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David Poland

By David Poland

OH MY!!!!

If you have the chance, check out NBC’s The Poseidon Adventure.
WB should have bought it for $20 million just so no one would ever see it.
It is like the worst episode of The Love Boat ever made.
“Embarrassingly shitty crap” would be such a gross understatement.

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31 Responses to “OH MY!!!!”

  1. Joe Leydon says:

    Funnily enough, the Houston NBC affiliate delayed it until around midnight, so the station could broadcast the ESPN presentation of the Houston Texans football game. The Texans, of course, got their heads handed to them by the KC Chiefs. So, you see: One way or the other, local viewers got to see a disaster tonight.

  2. jeffmcm says:

    How did it happen that there are two near-simultaneous remakes? Is the Irwin Allen estate that greedy?

  3. Joe Leydon says:

    I may be wrong about this — and if I am, I’m sure I’ll be speedily corrected — but I suspect this is a situation where one group had the rights to film the book, and the other group had rights to remake the movie based on that book. I vaguely remember a similar thing ALMOST occurring back when Erich Segal wrote “Oliver’s Story,” the sequel to “Love Story.” Paramount had the rights to make its own sequel, while another group dickered for the rights to film a movie based on Segal’s book. Fortunately for all parties involved, things got sorted out before two movies got made.
    Come to think of it: Wasn’t Universal on the verge of making its own “King Kong” remake (a period version, at that) at the same time in the 1970s that Dino D. was filming the updated version with Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange?

  4. EDouglas says:

    That’s so weird…I saw a commercial for this and I just assumed it was NBC reshowing the *original* Poseidon Adventure, which seemed weird since they usually show that on AMC or some other cable channel. Hope it wasn’t so bad that it turns people off from seeing the WB movie…but I’m assuming few people watched it.

  5. White Label says:

    2 words: Steve Guttenberg.
    When I saw him on the cover of my tv listings, right there I knew it wasn’t going to be good.

  6. bicycle bob says:

    guttenberg is a god among men.

  7. Hopscotch says:

    Network movies of the week and mini-series used to be great, Lonesome Dove is literally one of my favorite films of all time. No joke. Today this crap is just sadly sad.
    I mean, clearly they know the action and effects for their movie will be so subpar to films and HBO that it’d be pointless to try it out. Oh well.

  8. Terence D says:

    I got a feeling that the feature remake will be better.

  9. Nicol D says:

    Steve Guttenberg,
    I always thought he got a bit of a bum rap. It seems like every now and then there are actors who the crix gain up on for no real reason. Chevy Chase was also a victim of this.
    I’ve known people that worked with Guttenberg and said nothing but decent things about him. That counts for something. Is he a great actor. No. But he gave me more than a few laughs and had quite a string of hits in the eighties. Police Academy 1-4, Cocoon, Three Men and a Baby.
    If you look at how we rate actors cumulative grosses now (ie. even a bit role in a blockbuster they don’t headline counts to their cumulative total) than Guttenberg headlined bigger grossing films in the eighties than most ‘bankable stars’ now.
    Glad to see he got work.

  10. BluStealer says:

    I don’t think anyone has a problem with Steve Guttenberg. My problem with him is he doesn’t work more often. Maybe he peaked in the 80’s and is living off his fortune. I am biased because I grew up in the same hometown as him. They even named a road after him. Guttenberg Way. And the pizza place where he used to work has all his movie posters up. Where else can you get a slice and see a poster for “The Big Green”?

  11. Hopscotch says:

    There are plenty of actors who are “nice” and “pleasant” but don’t get much work.
    there are plenty of lawyers who are smart and nice and don’t win as many cases as they’d like, get over it.
    Guttenberg gets paid plenty, and when you do four Police Academy movies you’ll get type cast.

  12. Bruce says:

    I love the Police Academy movies. I can watch them all day long. Even the crappy ones without Guttenberg.

  13. jeffmcm says:

    I don’t understand the Johnny Depp-noseless joke in today’s Hot Button. Anyone?

  14. Mark Ziegler says:

    There were rumors they were doing a new Police Academy movie with the original cast.

  15. The Premadator says:

    Speaking of “embarrasingly shitty”… did anybody read Variety today? Chris Tucker is the biggest shithead in the business — and the reason budgets skyrocket for no good reason. I hope the movie tanks.

  16. Angelus21 says:

    Why shouldn’t a guy like Tucker ask for what he wants and what his market value is? Why should he be taking paycuts? Let these execs and producers take a paycut for a change.

  17. The Premadator says:

    It makes me sick just thinking about it. Chris Tucker was on his way to a legendary career… great turns in Fifth Element, Jackie Brown. Then Rush Hour makes him a superstar… I’d argue with the juice to be another Eddie Murphy. Then the money freaks him out and bam, he becomes a merc. At least Marlon Brando and Jamie Foxx enjoyed the craft. His impossible demands tell us he really doesn’t want to act, and has no vision for a career. I say this because the man is a real talent, and to be so cowardly with his kind of potential is inexcusable.
    It would be easy to compare him to say Dave Chappelle who also was paralyzed because of the success, but in truth Tucker most resembles egomaniac Chevy Chase. Screw em I say.

  18. PandaBear says:

    You can’t compare Tucker and Chappelle. Only thing they have in common is they’re black and talented.
    And Tucker isn’t Brando so let’s chill with that. How many great movies and roles has Tucker had?

  19. JckNapier2 says:

    It’s a shame, because Tucker seems to have his heart in the right place, spend much of the last few years doing AIDS relief work in Africa (he found religion between Rush Hour 1 and 2, which explains the toning down of randy content and violence). Since I don’t subscribe to Variety, anyone either want to paste the article or explain the terms of the deal? Thanks.
    Scott Mendelson

  20. jeffmcm says:

    Better for Tucker to spend his $20million on AIDS relief than on bigger houses and more cars. I hope that’s true. No harm in him not wanting to have an acting career if he has higher priorities.

  21. Crow T Robot says:

    20 million against 20%. ROFL
    I’m sure Brendan Fraser would get that for a sequel to Mummy 2, a film that made tons more than Rush Hour 2 did way back in summer 2001.
    Right? Right? Right?

  22. jeffmcm says:

    Probably not, because the Rush Hour movies are all about Tucker and Chan, while the Mummy movies are just special effects extravaganzas where the performances are a lot less important.

  23. Crow T Robot says:

    So if Fraser also “found Jesus” (who’s apparently Tucker’s savior AND agent) and held out for more, you don’t think that with so much at stake, Universal wouldn’t crack?
    Especially if director Stephen Sommers, like Richard Donner in Lethal 4, had everyone else lined up and ready to go for Mum3?
    I don’t have an answer. But it’d be tough to pass. New Line’s decision today is a no brainer.

  24. JckNapier2 says:

    Actually, Mummy Returns made $201 million (opening weekend – $69 million), while Rush Hour 2 made $226 million (opening weekend – $66 million). As for the deal, it seems to be similar to the deal that they got for part II. I recall that Tucker got $20 million and no points, while Chan got $15 million and points (and thus made more money than Tucker). Having said that, it’s a good example of actors getting what they are worth relative to the project.
    Just as Fraiser got and deserved $12.5 million for Mummy Returns, Tucker and Chan are worth as much as they can get for this particular franchise. The problem comes if, say, Brendan Fraiser wanted and got that same $12 million for a low budget romantic drama. Actors need to realize that just because they get $X million for one type of project doesn’t mean they are worth it for every project.
    And, for that matter, pundits and number crunchers need to realize that not every film an actor makes can or should be compared to their biggest hit. It’s a silly concept that has Viggo Mortenson’s Hidalgo being considered a dissapointment because it ‘only’ opened to $18.5 million in the middle of March and ‘only’ grossed about $60 million purely on his name and a good trailer.
    Scott Mendelson

  25. Crow T Robot says:

    I was talking worldwide grosses on Mummy and Rush. But I’m flattered you researched my post.

  26. bicycle bob says:

    shouldn’t we be thankful hes not acting anymore so we don’t have to see another rush hour?

  27. jeffmcm says:

    What an odd thing to say given the last eleven posts.

  28. Mark Ziegler says:

    Is Rush Hour that big a hit that they’re getting this kind of dough?

  29. Stella's Boy says:

    I think the worldwide box office for both Rush Hours is pretty huge.

  30. Stella's Boy says:

    First one made $244 million worldwide, and the second made $347 million worldwide.

  31. PandaBear says:

    There is no accounting for taste.
    I think the bigger story is how desperate New Line is for another hit.

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It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?

So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.

I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.

So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.

But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”

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“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.

~ David Simon