In Praise Of Megan Fox… by Larry Gross
Larry Gross writes in…
“If you, like me, are anguished by events in Gaza, wracked with anxiety about the world’s economic future, and disconcerted by the speedily imminent disappearance of print journalism (can printed books be far behind as the next casualty?), then you might be looking for some relief and a reason to feel good. I’ve found one.
If you’re near a computer screen (and when are you not?) click on the video of a Golden Globes red carpet interview with Megan Fox. It will make your life better I swear.
If you can’t get there I will share three indelible moments. (‘Megan Moments’, I feel a brand being born perhaps)
She’s complimented on her appearance. She says “I’m feeling like Alan Alda’s doppleganger…I’m a man…I’m a tranny.” While you’re sucking in your breath about your entirely proper not to say effective pronunciation/use of the term ‘doppleganger’, she is complimented on her slimness. She quietly admits with quiet pride to having a 22 inch waist, but this comes with a simple unadorned explanation: “I starve myself.”
At this point, the E Entertainment doofus questioning her is starting to have a meltdown because this level of unrhetorical simple intelligence and honesty is simply behind her ken.
Finally, Ms. Fox is asked about the whereabouts of her musician-boyfriend (I forget his name, I didn’t recognize it, but after this I’m going to run out and buy all his albums). She replies mildly “He’s not here. This’d bore him. He’s home probably working. ” Then she quickly adds “Plus he doesn’t want to be Mrs. Megan Fox. He has an ego. He’s a man.” And I’m thinking some kind of a man if he’s man enough to be handling Megan Fox on an everyday basis.
So to quote the language of your Hot Blog fanboys “MEGAN FOX RULES, ROCKS, OWNS,” etc, only those phrases don’t even begin to say it.
Now consider this: Michael Bay may have made a serious contribution to the quality of American culture by bringing Megan Fox to the attention of audiences in TRANSFORMERS. I’m so not kidding.
Is life seriously weird or what?
A little while after I composed the above I’m clicking on your link to the Daily Telagraph’s piece on Slumdog as the first film of the Obama era. I notice in the corner, a photo collection offered from the Globes. They seem to start by emphasizing star tattoos. Angelina has something unreadable. I click again. It’s Megan Fox! (I’m not stalking this woman, I swear, I’m happily married, I swear!) Her tatoo near her right shoulder blade, reads, (I think) “We will laugh at gilded butterflies.”
I rest my case.”
Holy shit, did I just receive a semi-shout-out from LARRY GROSS? Considering 48HRS. is one of my favorite movies, and ANOTHER 48HRS is an underrated obsession of mine… Damn. I didn’t think anything could top being compared to Wells this week for being a personal badge of honor.
Anyway, this was of course hilarious. Guilliana DePandi is clearly a shred of irony or awareness; Anyone else remember how cool and fun E! used to be, between Kinnear and Stern and Henson, etc.? Now it’s like the TMZ Channel, minus Levin’s plastic coffee thermos and the surfer dude who talks up all the hot chicks.
The thought of the sage, erudite scribe Larry Gross paraphrasing LexG does makes the mind boggle…
1) WATCH THE SOUP! One of the most hilarious shows on TV!
2) Say it with me now Jeff and every Lex hater; “LEX FUCKING OWNS!”
This and the previous post by DP help answer an age old question. Why is The Hot Blog patronised by a near exclusive (estimates of 99%) male readership?
The answer lies within the two Megan Fox posts.
When LexG fawns over some hot squack and proudly proclaims his adoration, most do the expected roll of eyes and a maybe throw a groan in or two. When DP and his fellow OLD lechers offer the same drool, it really casts a pall over the entire blog. Add to this DPs previous creepy obsession with other YOUNG starlets and you really have to wonder about the inherent sexism present on this site. Hey I drop locker room bombs here and there, guilty as charged, but I’m never sexist. And I’m not the big boss around here setting the tone either. Ask why LexG continues – these two Megan Fox posts are your answer. Being a woman on the Hot Blog must sometimes feel like being sandwiched between paul shore and rob schneider in Hefs unfiltered jacuzzi.
Wow an actress speaks with humour and refreshing candor. She’s like a human being. She’s like us witty guys. Amazing. I used to just want to jerk off to Megan Fox, now I wouldn’t mind jerking off and talking to her while doing it.
Grow up boys. Maybe women would come play here more often if the Captain didn’t come on like some leering uncle wanting to fiddle their bits.
ps – Depandi is a smart and funny woman also. She can riff off the cuff when required. Calling her an E-Bot Dave just reinforces my opinion of how sleazy this blog comes off.
I honestly feel that its condescending and frat like.
Well, to be honest, Poland is a man so he can’t be expected to donate entries waxing lyrical about Hugh Jackman’s perfect chest, can he? Hmm no.
And, Lex, for what’s it worth it sounds like he’s being condescending towards you.
you mean, this megan fox stuff isn’t a joke?there’s no tongue in the cheek? crikey!
Honestly, JBD. A little heavy on the drama there.
And I’m sure Ms Dipandi is very smart at something. Until she shows it on camera, she is Ben Lyons in a dress without the irritating smugness.
Frat like?
Oy.
This is her “musician” boyfriend: http://www.amazon.com/One-Stop-Carnival-Brian-Green/dp/B000002ATQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1231938647&sr=1-1
He’s a little bit better than K-Fed. MF definitely sounds like she’s the prettier sister of Diablo Cody. Maybe they could each donate one tit to each other. Do you think they bonded over tatoos? I always wondered what was going on with Fox’s voice, now I know, she’s a man.
yep.. there you go, that’s why i like her.
When Shia Labeouf or Paul Walker gives an incredibly entertaining, genuinely subtle smack down of the tabloid interview styling, I’ll applaud it just as much. Yes, Fox is an attractive young woman, but that’s not why this is fun to watch.
And, yes, tragically, it is too subtle. There is a link to said video on Huff Post, with over 200 comments. I glanced at the first few pages, and almost no one got the joke. They all assume she is desperately insecure, rude, not used to the red carpet, etc. They take the entire thing at face value.
Read it and weep – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/13/megan-fox-im-a-man-video_n_157488.html
The proper response would be to hate her. She’d really appreciate it if you hated her.
I have no horses in this race but I do kinda love that, while Fox is wearing that King Lear quote, she is, essentially, doing just what it suggests.
“And I’m sure Ms Dipandi is very smart at something. Until she shows it on camera, she is Ben Lyons in a dress without the irritating smugness.”
What, are you an obsessive E! watcher? How do you know she hasn’t shown an intelligent side on camera?
I’m on the fence about whether there is sexism at play (although it has crossed the line into degradation). The degree to which some have shown surprise that Megan Fox might be intelligent is more a reflection on their own intelligence.
I’d argue that if Shia Lebeouf or Paul Walker was able to subtly skewer the whole tabloid style interview process without batting an eye, that I’d be just as amused. While Megan Fox may be an attractive young woman, that’s not what makes this clip entertaining.
Alas, it seems, she was too subtle. The Huff Post linked to the video, with over 220 comments following. At a glance, almost no one got the joke. They all either thought she had low self-esteem, was unsure of herself, or just caught off guard by the spot light of fame. They took everything she said at complete face value.
Ok maybe a little heavy. But DP, come on, two entries about a couple of lines from an actress with fake boobs? The second entry seemed like it was just there to justify the first one in a “see see.. I’m not the only older guy who found her hot” way.
I must admit DiPandi has changed since she married that Apprentice cad. She used to be much looser and funnier. She didn’t roll with Fox that well. True.
Mendelson, yep, I’ve seen this clip linked on several other blogs and fanboy message boards, and they didn’t seem to get it either– dozens of posts from clueless guys asking how such a beautiful woman could have such low self-esteem.
She couldn’t care less, she calculated and won, probably practiced for days.
Let me put it another way. The only thing more funny than people not getting the joke is someone thinking she’s spontaneous. You know she’s “acting” instead of being “herself” because she wouldn’t look “into” the camera, so it might be her best acting to date, but the clip has been taken down, so you can’t check it out.
This is so sad. Like high school sad. Beyond even.
You got it, T Holly – they fell for it, hook, line and sinker. Trust me, the girl knows what she’s got. She stole Diablo Cody’s schtick but because she’s got a 22 inch waist nobody attacks her, lol. It’s high school.
You know, I’m not sure there is something more than “face-value” here. Is she supposed to be ironic? I appreciate the self-irony and quick wit, but she is still espousing a gender-role induced self loathing.
And as for the “joke” about Brian Austin Green, I’m not sure whether it’s a joke or not. I’m inclined to believe it’s not, both because it’s freakin’ Brian Austin Green and because she’s dating freaking Brian Austin Green.
I mean, I can see how you guys, and Gross can appreciate her being “down-to-earth”, but could that be inexperience, rather than intelligence.
(I should clarify that she does sound intelligent, but I think a lot of celebrities who probably are intelligent don’t act so on camera.)
Well almost. She knows what she has isn’t enough, so she compensates, and that makes her smart, like a man, but it’s not really about being male or female; it’s about deliberation and inspiration. What does “behind her ken” mean?
oh for fucks sake this is the lamest hot blog topic ever. if fox is considered a down-to-earth, intelligent, witty young woman, the future is indeed bleak
Loco, of course both she and BAG are stuck up creeps, and Leah, this is not down under, it’s petrified holly wood, so being “down to earth,” IZZ being “above it all.”
ALL CAPS and no caps, the Yin and the Yang of the Hot Blog, LexG and leahnz are the only two commenters with whom I fondly desire to get a beer or twelve.
I know it’s late, but Happy New Year, yallz!!!
Anyone else just impressed that she knows who the hell Alan Alda is? I didn’t realize Mash reruns were still on in the Valley.
MEGAN FOX.
I wonder if she would be interested in reading TOTAL OWNAGE, maybe she and B.A.G. could help me push it through and be like Keitel helping Q.T. get RESERVOIR DOGS made. Green would OWN on the big screen and Fox gives the public what it wants.
I like incidents like this where people just go into a mundane situation that they have contempt for, and go out of their way to act in an unexpected and abstract way. In many ways, she is paying homage, if perhaps inadvertantly, to the sensibilities of Phillippe Petit in her nonlinear approach and disdain for squares.
I also have to point out that this is a pristine example of someone (DiPandi) getting OWNED.
She can’t read something that hasn’t been written, Lex.
(still sucky)
Can you go back to being my hype man, as you were for three inexplicable weeks straight?
Figures the week I’m trying to behave and get back in good graces, I’ve got Dave making MULTIPLE Megan Fox threads AND McD riding my bozack again. It’s like a test or something.
I don’t know what you mean by ‘three inexplicable weeks’.
My Lex policy is, reward the good stuff and berate the bad stuff, so I think I’m at least consistent.
Dang, Jeff, what do you want from Lex? The only caps in that post were Fox’s name, two titles and a single OWN. And he referenced Philippe Petit! 🙂
Jeff: there’s a totally new policy around. It’s called; “FUCK UP JEFF AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.” SO you heinous little ginger dweeb. Watch yourself. We are watching you. So try to comb your hair occassionally. You scraggily bastid!
“Ginger dweeb”? “Comb your hair”? If you want to insult me, can you at least come up with some insults that have some bearing on reality?
Jeff: you always miss the point. You are definitely a double-in/double-out type of guy.
Well, I don’t know what that means either, so you get a clean sweep for tonight.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could actually understood each other? I think so.
Pardon the crappy grammar there.
I agree with most of what JBD says, even though i don;t know or agree that dave necesarily precipitates it (except for his brief foray in over-interest in jessica alba…interest in rachel mcAdams was partially justified as she is a good younger actress but better than anne hathaway or nathalie portman? Dunno bout that.). The Poland most influential/important current H-wood stars in terms of butts on seats needs to be redone. That was a fun discussion, eons ago.
i just think adult males are more inclined to be geeks that post on blogs about stupid shit. I am a geek who rather draw a cartoon than post on a blog, usually. but i read blogs often.
megan fox…i just don;t get the interest in any way. i guess i rather listen to her talk than michael bay, but only just.
back to work.
not david bordwell, i’ll have twelve beers with ya any day
There is no such thing as “over-interest” in Jessica Alba.
After G.W.B. and Tom Cruise, she is the greatest American ever.
That comment alone should get you banned from the planet Earth.
Why? Because it’s obviously untrue!!!!
Know something that’s upsetting? I am almost *exactly* the same age as BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN, and he’s been in front of a camera for TWENTY YEARS, a semi-successful rapper, well-known actor, and banger of hot chicks almost that entire time. And he was in a TONY SCOTT MOVIE.
I was like going to college and shit WASTING MY TIME when this dude was RAPPING and probably TOSSING CELEBRITY SALADS.
Brian Austin Green is a GOD.
LexG brings up something I can somewhat relate to…
Similar thoughts have crossed my mind, especially when I still watched young-skewing award shows like the MTV Movie Awards. I graduated from high school in 1999, then I went to college (film theory/criticism, go figure…) until July 2003. After that I spent a year back home because I got a decent job offer from a local Boys & Girls Club for the year, where I had been moonlighting during semester breaks and summers (I often joked that I was the only college graduate who moved back in with my parents because I found a job).
Point being, I didn’t move out here till November 2004, when I was 24, almost 25, which is seemingly almost ancient by today’s standards. I often wonder if I somehow cheated myself by ‘doing it right’ and going to college first. I had the financial means to survive out in LA when I was 19, so I do wonder what would have happened had I made a more risky choice.
I’ve dabbled in stuff since I moved out here (voice over, improv theater, etc) but my adult life really hasn’t afforded me the time to truly plunge into one entertainment vocation or another (it’s the networking part that’s the killer).
So yes, it is sometimes a little unnerving to see people who are my age that not only have succeeded in the industry that I so badly wanted to enter, but who did it by starting at an obscenely young age. That’s certainly not the only reason I’m not rich and famous right now (domestic bliss aside, getting married and having a daughter didn’t help), but it does sometimes feel like I was ‘punished’ for going to college and making smart choices rather than risky ones (to the extent that majoring in ‘film theory/criticism’ was a smart choice). I know the statistics on success out here are tiny, so there’s no reason to assume that I would have instantly struck gold had I moved out here as a 19 year old high-school graduate, but I do wonder on occasion.
Having said that, slight digression, if one is happily married, what is really the point of being famous? Does anyone (especially men)really want to be famous for any reason other than getting a lot of sex?
Random thoughts.
Scott Mendelson
It’s so sad. It’s high school. Clearly Diablo Cody gave her the Alan Alda joke – and with her it would be funny and apt. On Megan Fox it just looks like she borrowed Diablo’s coat. I thought LexG was bumped. He’s back? Did I miss the mea culpa email from Poland, the “I’ll give you one more chance you drunken bastard?”
Brian Austin Green may have hit it big at an early age, but he was also considered over an a joke at an early age. And that’s the thing, so many people start young and then are finished early, and the only place left to go is some reality show about trying to find a wife or some shit.
“After G.W.B. and Tom Cruise, she is the greatest American ever.”
I was wrong. Ban the motherfucker.
“You got it, T Holly – they fell for it, hook, line and sinker. Trust me, the girl knows what she’s got. She stole Diablo Cody’s schtick but because she’s got a 22 inch waist nobody attacks her, lol. It’s high school. ”
Yep, very High School.
What’s funny, is you and T.Holly fit right into that as well. While the one group of kids is fawning over how smart she is, the other kids, likely the emo/goth socially disaffected one, stand off to the side, saying “What fools, they fell for it”.
Very high school.
That’s ok, I’m familiar with underinformed amused hunters and the toxic effect of muses putting them in their dog kennels like gilded butterflies. I don’t want Megan Fox to kiss and make up with Guilliana DiPandi anytime soon.
“toxic effect of muses putting them in their dog kennels like gilded butterflies”
Silence.
Scott, Boam’s doctor thinks not enough young ones are going into trades, like plumbing, but I think the situation he alludes to is somewhat self correcting because fewer films are going to get made and they won’t need as many people covering them. Maybe? Anywho, I don’t think he’s reading 10 Days of Sundance.
And I wrote my inspired prose to arouse an explanation to the answer, what is “simply behind her ken?”
Since this seems to be the only sandbox to play in for those not deeply interested in Sundanciana…
LexG remains a valued commenter on the Hot Blog for two reasons: First, even his shtick can elicit amused regard from the likes of Larry Gross, and the musings above from Scott Mendelson. Second, even in a soul-crushing “post-post-post” job, he’s part of the industry… and whatever else you can say about Dave Poland, he deeply, foolishly, obviously loves The Industry, and to me it’s apparent that his long defenses of LexG’s presence here have nothing to do with free speech or this fucked-up new medium that gives us all a forum that we never had before. It’s because he can’t countenance snuffing out even the least significant cog in this thing that he cherishes so much.
Truth is, the “LexG Haterz Club” comments are just as stale and for my money, far more annoying than LexG’s drunkest, angriest rants. No sooner does D-Po call you all out for the “holier than Lex” routine, than the “he’s useless — now we can back to our superior wit and insightful conversation” comments appear. And as soon as LexG make his comeback, here’s the usual suspects playing their usual roles, as if “World’s Most Sophisticated Troll” is anything to aspire to. I swear to God, jeffmcm, if this were the Middle Ages, you’d make your living as the guy who pokes the bear with the stick. But guess what? WE ALL COME TO SEE THE BEAR.
Yes, LexG is depressed. Yes, LexG drunk-posts. Yes, his bleak references to Officer and a Gentlemen disturb and dismay. Yes, it’s hard to swallow SIX BILIOUS RANTS IN A ROW…
“Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome… To Cabaret, to Cabaret, to Cabaret…”
He has also posted the best comments on this blog since the year began. If I had the time or the inclination, I’d go find them, but others here lauded them at the time. It’s also clear that many of us who post here are about the same age, and share many of his frustrations. I mean, how angry and depressed do you think I get that higher education is as broke financially and ideologically as the auto industry, Wall Street, the Fourth Estate, and housing market? That every possible career choice is just the same corporate, bottom-line bullshit, with absolutely no interest in cultivating creativity and no dedication to anything Good, Beautiful, or True? Or that after a decade-plus of grad school and a career track that promises another decade more of exploitation and drudgery I’m NOT David Bordwell, and can’t really aspire to be?
LexG is this blog’s rampant id (with due apologies to hardassed broad leahnz). Not everybody’s Tyler Durden can look like Brad Pitt. Ban him from the blog, ban him from the planet, ban him from the human race, BUT HE’LL STILL BE THERE.
I’d been trying to think of a Lex defense that wasn’t a mere reiteration of my previous ones. But Not David Bordwell has saved me the trouble.
There will never be widespread agreement here about how to handle Lex, but it seems to me that Dave generally takes the right approach, frustrating as it can be for him. It’s his blog, so he draws the line.
Dave handles it like Dana White handles the out-of-control drunken yahoos on The Ultimate FIghter. First he thinks about the ratings. Then he scolds the individual. Then he waits for them to drink again. Then he thinks about the ratings. Like I’ve always said. Dave is a smart cookie.
That ‘poke the bear’ analogy was sublime. Proust.
But if you don’t poke the bear, he just sits there and bores you. You want to see him eat someone!
A bear is a defenseless animal subject to pointless cruelty. Lex, on the other hand, is an adult male with problems he refuses to treat who gets nothing but what he deserves. (There are plenty of much more bloodlusty bear-pokers on this blog but if I say their names they’ll poke me).
Otherwise I agree with you, NDBordwell.