Over a couple of months, two studios are releasing two “found footage” movies involving teenagers who get out of control at a party, Chronicle and Project X. (A third one, which mines this theme, but is a somewhat different animal and not pretending to be found footage, 21 Jump Street, is also on the way.) The two films couldn’t really – considering how much they tread on the same themes – be less alike.

Project X isn’t really a found footage movie. It’s a found-a-cache-of early-1990s-music-videos movie. Add a parade 20something hot girls who came to LA to be actresses and may well end up doing porn or Skinemax movies, in and out of show-off underwear to this ad that was shot the Project X‘s first-featuring director…

… and you pretty much have Project X.

To be fair, throw in Oliver Cooper as the sweater vest wearing fast talking kid (think Brett Ratner) who is the closest thing the movie has to an interesting character.

In many ways, I think Project X is from the heart… or somewhere a foot or so below that. But sincerely the idea of great fun for some people. “What if three high schoolers managed to create, pretty much by mistake, a living breathing music video set?” And that’s what they made. For better or for worse.

The film reminded me of all the R-ish teen films they Frankensteined together, but with even more T, a ton more A, and a lack of the narrative thread that those other movies used to fill in the beats between T&A. Ironically, this phenomenon is defined by Kirby Bliss Blanton as The Object Of Presumed Unavailability Even Though The Mutual Crush Is Obvious From Second One. Ms. Blanton is, if not the most teen-boy-boner-inducing female in the film without ever taking her clothes off, an equal bit of lust induction to any of the fake-breasted, how-quickly-can-I-get-your-penis-in-my-mouth-because-I-don’t-really-care-thanks-to-the-hysterically-funny-drugs-I-took women in the film. Project X doesn’t go for the pretty girl with her hair up and glasses on schtick. Ms. Blanton has a face born to Vanity Fair covers.

Of course, the story is Loser Kid, Cool Friend who is not that attractive but could talk the Israelies into giving up Jerusalem, and Fat Kid who is a secret sex machine. A little bit Superbad, a little bit Risky Business, a little bit True Romance… not as good as any of those movies for a minute. The ironic reason for this film’s inherent inferiority is that is trying so very hard. By the third act, not only have the kids lost, as was inevitable from minute one, control… but the filmmakers have completely lost whatever idea of a narrative thread they once had. So the only play to escape the film is, “Bigger.” Doesn’t work.

The thing about Risky Business that kept it grounded was the urge to actually get into college. The thing about Superbad that kept it grounded was the urge to actually get Emma Stone. Project X has no real goal. Yes, it is about coming of age. But none of the characters have a believable or relatable arc, ultimately.

I don’t know how this film will play with its intended audience, which is not me at all. Reflecting on when I would have been the audience for this film, it seems a lot like what I would have wanted… Porky’s on steroids and implants. But are boys still getting turned on by late night cable programming? They all have computers and there is actual porn available all over the place. Does a beautiful ass filling the screen in slow motion require multiple viewings? Alexis Knapp is lovely… and she even claims to have been concerned about not just being another pair of boobs and a warm place for some idiot to put their penis in this film. But alas… that’s all her character is… an inexpensive Megan Fox fill-in who’ll give up the bra on camera. And ironically, that is what keeps her from being more memorable.

Maybe it will be huge. Women should hate every second. But there is plenty of self-loathing out there, so maybe enjoying this film will be a new form of cutting for teen girls. Who knows? And maybe the concentration of T&A and just enough story to reach to identify with will excite a lot of boys. I expect a strong opening, if a certain lack of legs. But rarely is a film released by a studio made less for me.

Coming in Episode II: Why Chronicle may be the most important film released in the first half of this year.

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