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David Poland

By David Poland poland@moviecitynews.com

Posted Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 - 30 Comments »
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Name the TomKat Baby, Win Valuable Prizes


I know how much the media terror coruscating from the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes union means to so many of you, and as such, I thought it my duty to bring you the very, very latest development affecting this brainpan-imploding, very pregnant Hollywood power couple.
This just in from the online betting tip sheet Puntersrealm:

By now we all know that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are to be married this autumn. The craze surrounding the two has been intense, many saying it is just a big Hollywood publicity stunt. Regardless of what you think about the Cruise and Holmes Show, you can profit from it by looking into the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ Baby’s name betting market. …

The current favorites in the betting market are: Katie (8/1) & Thomas (8/1) but we feel that naming the child Thomas would be seen as arrogant by the Tom Cruise skeptics, and our inside info suggests that it will be a boy, so we will look beyond Katie.

AMUSING POSSIBLE NAMES

Bookmakers always try and have a bit of fun in these novelty markets, and the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes betting market is no exception:

500/1 Iceman

500/1 Goose

150/1 Elvis Presley

I think it is fair to say we can rule out Nicole at 100/1 and also Penelope at 100/1.

Yeah, well, I think it goes without saying that this whole TomKat ordeal will have been worth it should they name their offspring Iceman. But what do the oddsmakers like? Lee (12/1) or Cass (16/1) rank among their favorites, although they also hint at some sure-to-be-bulletproof gossip about a recent shopping trip where Holmes bought nothing but boys’ clothes. As far as the spawn’s religion goes, PuntersRealm seems to avoid making odds; my own figures show the smart money is on Scientology at 1/1, but think of the mint you could make if you nailed Southern Baptist (100,000/1).
The baby-name market evidently closes March 4, so up your Visa’s credit limit, read the tabloids and get to work. This is your future we are talking about.

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30 Comments »

30 Responses to “Name the TomKat Baby, Win Valuable Prizes”

  1. John says:
    February 23, 2006 at 10:48 pm

    Um, duh, Ron, or Veronica if it’s a girl.

  2. Steve says:
    February 24, 2006 at 9:50 am

    I wouldnt be suprised if they chose TOM. He seems very egotistical.
    I followed the link in the article and then found the odds for this event: http://www.puntersodds.com/Default.aspx?market=18872793
    Seems Tom is favourite 🙁

  3. yvette says:
    February 24, 2006 at 11:44 am

    what is another name for a couch? sofa…RIGHT…how about SOFIA if its a girl…
    and it will have to be TOMMY TWO,,,,he says his baby..not ours..

  4. I know says:
    February 24, 2006 at 12:19 pm

    It’s a boy….William

  5. Mark Ebner says:
    February 24, 2006 at 4:21 pm

    Leave it to me to state the obvious, but…
    Boy: Xenu
    Girl: Xena

  6. lala says:
    February 24, 2006 at 7:17 pm

    i think they should name him: brad and her: angelina! lol

  7. court says:
    February 25, 2006 at 12:07 am

    boy : prince penis
    girl : lady vagina

  8. Deb says:
    February 25, 2006 at 7:30 am

    Elron for a boy for sure!!!!

  9. stephanie says:
    February 25, 2006 at 7:52 am

    i think if its a boy it should be Guage if its a girl her name should be Ocean i think with all the weitd hollywood names that will do ….

  10. meatball says:
    February 25, 2006 at 10:14 am

    Name for the Cruise/Holmes baby?
    L. Ron Holmes-Cruise

  11. adrienne says:
    February 25, 2006 at 11:01 am

    i think if its a girl …. Kyleigh..and if its a boy Donovan or maybe … Traveer

  12. megan says:
    February 25, 2006 at 1:39 pm

    boy: Mickey
    girl:Minnie

  13. Anonymous says:
    February 25, 2006 at 2:36 pm

    they should name a girl samantha, and the boy chris

  14. matthewt says:
    February 25, 2006 at 3:23 pm

    Boy= Rick James (Bitch/1)
    Girl= Charlie Murphy (1 x 10^17/1)

  15. shay says:
    February 25, 2006 at 3:48 pm

    Boy Tyler Even Cruise/
    Girl Tyler Paris Cruise

  16. Anonymous says:
    February 25, 2006 at 7:29 pm

    ren & stimpy

  17. You'll never know says:
    February 25, 2006 at 8:20 pm

    Spongebob totally!

  18. Deborah says:
    February 25, 2006 at 11:53 pm

    Girl: Star Cruise; Boy: Chance Cruise

  19. Jackie says:
    February 26, 2006 at 12:11 am

    Oprah if its a girl
    After all it was on her show that he professed his undying love and made a total ass out of himself all at the same time…
    Then of course, if its a hermaphrodite they can use TomKat. It will cover all bases…. :o)

  20. christina says:
    February 26, 2006 at 2:42 am

    If it’s a boy joshua holmes cruise
    if it’s a girl brianna holmes cruise

  21. greg says:
    February 26, 2006 at 11:03 am

    Home Girl for girl
    Cruiser for boy

  22. Misty says:
    February 26, 2006 at 12:53 pm

    pinapple for a girl
    Slash Einsteine- for a boy
    i can totally see it!

  23. Deni says:
    February 26, 2006 at 1:42 pm

    I think a girl should be named Xanax and a boy should be named Paxil. Even if Mama Katie has NO post-partum issues (since Tom won’t ALLOW her to have any symptoms, much less treat them), the kids will grow up needing to know the names of these drugs, for their own sanity.

  24. mike says:
    February 26, 2006 at 4:50 pm

    Matthewt
    That shit is hilarious. man, i was laughing so hard. you are truly warped.
    thanks man, i havent laughed that hard in a coons age.
    mk

  25. Sanchez says:
    February 26, 2006 at 9:48 pm

    It’s pretty safe it’ll be L.

  26. doni says:
    February 26, 2006 at 10:56 pm

    I say that they should name the boy or girl Takoma. That is the first three letters of either of their names. Middle name should be a family name after a father/ mother or grandfather/ grandmother.

  27. Anonymous says:
    February 26, 2006 at 11:06 pm

    I think somehow the baby’s name will be a play on L.Ron Hubbard’s name. Maybe Linda Rhonda if it’s a girl? I don’t think it’s his baby at all!

  28. hootenanny says:
    February 27, 2006 at 12:35 am

    they should name it turdwithcorninit

  29. Tryan920 says:
    February 27, 2006 at 9:16 am

    Titanic Cruise for a boy
    Andrea Doria Cruis for a girl
    because lets face it this poor child is doomed

  30. Prestige says:
    March 3, 2006 at 8:14 pm

    Well, everyone in here have came up with very interesting names. So here goes nothing! Since it’s a boy, how about Dylan Holmes-Cruise, Science Holmes-Cruise, or Scientology Holmes-Cruise? My opinion doesn’t count, cause the final decision is up to the odd couple. Thanks again! MatthewT and Meatball, you guys are great. It’s on everybody.

Quote Unquotesee all »

It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?

So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.

I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.

So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.

But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”

My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher

“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.

~ David Simon