May 19, 2024
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It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?
So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.
And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.
There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.
I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.
So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.
But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”
My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher
“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.
~ David Simon
This place is gonna get a little contentious. 🙂
Only by people looking for a fight. Everything he said is on the money, and I don’t even need to see more than a trailer to stand by my point.
David, thanks for some great laughs. You should do these more often.
Yeah, it’s funny, mystery… don’t think there is going to be too much pushback on this one. A few people before they see the film. And maybe a few who feel I am being too hard on it or that calling out the Shuck-n-Jivebots as racist is too much. But I don’t see a lot of support for this film coming, even from the hard core.
Transformers was a bad movie, but I see the crap appeal of it and if you weren’t demanding much, it did have cool effects. This one is, amazingly enough, not only bad, but long and pretentious. Almost 2.5 hours!!!
Haven’t seen Transformers 2 yet, but “Shuck-n-Jivebots” is a perfect term for a problem that was in the first one, as well. That didn’t bother me nearly as much as the fact that all the jokes about humans in the first one were at the expense of the Bernie Mac, the fat hacker guy, etc.– WTF? Are there no black people on this planet, only grotesque caricatures?
The first time I watched it I dismissed it and blamed it all on the fact that Michael Bay can’t direct comedy (because amusement is, after all, a human emotion). But I watched it a second time a few months later and it made me really uncomfortable. It’s overwhelming.
I’m sure i would have enjoyed this review if i hadn’t been distracted by that poster behind DP!
Avatar. A Christmas Carol. 2012. Alice in wonderland. This year, WINTER is the new Summer.
It just seems that there are already a bunch of apologists telling us that we should lighten up and just have fun and oooh and ahhh at shiny things and appreciate what Bay does better than anyone (ahem).
I’d equate the first film to speed-eating cotton candy on a merry-go-round. Yes, its colorful and bright and sweet; each thing has its own appeal, in moderation, but together in large amounts it becomes too much. But there are still people who say, “Come on! Its the fair!”
I remember jeffmcm calling one particular robot from the first film “Minstrel-bot”, which I thought was apropos.
Ebert’s review is hilarious —
http://tinyurl.com/mbu73h
I’m really curious how the legs on this one will do. If it’s this bad when will we see the drop off? By the end of the weekend, by 4th of July weekend?
Very few films pissed me off as much as Transformers.
Is there a scar on DP’s eyebrow that I never saw before? Sorry to bring it up if it’s a sore subject.
Does Bay deserve all of the blame for Turturro’s jock-strapped ass if said actor agrees to show it?
Well, I thought SAHARA was kinda fun, so maybe I’ll like this thing.
Dave – the guy’s name is “Duhamel.” I think it’s pronounced “Doo-mel. But “Douche-mel” is pretty funny.
TMJ – Yes. 100%. Actors want to do stuff. Directors are there to make a movie, not take advantage.
J-Mc – Scar has been there since I was 16… becomes more or less visible depending on the weather or other variables. Not an issue of sensitivity.
Hops – I like this film to be close to the record on opening vs final number. That still may put it at $300 million. But it will not be leggy like the last one… which for a massive opening, held pretty well.
Hey, apparently JORDAN MINTZER at Variety like it! (Who exactly is Jordan Mintzer?)
Yancy, you’re wrong on pronunciation.
It’s pronounced O-ly-phant (ok, I kid, but has anyone actually seen these two in the same room together?)
I think the better rip, if you are going to give Bay (and Turturro) hell for it, is to comment on the repetition. I mean, Turturro was forced to strip to his underwear in the first film. IN fact, so many of the “jokes” people take offense to are in Bay’s other films. “Dogs fucking” was simply “Rats fucking” in BAD BOYS II. Racist, stereotyping of Blacks was – again – the BAD BOYS franchise as well as Cuba Gooding Jr. in PEARL HARBOR.
It seems like a few critics are feeling guilty for giving the first Transformers a pass, so they’re slamming this one. When, in fact they’re basically the same film. They’re virtually the same run time. The toilet gags from “Revenge” are also in the original. Or have we blocked out Bumblebee pissing on Turturro’s head?
Ebert’s entitled to his opinion. Everyone is. But if you gave the original 3 stars (which he did), it’s tough to think that this one is THAT much worse.
Ah. but it is, TMJ.
I think you are also right that there is some embarrassed retribution. (The 3 stars the first time was the problem there.) But this film is much worse for all the reasons so many sequels that have so much of the original reflected are so much worse. It’s more of the same, raising the bar on the worst elements, and throwing story out.
In most cases, the bad sequel is a reflection of what dumb crap the filmmaker would have done had they not been restrained the first time. Every once in a while, that is great and the filmmaker grows it. But in cases like this – not unlike Bad Boys 2 – it leads to something ugly and really worthless when the original was just decent junk/crap.
Junk/crap is completely appropriate in this context (the first movie).
I’m going to assume you weren’t referring to Bay’s original “Transformers” when you say filmmakers who were “restrained the first time,” David. Bay hasn’t been restrained since The Rock. Maybe since the initial Bad Boys.
Because I disliked the original, I actually enjoyed this one more. Puts me in the minority, I know. Perhaps my expectations were lower. I found it easier to overlook the humping dogs and pot-brownie-eating moms to appreciate the digital effects and robotic creations.
I just am surprised at the amount of Bay venom that still spews when he releases a film. This dude has been doing exactly this for his entire career. I wonder if the same critics are outraged when Nic Cage stars in yet another steaming pile of crap?
I liked the first one quite a bit, but the first time I saw a trailer for the sequel, I had only low expectations. It looks louder and dumber, but not at all fun-ner. Not a good formula.
Cloudy: do not get sucked into Heat Rash’s vortex of stupid. Seriously, his response to my film has made me change my mind about it’s earning potential. Now it’s going to earn through the roof. Why? Heat Rash is a good barometer of opposite. Which means: he loves Hancock, and everyone else loves TDK. So going with my own forum, REVENGE OF THE FALLEN F… T… W!
“Your” film, IOI?
Wait, IOIO is Michael Bay? I thought LexG was Michael Bay?
Will the real Michael Bay, please stand up, crank up the Linkin Park and detonate something?
I have to admit I don’t get the Bay hate either – at least certainly not for Transformers. I mean the guy sucks, of course, but what were you expecting, something more? Glenn Kenny (persona non grata around here I know, but still) said it best over at the Auteurs:
“Wouldn’t it be safer for cinema in general for a dubious talent such as [director of The Proposal] to be relegated to her little corner of mediocrity than to have her wreaking havoc on more “ambitious” projects? It’s exactly the same with Michael Bay. Sure, the Transformers films are abominations which any grown adult ought to be ashamed to even bring up in conversation, but by the same token, for as long as Bay is occupied with making them, he can’t fuck up anything else. Win/win, as far as I can tell.”
It’s a great movie, Dave just doesn’t get it…
Hard to believe.
I think David gets it…just that all the things he disliked about it are the things I expected and liked about it.
Megan Fox looks like a fuck doll? Great, that’s the only reason people put her in anything anyway.
Liked the review format this time. The Shatneresque hand gestures and pauses kick things up a notch.
Re: Turturro’s pimply hairy ass.
I am reminded of an old Jeremy Irons interview he did on ET in the early 90’s when he was promoting Damage which he appeared fully nude in. I recall how passionate he became when asked about the nudity and he stated how “refreshing” it was to finally see male nudity on film.
Well, almost two decades, a Bruno g-string, Turturro ass and a Segal rinky dink later…can we say now safely with the benefit of hindsight that Irons was wrong?
As I wrote in my piece and elsewhere, the film is pretty stunningly terrible. Not only is the movie awful and/or racist, but it namechecks Obama and explicitly blames him for not letting the troops save the world from Decepticons. It also has Optimus Prime out and out state one of the primary right-wing talking points for why we should never, ever leave Iraq.
To be fair, if the movie’s biggest sin was its politics, that wouldn’t be a huge deal, but it’s just adding insult to injury.
“..but it namechecks Obama and explicitly blames him for not letting the troops save the world from Decepticons.”
So – this – is really why it is getting such shite reviews! A-ha!
Nicol, try using some italics from time to time, it’ll help your posts.
Truth hurts, doesn’t it, Jeff?
There is no possible answer to that post that won’t be met with some kind of smug, snide response, Nicol (Prove Me Wrong!)
Jeff,
You have already been smug and snide to me Jeff. Who are – you – that I should prove you wrong? As I recall, you could not even defend Let the Right One In on the other thread the other night. You just said my brain fell out instead. Can you defend any of your views or do you always have to just take pot shots from the wings?
At least I put myself out there.
Actually, Nicol, as I posted elsewhere: I expected you to come up with the theory that Jon Voight wasn’t invited back for the sequel because of his right-wing politics. Of course, I guess you could counter-argue that, no, Vought’s character must have been fired by Obama. LOL.
But seriously: The last movie depicted the then-current POTUS (indirectly, but not specifically, indentified as Bush) as a clueless goofus. I guess we’ve come a long way, in many ways, from the time when Bill Pullman could play a heroic, alien ass-kicking Prez.
Joe,
In the modern era, and I am generalizing here, if there is a Democrat in the White House, the President will be portrayed in a positive way however the movie requires. If a Republican, he will be portrayed in a negative way.
There are always exceptions. If the new Transformers seesm Obama policies in a negative light…that is an exception.
Nicol, I haven’t been smug or snide to you in days, if not weeks. My italics suggestion was meant as an honest suggestion to help you improve the readability of your posts. If it didn’t sound like that, I’m sorry. As for the Let the Right One In discussion, I didn’t write any details because you didn’t raise any points that could be addressed. You just said it was as good as Twilight, and I cannot imagine any possible universe in which the the two movies are similar in quality since in terms of story, performance, direction, cinematography, editing, even CGI, LTROI is, it seems to me, blatantly and obviously superior.
From my perspective, you do not‘ put yourself out there.’
Anyway, I also have a feeling that if we did a through analysis of all the Presidential depictions in recent movie history, there would be very little correlation by party. I’ll do some research and get back on that subject.
Jeff,
No Jeff, your italics suggestion was irrelevant. It was just you trying (unsuccessfully) to imply my posts were unreadable. It is a typical left wing (although not all leftists do it) point on the internet. When in a debate with a “righty” find, create or pretend there is a flaw in the writing style of the person to ignore what they are saying.
Jeff, do you really want me to go through yout posts with a fine tooth comb?
As for correlation by party? Never said that was a factor. There are other ways of depicting people without mentioning a party by name.
Nicol, there really is very little point in trying to have a conversation with you when everything you post is defensive, paranoid, and obviously disinterested in conversation.
Girls, you’re both pretty.
Can we please get back to talking about how much Transformers 2 sucks?
What’s funny is, if you back and look at Enemy of the State — released, yes, during the Clinton administration — you’ll see Jon Voight obviously doing a take on Robert McNamara while playing a militaristic bad guy. Come to think of it, he played a similar part in Most Wanted — also released during the Clinton years. Hmmmmmmmm.
The accusations of racism forget the bit of dialog in the first film, which explains how the Autobots learned human communication. With that in mind, and rather than leaping to the facile, “It’s racist!,” I submit a commentary about the state of pop culture.
That’s all I’m saying. My thoughts:
http://incontention.com/?p=8867
I totally felt like Voight was doing Rumsfeld in part one. But as a good guy.
In fairness, Kris, they may have learned human communication from the Internet, but they probably didn’t “learn” to be buck-toothed.
I just did a quick rundown of as many Presidential movies that I could think of from the last 20 or so years.
During the Clinton era, I came up with 6 positive Presidential depictions and 9 negative ones.
During the GW Bush era, I found 2 positives and 7 negatives. And during the Obama era, so far, it’s 0 and 1.
So while there could certainly be an indication of a Clinton-era of Presidential favorability, it’s not a heavily strong correlation.
Jeff, you could maybe include “Battle for Terra,” set though it is in the future and in deep space, where an ineffectual-but-well-meaning black president is overthrown by the military who want to exterminate a planet.
Two thoughts:
1) Poland mentions that this movie should have been better because Bay had more money and more time to make it. True on the first part, but way off on the second. Transformers came out TWO YEARS ago. Even though this film was in development before Tranformers 1 was released it still was done is practically record time. What other sequel of this scale and cost has been turned around as quickly? There are FOUR credited editors on this show, for crissake. Surely this has something to do with the quality, or lack thereof.
2) Bay should be making R rated movies, not movies based on kids toys. His whole asthetic (loud, violent, raunchy, crude) practically demands the more restrictive rating, and his PG-13 body of work suffers because of it.
OK, I’ve already had my say about the movie, but I’d like to throw this question out to other folks who have seen it. And, please, answer honestly, whether you liked it or: What percentage of the dialogue (by humans and robots) would you say is incomprehensible? As in, you simply couldn’t hear it over the din of the loud music and robot ass-kicking? Me? I would say, at the very least, 30 percent, and likely more.
I was going to say that many of these racial caricatures are performed by actors of the race in question, which goes a long way in defusing any culpability on the filmmaker’s part, imo, BUT…
…guess who does the voice of both Mudflap and Skids? Tom Kenny, a white guy most famous as the voice of SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS (along with voice work in the latest Transformers cartoon, although for characters he doesn’t do in this latest movie).
DP, just wanted to say that stream-of-consciousness video review is priceless, i wish you’d do more of those!
(and tho i don’t think i despised ‘trannies deux’ quite as much, a great deal of what you said mirrors my own pov, what a mess)
re: ‘the micheal bay hate’ that people ‘don’t get’, maybe people (such as myself) genuinely think michael bay is a tool and it’s not some unfair, group-think, going-along-with-the-crowd conspiracy, it’s just one individual opinion plus another and another, adding up to a cacophony of disdain
joe: i’ll put my 2 cents in for at least 30%, but i’ll be seeing it again soon with a gaggle of 10yr olds for a birthday party so maybe i’ll be able to pick up some of the lines i missed. lucky me!
(and mystery, many actors will demean themselves for a paycheck, it doesn’t make the director any less culpable)
Joe – That really wasn’t an issue at my screening. Perhaps the speakers in your theater were too loud? Star Trek on the Paramount lot was deafening. I picked up more dialogue in the IMAX back home. As for last night’s Transformers, I’m 99 percent sure I heard every word. Even over the audience’s guffaws as Julie White tackled a Frisbee-tossing hippie. Sigh.
Also: For those of you who see the film as Obama-bashing, I ask: How significantly different do you think the plot would have been had McCain been elected in November?
I don’t think it would have changed a thing. All of Bay’s movies need a government/administrative stooge for the hero to belittle. See Jon Voight (T1), Joey Pantolaino (the Bad Boys films), William Fichter (Armageddon) and John Spencer (The Rock). It’s not politics with Bay. It’s pure formula.
If McCain had won, I don’t think they’d have mentioned him by name as they did Obama. It would be an anonymous and possibly fictional president.
LYT: Maybe they stumbled across reruns of “Fat Albert” or “Diff’rent Strokes” on Hulu.
I kinda retired the word by popular demand a while back, but this video truly and genuinely OWNS. Holy shit, Poland’s “black guy” imitation had me on the floor… Even though I know with every fiber of my being that I will love this movie and disagree with all of his points, the flabbergasted tone is REALLY funny.
Plus the setup and lighting make D-Po look like a suave version of Chuck Barris.
The movie was awesome. LexG will love it. Seeing it again tomorrow.
Mudflap is an awesome name for a Stephen Fetchit style Transformer. Like how white supremecists call non-whites “mud people.”
Ha ha, Michael Bay you’re awesome!
Mudbloods? When did this turn into a Harry Potter discussion?
Now I actually want to see this train-wreck.
Can this be worse than Bad Boys 2?
Or Pearl Harbour?
David
I recall that I was laughed at when I mentioned that #1 would make a boatload and well it did.
#2 will make the most money of any film this year. Does that mean it’s great? That is not what it means. Does that mean that there is something there that people respond to (not the few blog snobs of course)? Yes it does. The movie may be too long and a bit all over the place, but many people love it. Hence your idea about “pushback” is inaccurate.
Bring on the hate those that know better.
I too am looking forward to sitting through this thing. Not so much for entertainment purposes, but for the perverse pleasure of watching a filmmaker with no connection to the human condition attempt to make a children’s movie. What a specimen we have here!
If there truly is a psychology to the medium of cinema, then Michael Bay is its Hannibal Lector. He is the single greatest murderer of all things good and sacred in this generation of film, brilliantly getting away with it in the name of “fun junk.” And the fact that a sociopath is one of our biggest directors (and not behind bars or in a hospital) says more about our empty culture than anything.
Trust me, they will be teaching classes on this guy in 20 years.
(Tapley, I just bookmarked you)
And Don, I’m not brave enough to pick a fight with you, but a couple years back I saw your list of all time favorite movies on your website. You have sensational taste. There’s no way anyone will believe you enjoyed a Michael Bay flick.
That said, you were smart to grab this property and I hope you make a mint with it. As with the toys, that seems to be the sole point of its existence.
Wow, when a producer call his own film “too long” and “all over the place” you know it must be shit.
DP you should have just read out my earlier TF2 review.
Don, seriously: What do you think of the claim that your new Transformers movie has some kind of conservative-leaning, even neocon-supporting subtext? Yeah, I know: That sounds an awful lot like, When did you stop beating your wife? Sorry. But I’m genuinely curious: Did you see that coming?
I don’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed that it took two years and this sequel for a lot of people to be bagging on these movies in a manner that I felt about TF1. How things became significantly worse this time around is unfathomable.
This is one of the year’s more bizarre writing credits IMO. I was puzzled when I first heard that the producers felt the need to supplement the practically infallible Orci & Kurtzman w/ Ehren Kruger, and I’m even more puzzled now given the final product. What exactly did they get for their 2.5 mil or whatever it was to Kruger that Orci/Kurtzman couldn’t have given them? He can generally be relied upon to leave his fingerprints all over the final product, with his dizzying (some would say just dizzy) plot dynamics and so forth, but I really don’t see what if anything he’s contributed here.
I love how DP laments about the terrible objectification of women by Bay with a poster of a chick in her panties behind him.
Don. Millions love rancid reality tv. Your point seems to be that TF2 is garbage and the lobotomised masses are okay with it. Way to make a living. You’ve made your money so now make something good with it. You’re a smart guy. I’m sure you didn’t grow up wanting to be party to shit for the masses?
LEAGUE, SHOOT, TF1&2, DD, where the fuck is the guy who nurtured NBK, BULLY and PM? I know he’s swimming in money but is he really happy.. really Don.. is this what you wanted. You already the biggest film of the year with TF1. How about putting out something that you don’t have to defend with false compliments…
And I used to think that Jeffrey Wells was just a more stupid version of Harlan Ellison.
But this…
Can somone explain this review to me? Why does David sound (and I appologize for this in advance) like a gay diva? Well he does!
Now, I haven’t seen the movie yet (and not really planning to because I found the first one to be stupid) but this so called review shows everything that’s wrong with blog video reviews.
What is so horrifying about a chick having having stuff on her face? Immature, definitely. Perhaps even disqusting. But horrifying? Come on now, David!
So you seem to be repulsed by the very idea of sexual imagery in the movie tailor made for horny teenagers. It’s fine, if you had genuine moral problems but puh-lease you don’t really fit the type. I think you understand what’s going on, dislike HOW it’s handled and then use the wrong selection of WORDS to describe the experience.
If you called it pathetic, I would have believed you and would have been swayed by the review. But disqusting CONCEPTUALLY? CONCEPTUALLY?
You disaprove of the idea of a reference to oral sex? What were you doing watching Bruno (and don’t tell me about the difference in the intended audiences, first because there is a huge overap and more importantly because something doesn’t just stop being “conceptually disqusting” when it changes context).
It just feels a little theatrical. Just because it’s a video blog you don’t have to be so cheapish.
And should all this immature pondering come as such a suprise? In a Michael Bay film?
Man, you really must have hated that “Masturbation” line in the original.
And not to be controversial but is it really “racist” to have two characters that actually sound like black people? Not very PC, I’ll grant you that, but setting back race relations many years? Maybe I’m wrong, and it is in fact, a caricature. In that case I take back what I said. Caricatures, are in fact racist and should be called out. Things is, I can’t tell from your review whether you’ve exaggerated and the characters actually reasonably sound like black people or if there’s some geninue baysplotaion going on.
Now before I am accused of sexism, racism and homophobia I would like to point out that I am, in fact neither of those things. I was just making a point. The side effect of David’s choices in his little presentation is that it’s impossible, at least for me, to know what true and what isn’t. Afterwards, if I didn’t already know what kind of film Transformers 2 was, I may have wanted to see it.
———————————————–
And I totally share in your anger over the John Turturro butt scene. Not cool. Would not have been cool with any other actor, but having John do it extra uncool.
But whose’s to blame?
KURTZMAN: “Oh yeah, don
Actually Don, you said the first TRANSFORMERS would be the biggest grossing film of the year….and it was absolutely not. So, you are wrong. And you make shitty movies. Thanks for gumming up and dumbing down the megaplex in the name of commerce.
Crow T- Thanks….
Wrecktum you twist my words but then with that handle….Joe No I did not….longshanks- meeting a deadline…JBD- I truly am shocked you didn’t love Shoot ‘Em Up, and yes a bit saddened…donlewis- I know it was ONLY # 3 that year, sorry, just like I am sorry for the burden you have always been to your family…
I actually like *you* or your net persona, I just find your movies awful. And #3 is not #1 as you predicted and gloated about around here for months before T1 hit. Just as a point of fact.
Hopefully you’ll like Splice I made it just to please you
‘Can somone explain this review to me? Why does David sound (and I appologize for this in advance) like a gay diva? Well he does!’
roman, i don’t know where you get ‘gay diva’ from, but my take on dp’s video review was that of a guy utterly gobsmacked and confounded by what he perceived as being the sheer idiocy of the movie. it’s his opinion, after all, don’t get your knickers in such a twist!
(and fyi, yes, madflap and skids do a seriously embarrassing shucking & jiving caricature, the kind that makes you sink down in your seat a little cringing)
and if you haven’t seen the movie, how can you agree about turturro’s ass hair?
MEMO TO NICOL d: YES TO MORE MALE NUDITY, YA BIG SEXIST PRUDE!
“and if you haven’t seen the movie, how can you agree about turturro’s ass hair?”
leah,
That’s not what I agreed with. That I (methinks) can handle. But hair or no hair, I was against the very idea of humiliating an actor of his caliber. So I agreed that it was uncool.
Besides, the scene in the first movie where John got peed on by a bot gives me a pretty good idea of what to expect.
It’s tremendous. The end. Heat Rash once again proves how out of touch he has become, but this may be a special circumstance. If you dislike the first film. You are going to dislike this film. So, yeah, he gets a pass, for now.
The fact that the Pretender gets jizzed on is funny, is pretty fucking funny. That’s what it gets for being a PRETENDER!
Gee, IO loves a movie based on a cartoon/comic book. Did anyone ave a bet on that?
Jeff,
Thanks so much for the research. Which of course means absolutely nothing without context and titles. Thanks for coming out.
Leahnz,
“MEMO TO NICOL d: YES TO MORE MALE NUDITY, YA BIG SEXIST PRUDE!”
Don’t you mean racistmisogynistbigottedfacistneocon big sexist prude? You’re clearly going soft and will not be getting your Code Pinker of the month award. Try harder next time.
Everyone else,
I have not seen this film yet. But the whole “racism” charge…what because two robots speak in ebonics? Haven’t leftists been telling us for years that that is a legitimate form of expression in a diverse culture that must be represented.
Now really, do you really think Transformers 2 is trying to make a generalization about African American people or do you think maybe…maybe…they are including two robots that speak in hip hop parlance because it is very popular with teens and kids of all races right now?
You cats are worse than the people in university who accused you of being racist if you didn’t see Malcolm X on opening night.
And let’s be honest, no shot at Obama, no charges of racism.
Funniest hypocritical pan yet was Harry Knowles calling it mysogynist (he routinely uses the most grotesque terms to describe female body parts), racist (but he loved Jar Jar), foul mouthed (ever read his reviews), and not for kids (but he gloats how he lets his nephew see innappropriate stuff all the time.
Really, your true colours are showing here.
You want offensive, vapid, racist, rubbish that lives in a fantasy world and sells lies for its PG -13 rating…go watch The Visitor. Sheesh.
Also,
If you guys could mobilize somewhat of demostration this weekend against theaters showing Transformers 2 and shout really loud that it is racistmisogynistvile, maybe we can get it into the top 10 most controversial movies ever made.
I’d love to see a list of most controversial movies of all time that included Last Temptation of Christ, Clockwork Orange, Passion of the Christ and Transformers 2 Revenge of the Fallen.
That would be a hoot!
I think the problem with the “ebonics” (really AAVE if you want to be appropriate) is the fact that the actor who voiced the two robots in question is white. If it were done by, say, Tracy Morgan, the reaction might be slightly different.
Is this really any different than Freeman Gosden and Charles Correll doing the voices of Amos and Andy? Those characters are notorious today for precisely the same reason.
As I said above, my main problem in the first movie was not with the jive-talking robots but with the depiction of the two most prominent black characters as minstrely dipshits, particularly when no other characters were treated the same way. Not even Turturro, the ostensible doofus.
You even look at a picture of the two Negrobots and they’re even designed to look stupid…do the other Transformers have buck teeth and big ears?
Although it would be funny if they transformed into Cadillacs with hydraulic systems.
OK, I have to ask: How many people who are objecting to the “jive” robots in Transformers are actually — well, you know, African-American? Seriously: Sometimes I wonder if we white guys get our tighty-whiteys in a bunch over things that most black people think are genuinely funny. Seriously: Just last night, I once again showed a film class an early musical short (1923) featuring performances by Eubie Blake and Noble Sissle. And I must admit, whenever they start into “All God’s Chillun Got Wings,” I fully expect some black student to complain about my exposing them to “stereotypes” and such. But that has never happened.
So what you’re saying, Leydon, is that white people shouldn’t recognize and speak out against negative African American stereotyping. Good to know.
Joe: they are not as bad as their pictures, and they are two hoopty bots. That’s how a hoopty would talk. Nevertheless; that dude whose an asshole really needs to understand that unlike the guy who runs this blog. I actually have a fully rounded appreciate of film.
Fievel, you’re making no sense. Are you trying to talk like a “hoopty?”
No Wrecktum, that is not what I am saying. What I am saying — postulating, if you want to be specific — is that it may be a tad bit presumptuous for white folks to automatically assume something will be offensive to black folks.
Holy Christ! $16 million just for the midnight shows? Don, can I have a job, please? I do windows. And I’m told I make a fine cup of java.
First off Joe, showing a racist short to a film class is a different matter entirely. There’s a context there.
Secondly, I’m not offended by Negrobots at all. I think it’s kind of awesome that in this day and age people were so ignorant to put something like that into a huge blockbuster movie. It’s pretty funny. But I also thought the racist comedy bits in Bamboozled were the funniest parts of the movie.
Thirdly, it’s awesome that IO knows how hooptys talk. I guess when he’s off his meds he sees all kinds of things talk! How do fire hydrants talk, IO?
Well, Perm, I’m not sure I would call a musical short with Eubie Blake and…. Er, you do know who Eubie Blake is, right?
Jesus, does anyone else have anything else to say about the movie other than his/her take on the twin robots and the film’s potential gross?
Right now all I hear is one side saying, “This sucks” and another side saying “No, you suck.” And that kind of rhetoric doesn’t win elections folks. Hope does. Know Hope.
Actually, no…guess I should go to your class! I guess instead of “racist” I should have said “stereotypical?”
By the way, I’d imagine when a fire hydrant talks, it sounds like its gargling.
Eubie Blake:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eubie_Blake
“What I am saying — postulating, if you want to be specific — is that it may be a tad bit presumptuous for white folks to automatically assume something will be offensive to black folks. ”
I don’t care if ugly stereotypes are offensive to black folks. They’re offensive to me.
Nicol, I didn’t want to bore everyone with the actual list of titles that I looked up. Also, you are an ass.
I just saw the CHUD article about Alex Kurtzman and Michael Bay’s ducking and jiving on the twinbots:
http://tinyurl.com/ku9b8o
I will be physically ill if the buck stops on Tom Kenny’s head for this one. I work in kids’ animation, and I promise you Tom Kenny is one of the good guys. Smart, kind, and always professional, and I’m guessing it’s the last one that may have gotten him in trouble here. You get hired, you do your job: the director says push the “urban” voice (always with the euphemisms), you push. “We can always dial it back if it goes too far.”
Tom Kenny didn’t approve those designs. Hell, Tom Kenny wouldn’t even have had the authority to approve his own voice work. For Michael Bay to try to pin this on “When you work with voice actors, especially with the twins, they did a lot of improv for their parts” (actual quote) that’s just flat-out cowardice. “Gee, we blew our entire 200 million already, can we really afford another 800 bucks to bring in somebody else and re-record those twinbot lines?” (imaginary quote, although I think that’s the actual SAG session rate for animation voices, at least in TV)
Ridiculous. Man up, Bay.
Transformers is racist? Holy shit, stop the presses
DAMMITT!! When I left work 3 hours ago, I was going to say something to the effect of “How much do you want to bet Armond White LOVES “Transformers 2” and proves he really is just a douchebag contrarian. Then, he beat me to it:
http://www.nypress.com/article-20003-bad-boys-and-toys-transformers-revenge-of-the-fallen.html
Sigh. I knew it and missed a primo blog LOL moment.
kudos, brandonS!
the buck stops with the director, the captain, the master and commander
stop passing the buck, bay, like the dim-bulb weenie you are, stand by your choices and go down with your ship like a man (and learn how to use proper grammar beyond 5th grade level while your down there)
bay: i WOULD OF learned how to write english in school but i was blowing shit up instead! waaahhh waaahhhh
Re: that Armond White review, to his credit (?) White still doesn’t think Transformers 2 is as good as Torque (“near-miraculous”).
Does Armond have some kind of Asperger’s?
that would be ‘while YOU’RE down there’…maybe i need to go back for an english refresher course as well
Way to say it: invocations shots of flag-draped coffins laserings a jockstrap Cloverfield a Bad Boys II poster. http://tinyurl.com/mzcb43 If you like this review, you should see the movie.
Armond White gets it right.
yes.
(and he calls it ‘deux’, just like me. that warms my cockles)
just to be clear, not ‘yes’ to armond getting it right, yikes, but what the always nearly-comprehensible t.holly posted
Yeah, I was gonna say, are you even trying anymore, T. Holly?
Yeah Transforms had was a huge let down for me. The plot “SUCKED”. It was all action and the action it did have wasnt even good.
Why is Turturro working in a DELI?
At the beginning, doesn’t Sam’s roommate gripe about always getting scooped by a rival, presumably TMZ-esque website? We found out later it’s run by Turturro, so why the day job slicing ham? I guess maybe it’s a fringe-loony site and Turturro doesn’t make much from it. Plus, for the longest time, Harvey Levin was still keeping his day job interviewing the crowds on People’s Court.
That was my only gripe with the script. Everything else is solid.
I don’t know why everyone’s talking/complaining about the voices of the twin robots. That throwaway with the buck-toothed, mugging foreign meatcutter was a far more “hilariously” brazen exhibition of un-PC comedy skillz.
I liked the change for Turturro’s character. My only problem with TF2 is that it was maybe 15-20 minutes too long, but it’s a great summer action film that I think was rushed through post and didn’t get as tight as it could have been. 3 1/2 out of 4 stars.
BAY POWER.
BOW TO HIM. BOW. TWO VIEWINGS TODAY. TWO TOMORROW. Seeing it AT LEAST seven times this weekend.
Is it possible to OUT-BONER MEGAN FOX? Nobody tell her I even asked the question… BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT WAS THAT SECONDARY BLONDE CHICK HOT OH MY GOD GIANT RAGING BONER, Poland is WRONG, when she got squirted in the face it was THE GREATEST MOMENT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA.
Other great moments in BONERDOM: Megan putting on her LITTLE WHITE DRESS AND HEELS YES MORE PLEASE. HOTTTTTTTTTTTT. This was better than porn.
There was so much hotness, the action stuff was almost like an afterthought.
On a downer note: I think I’m headed for KEVIN DUNN HAIRLOSS.
Didn’t all the praise for your last column give you enough of an ego boost to allow you to avoid a new wave of self-destructive behavior and obnoxiousness?
I am GIDDY LIKE MERRY AND PIP STEALING AN APPLE AT A LAME BONFIRE PARTY. What’s self-destructive? I am celebrating the world’s GREATEST CINEMATIC GENIUS issuing the final lethal smackdown on every other director working, NONE of whom could do this. TRY AND OUTDO this shit, BILLY ELLIOT GUY WHO GETS NOMINATED EVERY YEAR. Come on, Mendes, try topping the level of brightly-lit HOTNESS and militaristic overkill on display.*
Also, Bay’s version of a co-ed dorm stuffed with all Playmates, and a keg party lit like a rap video starring all Victoria’s Secret ANGELS were two other masterstrokes.
THIS IS WHAT I WANT MY LIFE TO BE LIKE.
*Silliness aside, serious question:
Do you guys think Bay BELIEVES all that cornpone Americana and militaristic jingoism, or is it semi-ironic, a kinda “giving the masses what they want” thing? It’s kind of commercially brilliant; Yeah, Nicol D seems pretty extreme, but he’s right that there’s a good percentage of regular folks out there who DO get tired of seeing their country and military mocked and criticized in movies and TV. This thing must play like manna falling from the ceiling to them, as T2 is probably the most enticing, exciting “recruitment” movie since TOP GUN.
Lex, I think Bay is being totally serious in his effort to sell his world to the audience. I love it because he’s not trying to TELL you something, he’s trying to SELL YOU something. Some people hate the pitch, mostly critics of course. But a whole shitload of people LOVE to be sold to, and Bay knows all the tricks of the trade in selling to the masses. He’s the classic Hollywood pitchman, with the technical skills to back it up. He’s not promising a filet mignon, but he’s promising the best Big Mac yet, and usually people agree that it satisfied their cravings.
“THIS IS WHAT I WANT MY LIFE TO BE LIKE.”
Three degrees!
Lex has enough time to see 18 hours worth of Transformers 2 this weekend, yet he complains about never having any time to do anything but work and sleep. Huh. When you tell him he needs to get out and meet people and have a life, he shudders and claims it’s impossible. Huh.
Priorities.
This movie just dominated, and that guy whose an asshole remains just that, an asshole. Seriously, Lex already put him in his, and he’s state sanctioned. So, really, REVENGE IS HERE, AND YOU IT PROVES HEAT RASH TO BE GOOD LUCK FOR EVERY FILM HE DISLIKES!
AW LAWDT! TYPOS! Suck it, assclowns.
“Priorities.”
Huh.
It’s not terrible. It’s also not good. It’s middlebrow. It’s oppressive. It’s sometimes impressive. It is too long. For the third movie, just jettison the human factor altogether. You save at least half an hour right there. Lots of people die. Michael Bay wouldn’t know how to be poetic to save his life (spoiler warning – see the aircraft carrier sinking).
I am seeing it again though (tix were bought previous to tonight’s excursion). I dunno, maybe I’ll enjoy it more the second time, since I know what to expect. I was expecting bad…I got boring (with a few parts of awesome thrown in there for what the hell measure).
I’m going to bed.
BOW TO IT.
TURTURRO POWER. TURTURRO is COMMANDING this summer; Two movies in less than three weeks where he’s KNOCKING IT OUT OF THE PARK. GOOD ACTOR.
Fuck, is there a 1:34 am show? I NEED TO SEE IT AGAIN NOW.
I am so tempted to pronounce MEGAN FOX the GREATEST WOMAN IN HISTORY (fuck Betsy Ross)… but K-STEW would be sad. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
WHAT SHOULD I DO? (For effect, please hear that last part in the exact cadence of Penn yelling “MEANS WHAT, DAD? MEANS WHAT?” in AT CLOSE RANGE, aka the best movie ever made until this morning.)
The only joy I got from the midnight show was watching the shell-shocked audience walk out. No one was looking at each other. It was as if they had all witnessed something awful — an affront to humanity even — and had made a pact to go on with life like nothing had ever happened… and never speak of it again.
Well, that joy and the transformer angels visiting Shia. That was pretty funny, too.
MEGAN FOX.
KNEEL BEFORE HER.
SHE IS YOUR EVERYTHING.
Wow, IO’s making less sense than usual…he’s now into the realm of caveman gibberish!
What was that movie that had McLovin in the cape? I picture IO like that.
Holy smokes! Sixty-plus-million on opening day? A new Wednesday opening day record? Damn, I bet we see that Thundercats movie placed in the development fast lane real quick.
I picture that guy who responds like an asshole. Being the physical representation of an asshole. Seriously, Lex put that guy in his place, and he still post around here? How daft does this fuck have to be to still post here? Seriously, the state sanctioned guy showed you the door, and you should walk out it.
Joe: THE HOT BLOG… BEAT DOWN AGAIN BY THE MIGHT OF DON MURPHY! BOOYAH!
I suspect. That the guy who writes like a child. Is brain damaged. I like he he doesn’t refer to anyone by their handles. How. Was I put in my place? Because no one told me I wish my mommy was Batman.
I suspect that they guy who writes like a piece of shit, responds like a piece of shit, and never contributes because they are a piece of shit. Well, really, that person has to be a piece of shit. The fact that this person thinks he can best me in anything, is kind of funny.
So the asshole can keep on responding like an asshole, but who really likes this asshole? He never contributes anything to this forum outside of his mean rants towards other members of the board. If you think I am mean. You must have never read the responses from this asshole to me and other people.
The asshole needs a time-out. The fact that Heat Rash has never given him a time-out. Goes to show that Heat Rash really does not pay enough attention to Lex’ suggestion.
He’s an asshole. Fuck him. I can hear that guy with the spaz getting ready to do that now.
Fievel is so pissed off and bitter that he’s been banned from this site in the past but none of his frenemies have been. But as someone whose (lol) the single worst poster in the history of the Internets, he should just get over himself. Sing your song, Fievel, and take a chill pill.
(sorry for the spoiler dont read if u dont want to know)
In Transformers 2 Revenge Of The Falling, why does Optimus all-of-a sudden start kicking ass in the wooded area? I mean don’t get me wrong Optimus Prime is a cool Autobot, but in the first one he could not fight for shit against just Megatron. There was 3 Decepticons in that fight, and prime was kicking their fucking asses! (excuse my french) There was Megatron, Starscreem, and some other big guy; (don’t know his name, SORRY) I mean come on Optimus killed the “big guy” and just about killed Starscreem, and if megatron had not been cheap and hid from Prime, (when Prime was looking for Sam) and stabed Prime in the back and “killed him” couph, couph, he would have probubly killed him “Megatron” as well, along with Starscreem.
By: ME!
(again sorry for the spoiler dont read if u dont want to know)
Dear guy who writes like a retarded possum. If you noticed. I was not talking about you. I was talking about racist robots. But then guy who writes like a retarded possum talked about me (I assume, it’s hard to tell what the fuck he’s saying half the time). So then I responded. Like the Cold War, you do not start shit. Or you will get shit. And I’ve been eating enchiladas so you do not want this shit on you.
Time out. Will never happen. I cannot be contained.
YOU CANNOT CAGE AIR.
Every time I read one of IO’s posts, I hear it being read by Everett Sloane’s Bernstein from Citizen Kane:
“Well it’s no trick to make a lot of money. If all you want. Is to make a lot of money.”
Oh jesus… an asshole and the guy who licks the asshole are slamming me. AW LAWDY! Good call yancy.
Star Prime — though it’s probably best not to overanalyze the story or plot points, here’s a conceivable answer:
In part one, Prime and Megatron hadn’t faced each other in decades, and Prime was also arguably just getting used to having the coverings of a truck.
In part two, Prime’s been fighting Decepticons non-stop for two years, and Megatron’s only just been resurrected and partially rebuilt with scrap parts, while Starscream has been in hiding.
No idea about Grindor, since he’s a new character, albeit one who looks exactly like Blackout from the first flick.
Re: the blackface bots. Am I the only one the bucktoothed one reminded of Mater from “Cars”?