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David Poland

By David Poland

"It's mine you hear? Mine ALL MINE Get back in there. Down Down Down! Go Go Go! MINE MINE MINE!!!"

The a-hack of vulgaries is on now, as the big summer movies start landing and like the Oscar season last year, more publications crush to enter the movie gossip landscape, desperate for attention.
Not nearly as desperate as a few of those already in the space, seeing their position as Leaders Of The Hack slowly usurped.
Anyone who was actually paying attention knew last summer that Spider-Man 3 and Pirates 3 were heading where Superman Returns had already landed

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26 Responses to “"It's mine you hear? Mine ALL MINE Get back in there. Down Down Down! Go Go Go! MINE MINE MINE!!!"”

  1. jeffmcm says:

    Journalism City News.

  2. Lota says:

    Most blogs are disinformation or just boring naval gazing.
    “This is a close-up?”
    “A close-up, you jerk! A close-up!”
    I love Daffy Duck. Almost as much as I love The Three Stooges.

  3. Hopscotch says:

    For other “gossipy” production news. You know “Bourne Ultimatum is still shooting PRINCIPAL with DAMON? Yikes.
    and a friend of mine confirmed with me from a friend of his that Evan is 88 minutes without the end credits. WOW!

  4. Lota says:

    you forgot to include the best Duck Amuck line Dave
    “Thanks for the sour persimmons, cousin.”

  5. MarkVH says:

    Dude, Daffy owns The Stooges.

  6. teambanzai says:

    The people behind Evan must be loving the current stories. A couple of months ago it looked like they were going to be the story. All that money and no real buzz about the film, except for the money spent. Now it will probably get lost amongst all the other “scoops”

  7. Hallick says:

    “None of this is new news.”
    Isn’t it just as big of an anti-scoop to point out that there are writers (I won’t give them the credit of being “journalists”) and publications and blogs out there that don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground? They move to a new level, faster and faster every year, in a geometrical, Ray Kurzweilian way.
    And name names! I want to know who the dipstick was that thought their article saved a television show. Which stupid show was it?

  8. MftM says:

    Man, that guy must’ve gotten one hell of a goody bag once the show got rescued.

  9. Hopscotch says:

    I actually think Evan will be a much bigger hit than most think, and does anyone else think the more you see of Transformers, the worse those designs look? and do not deny the power of Pixar. that’s a powerful brand these days.

  10. Hallick says:

    “and does anyone else think the more you see of Transformers, the worse those designs look?”
    To my eyes, they’re overdesigned and indistinct at the same time. I personally feel ZERO nostalgia when I see the clips. The movie looks very ho-hum. A big, napp- (nevermind…bad pun.)

  11. Hopscotch says:

    That full-body shot of Optimus Prime just looks…lame. I don’t know why I keep holding up hope for Michael Bay, has the guy really made a movie that isn’t just for 14 year olds?

  12. Lota says:

    Hopscotch…OMG. that’s insulting to any cognizant 14 yr old. Well a Cognizant at any age should be insulted by the short reach of a Bay movie. I would have been insulted in my crib (or frightened by the blowin’ shit up). The Island was the most mature he was able to get to, and it unraveled into silly & land of the improbable anyway–I had hope in the first 30 min.
    MarkVH. I am not a Dude, not entirely human either, but defintiely female.
    Daffy and the STooges both rock–the best of animated (next to Pepe le Pew) and live action Schmoes.
    I’d love to see what Moe would do with a Blog on Hollywood biz.

  13. LexG says:

    Bah, Bay-hate is pretty fucking cliched and tiresome. Kind of like the critic who REALLY thinks he’s Bob Woodward for shining a spotlight on GIGLI sucking. Or harping on Joel Schumacher for making a shitty comic book movie. It’s a tired, old, easy argument, not to mention an outdated one: You’re really gonna still harp on Bay, when seemingly half the directors who’ve followed, and even some old-school guys, have taken his lead and gone even further with it? He’s practically a classicist at this point. Just like Sir Ridley and Adrian Lyne and Alan Parker are considered old guard pros now, yet at the time they were dismissed for their MTV Euro-trash New Wave chic.
    Just face the facts: Bay depicts life as it should be: Good-looking people getting shit done, and doing it awesomely. Beautiful colors, beautiful people, beautiful cars, beautiful compositions. What do you want to see, some nancing British character actors with bad teeth dancing a jig around a bonfire while a flute plays in the background? Where other directors make movies for the fat goateed comic book losers (really, NO MAN SHOULD HAVE A GOATEE IN 2007), Bay makes movies for people who are fucking awesome. Even in the mostly off-putting THE ISLAND, ScaJo is lit like the hottest Yenta every to rock a track suit. Who doesn’t want to see that?

  14. Lota says:

    Adrian Lyne isn’t fit to change RIdley’s bed-pan (whenever in future he might need one). Comparing a prune to a Grand Cru wine grape really. Ridley, for his failings has produced some incredible landmark-quality cinema. Lyne. hasn’t.
    “really gonna still harp on Bay, when seemingly half the directors who’ve followed, and even some old-school guys, have taken his lead and gone even further with it? ”
    IF true, that would be one of the saddest things i’ve ever read about movie industry, ever. Talk about tunneling to China with a teaspoon.

  15. Ju-osh says:

    LexG, I hope you’re gay. Because if I turn gay so’s I can love you in every way that one can express love and you’re *not* gay…I’m gonna feel pretty foolish.
    I guess that what I’m trying to say (but could only get around to saying *after* masturbating myself to fruition while thinking of you) is that your post was AWESOME.

  16. Melquiades says:

    Hallick… that would be Roger Friedman talking about Law & Order.,2933,267803,00.html
    Google is awesome!

  17. Blackcloud says:

    “Oh, brother. Close sesame.”
    All these wonderful lines are from “Ali Baba Bunny.” I think someone above mentioned “Duck Amuck.” Also great, but not the inspiration of Dave’s rant.

  18. Joe Straat says:

    Eh, Michael Bay has mixed results for me. Bad Boys was a lot of fun, but Bad Boys II was so awful, it literally made me sick when I saw it in the theaters. Armageddon was stupid, but I always find myself watching it and enjoying the parts I do watch when I catch it on cable. Pearl Harbor was just plain bad. I enjoyed The Island even if I knew the set up deserved a better movie. Michael Bay isn’t the bottom of the barrel. That’s for the Kaos-es, the McGs, and if I bothered to watched his bullshit, the Uwe Bolls of the world. I’m more on a case-by-case basis with Bay.
    Transformers isn’t a movie I’d say I’m super-anxious to see, but I will see it. Right now I just want to see something that I can actually TALK ABOUT, good or bad. I’m walking out of “events” like 300 shrugging and about the only people I could have an energetic conversation with are the people who use the movie as a sort of “badass blackmail” where if you don’t like it, you’re not cool or manly, and why bother with that bullshit? But honestly, is even the stuff that people are coming out of with positive reactions like Fracture and Disturbia having more of a reaction than, “It was pretty good” or “It was disappointing?”

  19. Cadavra says:

    Daffy’s still hilarious. In an episode of DUCK DODGERS, Porky explains that an oxymoron is self-contradictory, like “jumbo shrimp” or “compassionate conservative.” Snaps Daffy: “Your attitude is killing us in the flyover states.”

  20. Lota says:

    the “close up” bit is from Duck Amuck. I just saw it and I checked it. : P All right wise guy?
    I avoid the contradictions by calling them jumbo prawns (and fluttering my eyelashes as a distraction). Fetch me some of those Dendrobranchiata sir!

  21. Rob says:

    I can’t sit through a Michael Bay movie. I’ve never seen a beautiful composition in any of them. Everything always looks so garish to me.

  22. bipedalist says:

    I REALLY can’t stand Roger Friedman either but I he does have a high profile because Drudge links to him every time he coughs.

  23. THX5334 says:

    If you think movies with absolutely no narrative to speak of and cinematography (if one can call it that)comprised of EVERYTHING shot through a yellow filter = “Beautiful Compositions”…
    Um, then yeah. Hmm..How do I say this?
    Put down the bad coke, Lex. Put down the bad coke and step away…NOW.

  24. jeffmcm says:

    “Just face the facts: Bay depicts life as it should be: Good-looking people getting shit done, and doing it awesomely. Beautiful colors, beautiful people, beautiful cars, beautiful compositions.”
    Typically when I want to see beautiful people getting things done, it ends with me carrying a black plastic bag out of a cheap video store.

  25. Richard Nash says:

    Complaining about hype? Makes one scracth his head when he sees that you make a living off pre hype, premarketing of movies. Everyone loves information. Especially about stars and huge films.
    And about TRANSFORMERS. I dont think you can find 5 people who know any of the names of the machines or know anything past the premise. That its robots who transform. Its not like Bays making Superman here. It was a crappy cartoon.

  26. I’d rather see a Michael Bay destruction flick than Superman Returns, that’s for sure.

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It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?

So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.

I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.

So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.

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My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher

“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.

~ David Simon