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David Poland

By David Poland

Lunch With… The Oscar Winners

Javier Bardem
Marion Cotillard
Tilda Swinton
Alex Gibney

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23 Responses to “Lunch With… The Oscar Winners”

  1. IOIOIOI says:

    These four people contributed to the lowest rated Oscars in history. Let us all honour them with a resounding; “THE MID-WEST THINKS THIS SUCKS! THE MID-WEST THINKS THIS SUCKS! THE MID-WEST THINKS THIS SUCKS!” When quality means less than quanity. Someone out there better figure out a way to get the people interested in this award show again.

  2. Jesus Christ, stop typing everything as if you’re screaming! You’ll pop a vein soon enough with the amount of anger you seem to have inside you.

  3. IOIOIOI says:

    Camel; you really do not know jack and shit about. Nor do you seem to get that it’s satire. You silly silly little freakin man. That’s the thing with you people. You are seemingly are that serious, and I really could care less about being as serious as you. So go outside, breathe in that Summer air, and enjoy living in Australia.

  4. IOIOIOI says:

    Good lord. I really needed to proof read that freakin paragraph. Let me sum up: I am being silly, you guys are seldom silly, and Australia is a rather pretty place. There you go.

  5. LexG says:

    IO, good advice for Kamikaze; Dude seriously needs to step away from the keyboard and enjoy the JINDABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYNE whatever the fuck that is once in a while. Homeboy plays the same NO CAPS, NO CAPS shit with me, AS IF THE INTERNET is fucking REAL or something.
    I type in caps for emphasis or to be funny or for satirical reasons. Anyone who’s really that NET-DRENCHED that the sight of CAPTIAL LETTERS makes them squirm is truly an edgeless douchebag.
    Maybe you can use some UP AND DOWN arrows before and after your posts and make him dizzy.
    IT’S THE INTERNET, DOUCHE, NOT REAL LIFE. Capital letters and just capital letters.
    Now get outs the house, Gallipoli-boy.

  6. LexG says:

    I have a deadly serious question for Poland that I KNOW homeboy will never fucking answer.
    After you interview these hot celeb chicks, do you go home and punch the clown?
    I probably would, and I gotta figure Poland’s even more fameworshippy than I.

  7. jeffmcm says:

    The mistake you guys make is not being funny.

  8. LexG says:

    Who’s always so reliably hilarious.
    I’ve performed at:
    Comedy Store
    Laugh Factory
    M Bar
    The open mic night at the laundromat in Silverlake
    LA Connection
    LA Cabaret
    various coffesshouse
    where’s your comedy resume, McDouche?

  9. jeffmcm says:

    And did you get invited back to any of these?

  10. LexG says:

    Every week. Well, not anymore. I quite standup in 05. Comedy is lame anyway.
    I wanted to be CRUISE, not Ray Romano.

  11. Noah says:

    This thread makes me sad.

  12. IOIOIOI says:

    Noah… you just need to relax, lean back, and think of a Deschanel sister.

  13. swordandpen says:

    To quote Rip Torn from “Dodgeball”, reading this thread is like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob.
    Nothing more pathetic than unfunny people who think they are funny.

  14. IO and LexG the type of humour to claim to be fluent in doesn’t translate when written. And you’ve been doing the saaame schtick (“being silly”) for far too long and every single thing you type is done the same way.
    LexG, did you mean the film Jindabyne? Because if you did, maybe you should actually go hire it out and watch it instead of being ignorant about it. Oh, and “Gallipoli-boy”? Can I call you “Pearl Harbor-boy”? Or what about “Iwo Jima-boy”? Or any other hilarious war-themed nicknames? Christ…

  15. christian says:

    People who still use the word “douchebag” as a taunt are in fact, douchebags.
    Okay, next up at Buzz Coffee we have…LEXG!!!!!!!

  16. LexG says:

    Christian, anyone who doesn’t like Big Brother or Paris Hilton is a straight-up megadouche, so bone out.

  17. christian says:

    Thanks Lex, I’m going to use that as my standard goodbye from now on.
    “See you later, Christian.”
    “Bone out.”

  18. Cadavra says:

    Well, the reason……oh, fuck it. You whiny-ass children aren’t worth responding to.

  19. THX5334 says:

    Paris Hilton?? QUEEN OF THE VALTREX CLUB???
    Are you serious???
    Lex, put down the fucking bottle right now.
    God, I think with your Paul Walker fascination and Paris Hilton fantasies, you must be 14. Seriously.
    Or at least still a virgin.
    Any guy that’s been laid knows he can shoot better than Paris.
    Go fuck her Lex, anybody can. And then enjoy the itchies for the rest of your life…
    God, go to a meeting, go take a class at Improv Olympic and then come back and try again.

  20. LexG says:

    I’m 34, homes.
    And something tells me I don’t need “meetings” for my two-nights-a-week beer “habit.”
    Anyway, back on topic:
    Brolin OWNS.

  21. brack says:

    Why are IO and LexG the only ones hip to “insult comedy?”

  22. THX5334 says:

    I’m not saying you’re an Alki Lex, but I am going to pull a JeffMCM and correct you on your definition of an Alcoholic.
    An Alcoholic as defined by AA is not determined by how OFTEN one drinks, but how they are when they drink.
    Meaning: You could drink 1 martini every day at 5pm, but if you never have a second, it’s hard to call you an Alcoholic.
    Conversely, you could drink once a year to a blackout.
    Which one is the Alcoholic?
    But I say there’s no fucking way you’re hitting it two nights a week if you’re hot for Paris and you think Paul Walker is a Pimp..
    You’ve got to be mainlining whiskey with that kind of judgement..
    Oh Lex, I’m playing. You’re one of my favorite reads here. Seriously, you’re only 34? Why do you cry like a little bitch all the time and act like you’ve got no talent and you’ve missed the window on a career as a performer?
    It ain’t the NFL bro.
    Now wipe your tears and go to Improv Olympic.
    Everybody out of that place is booking.
    And hey, they have a bar!!

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It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?

So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.

I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.

So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.

But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”

My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher

“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.

~ David Simon