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David Poland

By David Poland poland@moviecitynews.com

Losing A Parent

A good friend lost her mom today.
This is not the first time someone close to me has lost a parent in recent years. We are at that age, me and my friends. And there is never a good answer to that loss.
The three seminal events of our adult lives, before old age, are marriage, the birth (or adoption) of a child, and the loss of a parent. Life changes… and we never seem to know how until it happens.
The 10th anniversary of my dad’s passing is a few weeks away. I still miss him every day. And there is a real chance that there would be no Hot Blog or Hot Button had I not lost him all those years ago. It was less than 2 months after his death that I decided I was going to do a daily column, no matter whether there was any money to pay me for it or appreciation of it in some of my circles. This decade of work has been, in no small part, a tribute to his spirit.
I’m spending much of this evening reflecting on my friend’s loss and the future, the inevitable future, that will soon spread out ahead of her. Breathe deep.

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10 Responses to “Losing A Parent”

  1. Noah says:

    My thoughts are with you and your friend, David. Stay strong, take care of yourself.

  2. Jeffrey Boam's Doctor says:

    10th Anniversary this week of my mother’s death as well DP.
    Friends dropping like flies to cancer this year as well.
    Been quite a shit one as years go.
    Let’s drink to the dead.
    Amen.

  3. Condolences to you and your friend, David.

  4. Lota says:

    COndolences Dave & to your friend. It hasn;t happened to me yet but it terrifies me.
    I don;t know what’s in the environment this past year but cousins, friends and friends’ kids are getting cancer, my best friend’s 2 year old. Obscene. And we still can;t do real Stem cell harvesting in the USA.

  5. bipedalist says:

    There is a horrible panic that runs through you when you become a parent and that’s having to die one day and knowing how hard it will be on your kids. I used to fear death before I had another’s life in my hands. But now, I want to be here as long as possible.
    I know what it will mean when I finally do go and how painful it will be. I even silently practice what I am going to tell my child when the time is near (that is, anticipating I will have the opportunity) and what I would say is this: The loss of someone you love like that never goes away. It’s going to hurt for a long time. It will hurt like you can’t believe. You will get angry at me, you will miss me, you will wish I was around to mark the big moments with you. In a weird sort of way, I am still here. I will never completely go away. But one day, the pain won’t be so unbearable. And feeling better doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten me. It just means that time has helped you to live your life better. And that’s what I want most for you.
    So there you go, the world’s most depressing speech, practiced in my head. I hope your friend’s mom got to say something similar to help ease the agony. šŸ™
    This is why people join cults. Somebody pass me a dixie cup of Kool-Aid.

  6. Hang in there Dave and JBD…

  7. Joe Leydon says:

    My condolences to you and your friend, David. Once again, I reminded of something Francois Truffaut wrote: “Each year we have to cross out names from our address book, and a moment comes when we realize we know more dead people than living.”

  8. David Poland says:

    Thanks to all… for me and JBD… and more importantly today, for my friend…

  9. cjKennedy says:

    I skipped the marriage and birth part and went right to the dying parents part 13 years ago. Even if it had happened in the proscribed order, nothing can really prepare you for it and I still feel aftershocks of it to this day.
    Over the years I’ve consoled myself with the fact that it’s a part of life for most people and for what it’s worth, it’s less tragic than a parent losing a child. I also like to remind myself that some people are not lucky enough to have parents worth missing. I did and for that I’m greatful.
    It’s inspiring David to hear that you were able to take a bad and channel it into a positive. I’m still working on that part all these years later.

  10. cjKennedy says:

    Wow, that was way more about me than I originally intended. I got all worked up with the preface and dropped the ball before the original point which was condolences for your friend, you and anyone who has been through it.

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