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By David Poland

BYOB Weekend – Try The Sand Aps

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67 Responses to “BYOB Weekend – Try The Sand Aps”

  1. mutinyco says:

    Found this 1960s IBM promo that has a lot of aesthetic similarities to Dr. Strangelove. I don’t know who influenced who, but it’s interesting…

  2. EthanG says:

    This is going to be the worst weekend of the summer at the box office by far.
    Two overt studio dumps…”The Collector,” a film opening in just 1,500 theatres with zero advertising that I’ve seen, sandwiched between two more broadly appealing horror films…”Orphan” and “Perfect Geraway” with fairly crap reviews.
    And…”Aliens in the Attic,” which Fox didn’t bother to screen for critics…rare for a kiddie flick, and for which I’ve seen maybe one ad. Plus it’s sandwiched between “G-Force” and “G.I. Joe.” But it’s inexplicably opening at saturation level at 3,100 theatres, wider than “Funny People.”
    And yeah I still think “Funny People” is more likely to take in maybe $22 million, not the $35 million people expect…
    Hopefully all of this ads up to succesful expansions for 500 Days and Hurt Locker, a good IMAX-aided hold for Harry Potter, and good debuts for “The Cove” and “Thirst.”

  3. don lewis (was PetalumaFilms) says:

    We wrap our horror film “The Violent Kind” Sunday morning and man, whatta ride. Total eye opener! I’ve never really been around actors so that was amazing to see and watching the crew and directors work was amazing as well.
    I think what shocked me most of all was how much I realize that at this point and time in my life, there’s NO WAY I could direct a feature narrative. The focus and time commitment would kill me. Probably literally if my wife didn’t kill me first. It’s just so much work. So much. And I always *knew* that, but to see it was stunning.
    Anyway, we wrap Sunday, party hard then off to editing. Our imdb page is here: in case anyone’s interested although my names not on there yet as my imdb credit just came through today!!
    I feel like Navin Johnson in “The Jerk!” I’m in the phone book….I AM somebody!!!

  4. Krazy Eyes says:

    I’m not sure I would call The Collector a “studio” film. It’s an independent being released by Freestyle Releasing. A 1,500 theater launch is right about the norm for them. Plus, I’ve seen quite a few ads for the film. They’ve been name checking the Saw franchise for all it’s worth so who knows how well it will do.

  5. David Poland says:

    I don’t know about the particular industrial, Mut, but these kinds of films clearly influenced the look of Strangelove. These kinds of images were the norm for military and high tech back then. You can also, I seem to recall, see that Fail Safe was trying not to be too close to these kinds of images. Same boxes with men working, but shot from different angles.

  6. LYT says:

    Aliens in the Attic is a lot better than it looks – but I would never have seen it had I not been forced to.

  7. mutinyco says:

    Oh, I know the general aesthetic for promos like this. With this one, though, there were just specific images that were dead on — the fast zoom on the button being pushed, the compositions of the guys sitting around the circular command center are almost identical to the war room, the spinning radars, etc.

  8. EthanG says:

    Ah yeah I didn’t see it was Freestyle, probably the most inept distributor in the country now that MGM has scaled back…considering this is their first release of the year, and their last two with similar theatre counts were “Delgo” and “Nobel Son” (the best Alan Rickman comedy in awhile) you think they’d try something different though..
    Aliens didn’t look bad aside from the CGI, but I don’t get why you wouldn’t screen it. It probably would get middling reviews around the same as G-Force. Kiddie flicks is one of the genres where reviews actually matter because parents don’t want to unintentionally take their really young kids to something like “Coraline.”

  9. LYT says:

    I’m baffled by why it wasn’t screened, also. I saw at midnight at Century City, with one sleeping homeless person and a crew of about five kids who laughed out loud a lot.
    Also, did you know Thomas Haden Church and J.K. Simmons voice the aliens? I didn’t, and it hasn’t been promoted.
    This could just be Fox being Fox…or someone involved actively pissed them off.

  10. Wrecktum says:

    “Also, did you know Thomas Haden Church and J.K. Simmons voice the aliens? I didn’t, and it hasn’t been promoted.”
    Why would they bother promoting that fact? It’d sell as many tickets as announcing that LYT and EthanG voiced the aliens.

  11. leahnz says:

    D-9 is gonna mess up people’s shit

  12. scooterzz says:

    there were four days of ‘aliens/attic’ screenings here in l.a….

  13. LYT says:

    scooterzz…when? I do not know one critic who was invited, though I know many that asked me if I had similarly heard nothing.
    Wrecktum…if you’re right, I should be getting a lot more work. In a Spider-Man sequel, especially.

  14. LexG says:

    I’d like to put my alien in Tisdale’s attic.
    If you know what I mean.

  15. IOIOIOI says:


  16. Chucky in Jersey says:

    EthanG is a mind-reader in a good way: “The Hurt Locker” goes national — finally — and “(500) Days of Summer” expands to NYC suburbs today. “In the Loop” also hits the suburban NYC arthouses.
    The only ad I’ve seen for “Aliens in the Attic” was in the (corporate cousin) NY Post.

  17. scooterzz says:

    screenings were on the 13th-16th on the lot….

  18. LexG says:

    Anybody here have a wife or girlfriend you want to get off your hands for the evening?
    Hook me up, I’m down.
    Ladies only. Age 18-24 pref.

  19. jeffmcm says:

    Lex, I would ay to get you a hooker if it wasn’t for the fact that (a) you’d be too afraid to accept the offer, and (b) it would be an incredibly creepy, enabling double-loser thing to do.

  20. LexG says:

    Maybe I should advertise myself on Craigslist, but I’d probably just get a lot of overweight tweakers and single moms responding.

  21. jeffmcm says:

    You’d get a lot of bear-chasing dudes.

  22. “They’ve been name checking the Saw franchise for all it’s worth so who knows how well it will do.”
    Didn’t work for Dead Silence or that movie where Kevin Bacon hit people with a baseball bat.

  23. LexG says:

    Does anyone know if they’re still making those extreme group pornos where some mid-level adult actress has like 50 or 100 or 200 guys off the street come in to break some new gang-bang record?
    Sure you only get a few seconds (Is it like half a minute maybe) and you’re sharing her with 199 other guys… but for that half-minute YOU ARE KING.
    Anyway, I should see if I can audition for one of those.
    I don’t know if I’ve ever shared my full “VISION” for LexG as Web Phenom.
    This is all toward the end that I can be enough of a Web/AOTS/talking-head commenter on TV mini-celeb that I segue into novelty porn performer.

  24. The Big Perm says:

    You don’t have to audition for those, you just show up and have to have your paperwork that you don’t have AIDS or some shit.
    Once I had dinner with a porn starlet who was in one of those. And of course the whole time what I really wanted to ask was did she actually like having 100 guys blow their wads on her, or was it just for the money, and how much money did she get for that exactly? But you know I was too much of a wuss.

  25. LYT says:

    “screenings were on the 13th-16th on the lot….”
    Sounds like junket screenings, to be that early. Regular reviewers don’t generally get invited to those.
    If in fact they were junket screenings, that still counts as “not screened for review.”

  26. LexG says:

    By POPULAR DEMAND, time for another episode of LEXG’S SUPERMARKET STRIKEOUT (DP, don’t get jumpy, these are a fan fave):
    Anyway, CLASSIC TALE tonight. So I enter the store at the same time as a lone FIRECROTCH. We keep passing each other in aisles, and she’s probably in her early to mid 30s. A little old, yeah, but seems like a cool chick. Passing each other, she even has a pleasant, welcoming, jolly “gait” and lo and behold, guess where we both eventually end up:
    Lone, single redhead, around my age, IN THE LIQUOR AISLE, trying to decide between CAPTAIN MORGAN and BACARDI, two feet away as I nervously peruse the BEAM vs. Jack option. GET THIS: She’s even *HUMMING* and pleasant, we half turn our heads at the same time.
    Again, for those in the cheap seats: Firecrotch, liquor aisle, 11 pm, by herself, humming, two feet away from a man who has two areas of expertise in life: movies and DRINKING.
    Any wagers on what I did? Out of the millions of possible LINES or tension-cutting jokes or friendly “hi’s” or “good choice” or “I’d go with the Captain”? I’ll spare you the MULTIPLE CHOICE, because it was:
    D) LEXG says nothing LIKE A DOUCHE, looks at his shoes, picks up his booze, and skulks away like a fucking LOSER.
    Honestly, an AMISH DUDE would’ve had more game than this. This was a slow, long, easy slider RIGHT OVER HOME PLATE and I’m alcoholic Dave Concepcion. NOTHING.
    To compound this shit, she ENDED UP BEHIND ME IN LINE, both of our BOTTLES OF BOOZE separated by the little plastic separater thing, and I STILL DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

  27. LexG says:

    What do you guys think is literally THE horniest an adult male has ever been in the history of the world?
    I bet I got that beat.
    I am so horny and sexually frustrated it is INSANE; You know what blows my mind is when I watch like REAL WORLD or BIG BROTHER and there’s some 22 year old who’s all like, “I CAN’T GO WITHOUT,” and truly, they literally live in a world where sex isn’t some twice-a-decade happenstance but something they come to EXPECT: Like, if they LEAVE THE HOUSE, there’s a 70% chance they will be fucking that night.
    What is that life like?
    I’m sure there’s a couple guys here who have some luck and all, but I tend to think the majority of America ISN’T MTV, that it’s all a bunch of strange, awkward, unhappy hookups when the stars align…. and even THAT seems impossible to me.
    Again, if I were Chev Chelios, and you told me to HAVE PORNO SEX by the end of *2019*, in a fucking DECADE I wouldn’t know how to go about it; NO women find me appealing, I’m UGLY AS FUCK, FAT AS FUCK, but more to the point, I have NO POSSE, NO FRIENDS, NOOOOOO Support System, whatever that means, and NO GAME.
    A SOLITARY MAN has no one to vouch for him, no one to say yeah this dude’s okay.
    I know Poland’s a hair-trigger away from BANNING ME, but I also know he genuinely likes me and is a very solid, friendly sympathetic guy… so I hate to push my good fortune, but my main and ONLY source of preoccupation RIGHT NOW is that I’m not having sex, I haven’t had sex in a very long time, I can all but guarantee I won’t have any in the foreseeable future, if EVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE.
    And it makes me want to END MY LIFE. The ONLY THINGS that I want in life are FAME, MONEY AND SEX, and I have less of any of those three things than the average fry cook in Panorama City.
    Seriously. I know DP thinks I’m shooting myself in the foot with these tirades, but someone like me whose DAY TO DAY consists of FAST FOOD-LEVELS OF MUNDANITY, all the “you have potential in the world” is about as supernatural as telling me I’ll circle the universe and turn back time to save Margot Kidder. It might be one thing to have worked on films, to have talked to celebrities EVER, or to live in a non-Valley zip, but all this shit is as INSANE to me as being starting QB for the 49ers.
    I have NO frame of reference. And next week I have to leave L.A. for weeks on end, and and when I get back to THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD in September, I’ll be starting at Ground Zero, all my HARD WORK gone to fucking shit.
    I MIGHT SLICE MY WRISTS BEFORE MORNING or swallow some fucking pills.
    IF ONE OF YOU COULD SERIOUSLY JUST ARRANGE FOR ME TO GET LAID, YOU WOULD NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER have to endure these rants. It’s been so goddamn long my hymen is back.

  28. LexG says:

    Sorry for the multiposts DP…
    The only thing I hate more than myself is that I have to LEAVE LOS ANGELES FOR A MONTH next week, the first time I’ve left the city limits in a half-decade.

  29. LexG says:

    (Not that anyone’s on….)
    Are there still strip clubs open at 4:28am since the Body Shop burned down?
    I AM UNSPEAKABLY HORNY AND LONESOME, I need sex more than ANY MAN EVER, EVER, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER in the history of the world and cannot NOT think about banging HOT CHICKS.
    Some cool dude hit me up a few weeks back with a tip on a pro, and I pussied out… I am regretting that more with each passing day.
    Hey, you, YES YOU: COULD you go the next SIXTY YEARS without ANY SEX? That is what I am looking at.

  30. The Big Perm says:

    Hard work?

  31. Blackcloud says:

    Lex, unleashing one’s id is supposed to be a lot more fun.

  32. Cadavra says:

    Lex, you had ample opportunity to talk to the woman. The worst that could have happened is that she’d brush you off, which hurts for maybe four seconds. But instead of taking a swing at the ball, you said absolutely nothng.
    There. I feel better now.

  33. Lota says:

    Lex- why would anyone be interested in you if you don’t care enough to even like yourself and “work” to get to a place where you like yourself?
    Fat bald guys who are secure enough to be kind to people, have a sense of humor and an engaging personality ‘get some’. You don;t have to have $$$ to get some.
    Make an effort to forge a new Lex or STFU
    Hey Cadavra, what is Larry Blamire doing now?

  34. The Big Perm says:

    No, Lex wil never get any because he’s set a fantasy standard for the kind of woman he’ll fuck.

  35. Lota says:

    But even hideously ugly guys get the fantasy standard Perm. I know those dudes.
    They work hard to be interesting, funny and they have a good self image and don;t care that they don;t look like Brad Pitt with washboard abs. They have something to contribute with their *personality*.
    Lex won’t work, he just gets older with each passing day and complains more.
    Lex should start trying to meet some gal his age (if he wasn;t such an ageist hypocrite–it’s okay if HE is fat and bald but she can;t be fat ans bald) in some kind of hobby thing like a volunteer activity.
    But he won;t do anything.

  36. Jeffrey Boam's Doctor says:

    I’ve met Lex types in the past and I think I know this cat inside and out. Characters like Lex actually have large egos, they think they’re a lot smarter than the rest of us and they enjoy a healthy dose of narcissism to top it all off. The faux insecurity and woe is me schtick is born from anger at anyone who appears to be getting more than them. Eventually this blog-rant schtick absorbs the original personality and becomes a crutch as it provides an outlet and an audience for what they perceive as a life not worthy of their brilliance.
    Lex I really like your free wheelin’ film rants and even some of your youtube work makes me smile. The character you play from 2am onwards has run its course.
    Here’s another tip you’ll ignore. Shave that damn Van Dyke off or grow a robust Zach G, either will improve your chances in the grocery store.
    Ever thought of spending some of your cash on a PUA course? You’d be a prime candidate for PUA3.

  37. frankbooth says:

    I know I’m wasting my time, but this is my good deed for the day.
    So you’re fat, Lex. And if I’ve got you figured out, you’re way too self-conscious to go to the gym. All those hot chicks and ripped dudes standing around, laughing at you in Carrie Kaleidoscope-Vision. That’s what you imagine, right?
    And jogging is even worse. No WAY you’re gonna be seen running down the street like a doofus, puffing and panting.
    So here’s your solution:
    Under 200 bucks*. Don’t tell me you can’t afford it. You have a credit card, don’t you?
    (*I am in no way affiliated with the people who sell this product.)
    Now every time you think about getting on the ol’ Hot Blog and whining, jump on the bike instead. It will expend some of that pent-up sexual energy, and by next month you’ll see a difference. You’ll be a svelter, more confident and camera-ready Lexie.
    Oh, and get some of that black spray-on shit for your scalp, for the videos. Don’t try it in real life, but it will look fine on camera. That or just shave your head. Seriously.

  38. Lota says:

    except the entire PUA thing is partly what has gotten Lex into his predicament JBD– he believes *their* hype and he is not the personality type to pull it off.
    I think he’d do better with David Wygant’s advice.
    Your film talk is good Lex (except the hero worship of marginally talented people like Dane Cook), but can the post-2AM stuff like the good Doctor said.
    And get rid of the facial hair or do an Abe Lincoln or something more exotic.
    Maybe their could be a blog contest to write Lex he best personal Ad–an honest personal ad that will get results with at least someone who *might* like him (it’s always a risk, but no guts no glory).
    Otherwise you can always go to Nevada and go to a medically checked brothel.

  39. LexG says:

    Booth: You can’t really have things like treadmills and stationary bikes, good ideas though they are, when you live in an apartment on the top floor.
    And I jog like a motherfucker… then jog right on back to the pad and down a case of beer and a half-bottle of booze. I barely even eat food, I usually eat like salads, Weight Watchers/Lean Cuisine dinners, canned tuna and fruit, with the occasional stop at Subway and once-a-week allowance for some junky fast food.
    But, shit, dude at 6’0, 238ish (same weight for a half-decade, I might add) it’s not like I’m the poster boy for Future John Candys of America; It’s just an awkward in-between weight, where I’m certainly not good looking or healthy looking by ANY stretch, but I’m not rolly-polly enough to be the Big Fat Party Animal in a Hawaiian shirt.
    Don’t Johnny Depp, Ethan Hawke, and Josh Brolin always have some stache-with-business on the chin thing going? That’s what I was going for — a Hawke-Brolin — not a conscious attempt at a goatee or Van Dyke.
    Anyway, hey, who needs getting laid when you GET TO GO TO A BOILER ROOM OFFICE IN THE VALLEY AND *WORK* on your Sunday afternoon from 3-11?

  40. jeffmcm says:

    Get a different apartment. Now is the best time to move in years (and I believe from what you said in the past that your current apartment sounded insanely overpriced).
    And when the economy picks up, quit your job and get a new one.

  41. frankbooth says:

    ” That’s what I was going for — a Hawke-Brolin — not a conscious attempt at a goatee or Van Dyke.”
    Yeah, but it looks like mold growing on your face — or at least on video, it does.

  42. The Big Perm says:

    So there aren’t any fitness centers in LA? Weird, I would have thought there would be.

  43. leahnz says:

    “Yeah, but it looks like mold growing on your face…’
    maybe it’s just me but damn, frankb, that cracked me up but good

  44. martin says:

    3-11 is not really that bad a shift, at least if your commute is reasonable. You get sleep from 1-9sh, get up, get some breakfast, go to the gym for an hour, then get back have some lunch, make some dumb comments on the hot blog, then get ready for work. You act like you’ve got the worst life ever, but you’ve got your own apartment and an ok sounding job, stop complaing and get your shit together.

  45. martin says:

    Hell 3-11 you probably don’t even have to deal with LA commuter traffic that much. I’d say that’s a big plus.

  46. frankbooth says:

    Except Lex probably sleeps from 5 am to 1 or 2 in the afternoon, martin.
    He used to have me fooled into thinking he was the sort of superhuman drinker who could go to bed smashed at 4 a.m. and then get up two hours later to go to work. The kind of thing you do in your early twenties. But then he admitted to needing ten hours sleep, and I figured out that he’s on the swing shift. Not so impressive. I used to do it every day.
    And no, Leah, it’s not just you. I am hilarious.

  47. The Big Perm says:

    Ten fucking hours of sleep? The way Lex brags about his drinking I figured that was the one thing he could do well.
    Is 3-11 a usual shift? Actors would kill for that schedule, plenty of time for auditions.

  48. leahnz says:

    i know, frank. you slay me. sometimes i do worry that i’m too easily amused tho

  49. martin says:

    Well, I suppose working from 3-11 then drinking alone in your apartment until 5 am and then getting some shitty drunken sleep for a few hours before rolling back into the office would be a depressing life. But whose fault is that?

  50. martin says:

    Anyway I’m not going to offer anymore advice because all this does is play into the guy’s sociopathic attention whore tendencies.

  51. Lota says:

    it does indeed Brother Martin, but since Lex has kidnapped the blog and basically made us take care of him like it’s a soup hall, it’s become a Wednesday night prayer meeting around here half the time.
    Lex–if you would lay off the sauce and get to bed Early, like 10, get up EARLY like 8-9AM, then make your latte then go to the nearest Park where decent gals run/job/blade, maybe you have stuff to talk about around the water fountain. People will spare a word or two when cooling down from a run etc., and maybe you can spew forth your movie views on the godlike-ness of Patrick Swayze and his awesome mullet in DD & ROadhouse or give your analysis of to Live and Die in LA.
    You waste too much money on alcohol. You should be saving up your $$$ to launch yourself.

  52. Lota says:

    I meant JOG heh heh, well I suppose some are jobbing too.
    Or maybe you should get a job as a waiter Lex–at least you will talk to people/meet people and see bugs in food and empathize with patrons. I mean one of you chief complaints is the isolation in your job.
    Watch the movies Waiting (first one & second one) and you will want to quit your job tomorrow.
    But seriously–everyone has given decent advice…if you still aren’t taking up the slack in your life maybe you should hire Hitch.

  53. IOIOIOI says:

    The fact that Lex is still working right now. Depresses the shit out of me for some reason. That’s a brother who needs a better job.

  54. martin says:

    The fact that IO. Can’t type. Without proper punctuation. Depresses the shit out of me for some reason. That’s a brother who needs a better education.

  55. Lota says:

    The fact that Billy Mays is on tv screaming about the Jupiter Jack depresses me. That’s a brother who needs a second life. Makes you think “hey Lex, don’t waste time while you have it”.
    does this blog track/coordinate with Facebook? I am getting a small flood of blogger notifications/requests, oddly at once.

  56. LexG says:

    Anyone else just watch ENTOURAGE tonight?
    I wish I had a hot chick like the one ALEXIS DZIENA is playing. But does it seem her body was a little more… there… when she was naked in “Broken Flowers”?
    Also, how about that storyline with DRAMA AUDITIONING MODELS to make out with? How can that NOT upset the men who watch this? I was like shaking with depression and rage seeing one slender tall MODEL CHICK after another making out with Johnny Drama. HOLY SHIT I want to be an actor or famous or someone who can GET MODELS without even TRYING.
    DZIENA POWER = YES. Just wish they’d keep her away from E., but whatever. Show makes me simultaneously elated and depressed beyond belief.

  57. LexG says:

    What is the DEAL with MATCH.COM??? Just tried logging into this for a free trial, and I specified my preference for chicks in Valley/Burbank/etc between 19 and 24… so they give me a bunch of hits, and ALL OF THEM want a dude 20-26. WHAT THE HELL?
    Maybe in a PINCH I’d take chicks 25-35, so I tried that, and NONE OF THEM are hot, plus even THEY don’t want a 36yo dude. And they’re not even all that. How come there aren’t any hot chicks on this site? RIPOFF. This place BLOWS.
    Anyone know a good Russian male order bride site?

  58. LexG says:

    Er, MAIL order, only, please. Christ.
    AND I was just watching WHACKED OUT SPORTS on Fox after TMZ, and they had some BIKINI CHICK playing volleyball who had THE ultimate BODY that I DEMAND in a female. Obviously I cannot reciprocate lookswise, so it is a MUST that I get 10 MILLION DOLLARS by the end of the 2009 calendar year, or preferrably by 3pm tomorrow so I can quit my job and be a HAPPY PERSON.
    Honestly, if I go to AA, will there be hot chicks?

  59. frankbooth says:

    Yes, there will be. But they’re onto guys like you, and they have scary older women for sponsors who will be giving you the evil eye.
    You can make it work, but you have to give the appearance of being sincere. Go through the motions and get a sponsor of your own and play the game. Otherwise they’ll instantly deduce what you’re up to and won’t go near you.
    But seriously, try it. GOOD PLAN.

  60. The Big Perm says:

    Once I put out an audition notice looking for actresses for a short film, and they let me pee on them.

  61. frankbooth says:

    Did they get you back by sticking acupuncture needles in your eye and slicing off your foot?

  62. Cadavra says:

    “Hey Cadavra, what is Larry Blamire doing now?”
    What pretty much every other indie filmmaker is doing right now: seeking financing for more pictures. We have six completed scripts (five by him, one by me, only one of them a genre spoof), any one of which could start pre-production tomorrow if we had the dough.

  63. Lota says:

    Thanks Cadavra, Tell him he OWNS.
    There might be a couple states where he can get decent grants right now but he’d have to film there, and do editing there, but it might be hard to move his ensemble.

  64. jeffmcm says:

    I’ll say amen to that, plus promise that I’ll buy copies of Lost Skeleton 2 and Dark and Stormy Night whenever they come out on DVD.

  65. Cadavra says:

    Lota: With so much runaway production going on, we really do want to shoot here in L.A. as much as we can.

  66. Lota says:

    Cadavra, next sugar daddy I meet I will turn down the sparkly rocks and will ask for a “give Larry some money” gift card instead. GOOD IDEA

  67. They say history frequently repeats itself, today it’s bed bug problems what’s next Our elected representatives squandering time on a Health care bill whenever they should really be working full time on developing jobs?

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