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David Poland

By David Poland poland@moviecitynews.com

Waiting for Jewface

Manohla Dargis has given us a new word, not just for the critics’ lexicon, but for the world.
Jewface.
And here, a rare image from the reshoots of Valkyrie. DreamWorks has come in with Red Hour Films to reconceive the project. Lee Frost replaced Bryan Singer as director and Wes Bishop was there to re-write. The new title… The Man With Jew Heads or The Nazi Wore Jewface .
tomjew3.jpg
The tender comedy about the Nazi and the Jew Movie Producer he has sown to his body in order to keep him alive stars Tom Cruise as The Nazi, Tom Cruise as Jewface, and in a new hillarious side character, Ben Stiller as Dr. Hank Mengele, the slippery fingered, 1/16th-Jewish surgeon who is endlessly mistaken for his more famous, more talented brother.
Tag Line – “Is He Or Isn’t He? Only His Experimenting Nazi Surgeon Knows!”
Let the heeeeeeb-larity begin!

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10 Responses to “Waiting for Jewface”

  1. lazarus says:

    Oy vey.

  2. mutinyco says:

    You know, I was having lunch with some guys from NBC, so I said, ‘Did you eat yet or what?’ And Tom Christie said, ‘No, JEW?’ Not ‘Did you?’…JEW eat? JEW? You get it? JEW eat?

  3. IOIOIOI says:

    Yeah; that’s bad stuff. I may be wrong, but this may originate with Jamie Pressley. Who told Howard Stern like 9 years ago that he was “slapped with a yamaka.” Thus starting the whole “JEW FACE” thing. Nevertheless; people are fucking weird. Let’s leave it there.

  4. Joe Leydon says:

    Well, the original title for Steven Seagal’s Marked for Death was Screwface, so…

  5. yancyskancy says:

    And let’s not forget The Tick’s “Chairface.”

  6. christian says:

    Me no get.

  7. Cadavra says:

    Reminding me of the ancient Bill Dana/Jose Jimenez routine:
    “I learn about money from Jews.”
    “You learned about money from Jews??”
    “Yes. Joward Jews.”

  8. Rothchild says:

    This is a perfect example of why not everyone who thinks they’re funny is actually funny.

  9. movielocke says:

    jewface was floating around the USC and/or LA improv scene eight years ago, hardly her invention. it even has an entry in urban dictionary.

  10. RudyV says:

    Rothchild, just watch Zoolander’s deleted scenes with Stiller’s commentary on to hear how everyone behind the cameras loved these bits, BUT NO ONE ELSE DID. And I’m still wondering how much is joke and how much is real about the ending of Dodgeball–Stiller et al supposedly wanted the Average Joes to lose?!?

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It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?

So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.

I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.

So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.

But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”

My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher

“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.

~ David Simon