I Had Forgotten
Roger Ebert’s Glossary of Movie Terms, from his video companion, is recreated at this website. (Thanks to Rudy for causing me to look.) There are some great ones there…
Because They Are There
The top ten lines you can always count on in a mountain-climbing movie:
1. “We have to move fast. We’ve started late in the season. But if we leave behind the oxygen and most of our equipment and travel light, we can get up there and back before the winter storms.”
2. “I know they’re still alive.”
3. “Leave me here. I can’t walk. My legs are broken. By yourself, you have a chance.”
4. “Just let me do this one last climb. Then I’ll settle down with you and the baby.”
5. “Tell them they’ll get an extra 50 rupees a day, at the end, if they complete this part of the march.”
6. “Sahib! The fresh snow has covered up the crevices! The men say they will go no further today!”
7. “Every previous expedition along this route has had trouble with the porters.”
8. “I’d trust him on the other end of my rope.”
9. “Take me along. You know I’m a better climber than those guys.”
10. “Because it’s there.”
Deadly Change-of-Heart
When the cold heart of a villain softens and he turns into a good guy, the plot will quickly require him to be killed, usually after maudlin final words.
Hollywood Grocery Bags
Whenever a scared, cynical woman who never wants to fall in love again is pursued by an ardent suitor who wants to tear her wall of loneliness, she will go grocery shopping. The bags will always break to (1) symbolize the mess her life is in, or (2) so that the suitor can help her pick up the pieces of her life and her oranges.
Hollywood Hospital
Where people go to die. Victim checks in, doesn’t check out, because screen time is too valuable for characters to go into the hospital only to recover a few scenes later. Dialogue clue: When any seemingly able-bodied character uses the word “doctor,” especially in a telephone conversation not intended to be overheard, he/she will be dead before the end of the film.
Wet Road Rule
Any road seen in a film, no matter how hot or dry the day has been, will be wet, slick, and reflecting headlights after nightfall. This is most commonly seen in deserts and draught-stricken cities like Los Angeles.
Somebody once told me that the wet road thing isn’t mere cliched laziness. It’s actually used because more light bounces off the wet surface, especially in night scenes.
I’m sure somebody around here with more knowledge of cinematography than myself can say if that’s true or false.
Yes, cinematographers like to wet down streets to make them look more interesting.
I didn’t just mean it was visually appealling, but rather that it’s a method to get enough light through the aperture to film in the environment. (If it was merely about the aesthetics, it would rightly have been jettisoned as cliche by now.)
No, this was never used for purposes of basic exposure, which wouldn’t have worked anyway, it was always purely for the effect of the sheen…and obviously it hasn’t been jettisoned.
Alrighty. As I said, I could be wrong. Just wasn’t sure if I had explained it clearly in the first place.
A person with a wet street behind them will stand out more clearly from that background than if it was dry, but you don’t need it to see them in the first place.
Would be quite a worthy achievement if someone put together a website where movies could be rated by how many cliches they contain. The site could be similar to CAP’s, and Ebert’s glossary would serve as the rulebook. Filmbuffs with too much time on their hands would gleefully pore over every frame to count the violations, but in cases where debate heats up to the point where knives are drawn then perhaps a real critic could be consulted to break the deadlock.
(After looking at the capalert.com website I was pleasantly surprised to see that viewing ANCHORMAN is considered more damaging to your Christian soul than seeing AMERICAN BEAUTY or BLACK MASK.)
Those are great. I’ve got a TV one. If a notable actor, like Matthew Modine or someone like that, guest stars on a crime show, they are always the killer/molestor. Always.
“Deadly Change-of-Heart
When the cold heart of a villain softens and he turns into a good guy, the plot will quickly require him to be killed, usually after maudlin final words.”
Spider. Man. 3.
To add to the grocery bag one, anytime anyone goes grocery shopping and get brown paper bags they always buy a french stick so the audience knows there are actually things inside it.
Bipedalist:
Law of Economy of Characters
Movie budgets make it impossible for any film to contain unnecessary characters. Therefore, all characters in a movie are necessary to the story
The Law of Economy of Characters is so true. It can really ruin a movie when you’re looking out for it.
I remember seeing Kiss the Girls a few years ago, and I guessed the killer during the opening credits. I thought to myself, “I didn’t know he was in this. He’s too big a star for just a supporting role. He must be the killer.” And I was right.
My thanks to RudyV for mentioning capalert.com to me. Found it immenseful amusing (still laughing at the reviews of Anna and the King). Do people really take these reviews seriously?
“Those are great. I’ve got a TV one. If a notable actor, like Matthew Modine or someone like that, guest stars on a crime show, they are always the killer/molestor. Always.”
No, noooo…come on now. What about Robin Williams on “Homicide”? David Keith on “Law and Order:SVU”? Leslie Nielsen on “Due South”? There are “always” exceptions.
The corollary to the hospital rule is that if any character in a movie has a cough, they will be dead by the end, as a cough is always the first sign of a terminal disease.
That one IS true for every single case. They’re not just gonna give the main character a cold for no reason.
I remember seeing Finding Neverland (unfortunately) and when Kate Winslet coughed I went to my friend “She coughed, she’s gonna die”. Next thing you know she’s terminally ill.
I’d like to see a movie that really makes a point of avoiding these clich
The Deadly Cough cliche (that ain’t the official title, I’m sure) dates back to Victorian novels! And just like now, if a character coughed in the first chapter you knew they’d be dead by the end.