattan, “Beneath his black-rimmed glasses was the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat.” So hell yes–in a simmering battle between a dog and a cat, my money is always on the cat.
Calm down, dude.
Johansson’s stock persona is of a smart, self-aware girl who is fussed over by older guys and rather enjoys it.
This is the 2005 equivalent of hearing that Garbo may have actually snuggled with another girl.