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David Poland

By David Poland

BYOB – Labor Day

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68 Responses to “BYOB – Labor Day”

  1. leahnz says:

    this is kinda sweet. the times they are a’changin:
    what will the next hundred look like?

  2. Wrecktum says:

    They skip the 13 years between Mary Poppins and Star Wars. A small movie called 2001 came out during that time.

  3. leahnz says:

    yeah, they skip loads of important stuff and don’t necessarily even use the best shots from the films referenced; but while it’s not terribly comprehensive and rather simplistic, i kind of like it for its composition and wistful feeling, invoking nostalgia for the past and hope for the future

  4. anghus says:

    No Gollum in those clips?

  5. anghus says:

    oh, and i wanted to do this:
    now lex has no reason to post.

  6. LexG says:

    Anghus: HA! Kudos on including SNEAKERNIGHT!
    I will try heartily not to annoy up the Blog tonight, but I just got back from “Extract.” MILA KUNIS sets NEW SCREEN RECORDS for SCORCHING HOTNESS. GIMME A B…
    I was already a SUPER FAN from ’70s Show, and Sarah Marshall solidified her legendary status, but after EXTRACT I think K-STEW, Megan, Paris, and Biel might be getting A NEW ROOMMATE in THE HOUSE OF LEX.
    (Insert VANILLA EXTRACT JOKE. Then insert an “insert” joke.)
    But anyone notice the movie is just kind of misshapen and… there? Huge Judge fan here, but I kept waiting for it to really catch fire. Bateman, Affleck, Kunis, Beth Grant, Koechner, Matt Schulze and ESPECIALLY that new kid who played the gigolo all killed in it, but so low-wattage, at times it bordered on stasis.

  7. LYT says:

    Looks like I narrowly missed a Lex encounter…assuming he saw Extract at that certain Hollywood theater.

  8. LexG says:

    LOU… Fuck yeah, that’s where I was. YEP YEP.
    Okay, I have a serious question so I’ll keep it lowercase so you know I’m not going to lamely co-opt the blog again, but I’d actually appreciate some HONEST answers from as MANY people as are willing to answer:
    When you see famous actresses, models, and female pop stars on TV, don’t you (HONEST NOW) wish THAT was your girlfriend or who you were sleeping with?
    Doesn’t it kind of bum you out that guys like Derek Jeter have banged so many HOT ACTRESSES but you haven’t?
    Okay, answers appreciated.

  9. LexG says:

    C’mon, flip the script, Zoe Bell. You don’t wish you were Urbanning it up every third second of your existance?
    Man my DREAM TEAM would be The Stew, the Fox, the Hilt, Biel, Kunis, Ev-R-Wood, Hudgens and like too many others to name. But I just read that Derek Jeter is pulling smoking-ass Minka Kelly from FNL and 500 Days, and this is AFTER that BORING JOCK allegedly pulled Alba, Biel, The Johanss, and like EVERY OTHER CHICK EVER that I want to BIZZZZANG.
    How do I become THE NEW DEREK JETER? Kinda boggles the mind, since ‘thletes are SO BORING and un-Hollywood and unironic. How does this dude pull H-Town Squack in the NYC?

  10. dietcock says:

    Lex, are you really asking how Derek Jeter, an incredibly handsome superstar on the biggest team in sports who makes $20 million/year, “pulls squack?” There’s a pecking order to these things. You may think that everyone idolizes Hollywood stars, but do you know who the Hollywood stars idolize? Rock stars and athletes, that’s who. The actresses that you speak of aren’t notches in Jeter’s belt; it’s actually the other way around.

  11. LexG says:

    Cock, I get that; Plus I actually dig the Yankees. It’s just… athletes? So unironic and un-rock n roll, so NOT badass.
    EVERY JOCK EVER INTERVIEWS is all, “Yeah this is what we did out there, we just gotta get out there and win”…. SO un-neurotic, SO unexciting, so un-edgy.
    And I like Jeter fine, but JOCKS and H-town are such strange bedfellows. Like, you’re this supernaturally smoking L.A. chick who rolls IN THE CLUB with movie stars and rock gods… you want the POSITIVE MAN WHO CAN’T DRINK AND DRUG?
    These celebs need to put THE LEX NOTCH on their belt. I got a shitload of Saran Wrap and am even willing to figure out a dental dam if that’s what it takes. MAKE IT HAPPEN. (MAKE IT HAPPEN should TOTALLY be my catchphrase on T-Shirts with my Cartoon pic on it.)

  12. LexG says:

    I used to have a BRILLIANT standup bit that should be an SNL character or Apatow movie segment to this day about how they should have AN ATHLETE WHO ISN’T POSITIVE. Like, some pro baseball or football player who’s all self-doubting and doesn’t really give a shit if his team wins and thinks his tool teammates take it all too seriously so occasionally he fucks up a play just to amuse himself and piss off the home crowd.

  13. Oh look, Lex overtook the thread. I guess alcoholics don’t take a day off like the rest of America.

  14. leahnz says:

    “C’mon, flip the script, Zoe Bell. You don’t wish you were Urbanning it up every third second of your existance?”
    hell no, not even, cuz while the karl may be a fine specimen of manhood and i fancy him like mad on camera, in person he’s just a family man with a wife and wee nippers, struggling to get good roles while trying to keep the beer gut at bay…
    the ‘perfect celebrity’ you pine for is just an image, a facade, an illusion, an inside joke if you will. and you’ve fallen for it hook, line and sinker
    these celeb chicks you blow your wad over DON’T LOOK LIKE THAT IN REAL LIFE, there’s ‘the image’ and then there’s the real person, and the image doesn’t exist without hair and make-up artists and good lighting and stylists and designer clothes and push-up bras and high heels and photoshop; in real life they’re just girls – often short/tiny and constantly struggling to stay skinny enough – with flaws and problems, who get pimples and sweat and take stinky dumps and get dark under-eye circles/bags and menstruate and have bad breath/bad hair in the morning, plus they have PESONALITIES and OPINIONS (god forbid). yes, even models – who are often even more insecure and neurotic – are just regular people who schlep around when they’re not working and all made up.
    and i have to laugh every time you mention mark wahlberg or so-and-so being A GOD and banging like 100 hot chicks, when in fact mark wahlberg is like daddy day care in real life, married with like 7 kids, 2 of which are always hanging off of him. your perception is so askew, lex luthor, you’re pining for an image – an illusion of perfection – that isn’t real, just like a naive teen-age boy. you can’t screw an image. someone needs to do ‘a cher’ from moonlighting and slap you upside the head shouting ‘snapoutofit!’. seriously

  15. Ju-osh says:

    …And with leahnz’s simple, succinct, seemingly obvious explanation of reality, the thread is dead.

  16. Wrecktum says:

    When does Jewison get his honorary Oscar??

  17. martin says:

    “i’m not at all like Derek Jeter, and I’ll use saran wrap!” Because that’s what chicks want to hear, not like a multimillionaire athlete, and you have plastic sheeting to go down on her. I mean, who’s going to turn that down?

  18. LexG says:

    Whoa I just woke up and I’m already SUPER horny. Anyone who wants to be CHAAAAARMED should put on MTV with THE QUICKNESS because IT’S ON WITH ALEXA CHUNG is on.
    She is SO DELIGHTFUL it’s unreal. My animations need to take off just so I can be a guest on this show and answer her funny questions. If someone would cast me and Alexa Chung in a ROMANTIC COMEDY, it would be the new WHEN HARRY MET SALLY only wish a taller cooler chick and a dude with less of a Jewfro.
    It would take the nation by storm.
    Also since it’s BYOB: Hey, who lives in an apartment? (Scattered cheers) WHAT’S THE DEAL with the laundry room? You ever go down to the laundry room and have to do the math? Like there’s one free washer but the other three are going but all the dryers are used and there’s some flag-planting basket that’s been on top since ’77? And you have to work in two hours but you FUCKING KNOW they’re not gonna come take there shit out in a timely manner?
    How the fuck do you forget YOU’RE DOING LAYNDRY? Motherfuckers all LEAVING THEIR DAMP SHIT IN THERE ALL DAY and holding everyone up. Laundry is the WORST SHIT EVER and every time I do it, I STOPWATCH that shit so somebody doesn’t FUCK WITH MY DRAWERS, but apparently I’m the only one who isn’t CASUAL to the point of forgetfulness about leaving clothes to mildew in some public basin. Fucking laundry. I’m gonna have to go out and BUY NEW CLOTHES in the next hour because I can’t get a machine.

  19. Jeffrey Boam's Doctor says:

    I just got the image of LexG reciting his posts out loud (in his standup voice natch) in front of his puter screen. Making sure the Lexisms and inflections are just right before posting.

  20. LexG says:

    JBD: HA!
    No, I free-form EVERYTHING. If I ever planned stuff or did revisions, it might actually be funny or concise or less annoying or have a point.
    Even when I did standup I never kept notes or wrote anything down, and barely practiced. I just got up and ranted. When I wrote screenplays or short fiction, I wrote it one time then never changed a thing. Life’s too fucking short, just move on.
    ATTENTION ALL SCREENWRITERS: Rewriting is a douche’s crutch. If it sucks on first pass, it straight sucks. Fuck rewriting, fuck “drafts.” Once and you’re out. Write something else.
    Now, AFTER I post these gems, I sit back and crack myself up laughing at them. I usually re-read an average post of mine two, three dozen times. I’m my own biggest fan.

  21. Hallick says:

    Don’t forget about the fuckers that love to swoop down on your wash, oh I dunno, about .005 seconds after the machine stops, and just dump your wet clothes out on the counter before you can get halfway back to the laundry room since you were considerate enough to time the wash cycle in the first place. A fistful of broken up after dinner mints into the pockets for the next dumper that tries that trick again.

  22. jennab says:

    Yes, Lex, when will you and your team of therapists figure out that you fetishize all the “young HOT CHICKS” precisely because they are so unavailable to you. Sorta funny in mid-20’s, less so by mid-30’s, downright pathetic by mid-50’s. Grow up and get real…you’re smart and funny, no matter how fat and unattractive (your own admission) you are there’s someone out there for you, get on eharmony, or something…oh god, just had an image of LG’s first mortifying “coffee date,” during which he BLATHERS ON about K-Stew!

  23. leahnz says:

    yes of course, sorry, wrong ‘moon’ (maybe ‘moonlighting’ rose from my subconscious having seen cybil sheppard on an episode of ‘psyche’ the other day)

  24. leahnz says:

    (maybe DP should just rename the BOYBs ‘LGBYOB’ and be done with it)

  25. LYT says:

    “LGBYOB” is too close to LGBT, or, the even more politically correct LGBTIQ.
    (Never hear that one? It stands for “lesbian/gay/bisexual/transexual/intergendered/questioning.” I heard it from a “female” online date who was actually “intergendered.” Yeah. That’s internet dating for ya.)

  26. LexG says:

    Just to amuse myself, I took jennab’s advice and tried joining *eHarmony.*
    Spent a fucking HALF-HOUR filling out their goddamn New Agey bullshit personality form, then guess what. My results were that THEY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO MATCH ME, that their model could not predict who I’d have chemistry with, that my personality profile was so distinctive/unmatchable that I “would not benefit from their service.”
    Any more bright ideas, peanut gallery? Other than more Craigslist hookups and lapdances?

  27. LexG says:

    And stupid thing about that site is all they did was ask ME like a thousand questions about my temper, drinking and physical fitness, and NOTHING about what kind of chick I want —
    ie, 18-24, HOT, stupid, Atheist, no relatives or friends, weak-willed or insecure, horny, tall, bisexual, B or C cup, smoker, wears tiny outfits, lots of smeary eye makeup, wears only heels and big sunglasses…

  28. jeffmcm says:

    I think the appropriate response here is a big fat ‘HA HA’.

  29. martin says:

    I don’t think that’s out of the ordinary, I signed up for e-harmony around 2007ish and was promptly rejected. I thought it was because there were some religious style questions that I answered in a way they didn’t approve. Honestly they might as well pull something like that, or else they’re just another (which is great btw).

  30. martin says:

    Ah the 90s, when Michael Bay had some taste:

  31. LexG says:

    Hey no such problems at the site Online Booty Call. BOO-YAH! Registered and viewing pics within three minutes.
    Unfortunately, 99% of them look like the lead actress from the upcoming motion picture PRECIOUS.

  32. Wrecktum says:

    Maybe there’s a diamond in the rough.

  33. Lex actually reminds me of a character from a movie that was out last year called Men’s Group. Throughout it is Steven Rodgers performing standup with wild rapturous applauds. 2/3s of the way through its revealed that he’s only doing standup in his apartment to an audience comprised of his daughters toys. he then kills himself. Hmmm.
    Good movie though.

  34. LexG says:

    Because all the FANS care:
    I am in PURE Mann/Scarface/MIAMI VICE synthed-out Dirk Diggler-singing-The Touch ’83/’84 nostalgia, wishing my life had peaked in that magical year of 1983, all full of skin-tight Alligator polos, with me in a Gary Sandy flattened feather-cut and maybe even a coke-stache, doing bumps of yey while cranking up my SYNTH and driving the Porsche from Risky Business and pulling some Betsy Russell-meets-Lisa Langlois chick and we’d go see some PRIVATE SCHOOL/MAN WHO WASN’T THERE IN SUPER 3-D double feature while drinking Coke in the OLD CANS and smoking Marlboro Soft Pack then going home to flip through the CABLE GUIDE and all excited that EDDIE MURPHY DELIRIOUS *and* FIRST BLOOD *and* 48 HOURS were all going to premiere on HBO in the next month, then she’d put on her LEGGINGS and HEADBAND while I put on my RAY BANS and we blasted either HALL AND OATES H20, Def Leppard Pyromania, OR that newfangled MJ “Thriller” album on CASSETTE.
    We’d also eat some GROUND ROUND leftovers and catch the CRAPPY 3-D version of REVENGE OF THE CREATURE on WOR-TV outta New York but flip over to REAL PEOPLE WITH BYRON ALLEN using our old-scool, button-punching CABLE BOX that you had to drag across the room and if you figured out the horizontal hold you could watch BIZARRE or CINEMAX without paying for it.
    1983 was by ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINTION the SINGLE MOST DISTINCTIVE, COLORFUL, and PERFECT year the world has ever registered.
    Best movies, best music, best fashions, best vibe. You can see ANY movie from 1983 and be transported back to the MOST DISTINCTIVE AND ALIVE YEAR the modern world has EVER OFFERED, or at least for anyone from GEN X. I don’t doubt that ’67 or ’72 or ’77 were all distinctive, and I know that 1980 is a close-runner up from my childhood where EVERYTHING has a definite “1980 look.”
    Are the years still distinguishable to young people? Other than emo shit and hip-hop getting more tinny instead of chunky in the last five years, and the kids growing their hair out, I can’t tell 2001 from 2009.

  35. jennab says:

    Oh, Martin & Lex, that sux. Well, all you really need to do, and it’s free, is say to yourself in the mirror every morning, with sincerity and authenticity, “I stand for love,” and you’ll have love within six months.
    Now Lex, this won’t work for you because you don’t truly stand for love, you stand for masturbatory fantasy, so that’s what shows up for you.
    Re: 80’s ruled…every generation idealizes the era of its youth because you were young and had NO responsibility, your life was rife with possibility, but seriously…I’ll take Kings of Leon or anything Jack White over Def Leppard any day (though, if you haven’t, you must check out Mariah’s version of Bringing on the Heartbreak, classic).
    Even my 13-year-old son recognizes, “Mom, 80’s rock SUCKED, but 80’s synth RULED.” Fair enough, very astute child.
    They’ll remember texting, myspace, facebook, Xbox Live, Family Guy, South Park, Dimitri Martin, etc. The kids are all right.
    Re: your writing…okay, you’re right, with its rigor and discipline, screenwriting is not your form…more akin to building a house, and you wouldn’t expect to grab a pile of lumber, start hammering furiously and have anything habitable, now would you?
    But, you’re a talented writer, you’ve got a distinctive voice…I like your unfettered stream of consciousness. Take your above paragraph about your fantasy 80’s dude (jeezus, even your memories are FANTASY) and turn it into some Brett Easton Ellis shit and sell it! I’d read it…

  36. martin says:

    Jenna not looking for love, most guys do not go on these services looking for “love” although that can be frustrating when the other party is.

  37. Jeffrey Boam's Doctor says:

    Fuck. Am I the only one a little creeped out by the calibre of man on this blog. Doesn’t anyone here have a good marriage and a hot wife they fuck regularly?
    It’s like driving through the streets of Escape from New York around here sometimes.

  38. jennab says:

    But Martin, I thought eHarmony was the “love” or deep companionship site, but you’re probably right. And JBM, I have a great, happy long-term (15+ years) marriage! Ideally, every facet of your relationship just keeps getting better, even as there are bumps along the road that ultimately strengthen your union. It IS possible!

  39. The Big Perm says:

    Marriage? Eeeeigg.

  40. Triple Option says:

    Jennab wrote: Even my 13-year-old son recognizes, “Mom, 80’s rock SUCKED, but 80’s synth RULED.” Fair enough, very astute child.

  41. LexG says:

    BOO-YEAH, GOOD IDEA TIME, so everyone needs to be ALL EARS:
    Tonight my A plan is to drink a bottle of vodka, sixteen beers and listen to “Hurt” by NIN while pondering a call to the Suicide hotline…
    OR, what if I made a new YouTube featuring the VARYING STYLES of my ACTING.
    Yes, a LEXG acting video. It’ll feature several different styles — say, NYC cop, druggie, Shakespearean, domestic dad/husband, gay sailor…
    Like two minutes of me doing BAD IMPROV (because I write all my own material and I don’t know how copyrights work if I acted out a scene from a specific movie or show.)
    Of course it’ll be taken down within 24 hours once McDouche and frankbitch start bagging on my appearance, but since I want to be a CHARACTER ACTOR my Dennis Franzian looks shouldn’t be too much of an issue.
    Then I will post it to L.A. casting sites (or not, I won’t pay money over the internet to join anything) and hopefully someone will cast me to be in a MAJOR SAG MOTION PICTURE OR TV SHOW, because I’ve done a few student films and they don’t really lead to anything. Plus you don’t get famous from them.
    Or I could just punch myself around the apartment, Norton in FIGHT CLUB style.

  42. LexG says:

    Yeah, fuck all that, I’m just gonna get drunk and watch Sasha Grey videos.
    Better plan.

  43. martin says:

    Good call.

  44. jennab says:

    Triple Option, let me clarify: 80’s hair metal sucked, not that it doesn’t have its campy appeal today…early Clash was more punk…no fan of REO Speedwagon or Rush, but, to each his own…touche on Metallica & Back in Black, but nothing since from AC/DC. And home schooled…? Are they teaching history of rock at your local middle school?

  45. martin says:
    This looks pretty good, I wonder though if people in the theater will still think it’s a joke or a real movie?

  46. Triple Option says:

    e-Harmony will not take you if you are depressed. While it seems like “Well, if I had a gf, I wouldn’t be depressed,” but I believe, and this is just speculation on my part, is that if you’re too depressed then you aren’t in a position to be in a healthy relationship and/or you wouldn

  47. LexG says:

    T.O., thanks for the info, and yeah they can fuck right on off if they’re affiliated with any FAITH-BASED BULLSHIT, I want nothing to do with ANYthing of the sort, especially when I’m angling to GET LAID.
    What kind of limp-dick would create a system that’s based on PERSONALITY and NOT looks? WHO CARES about personality????
    Shit, I’m half-hoping for a MUTE CHICK. And there’s gotta be a Hot-ass Aspberger’s chick out there like that one on Top Model a couple years ago. I’m TOTALLY DOWN for something like that.
    The extension of the conversation as far as I care can be:
    “Did you bring condoms?” “Yep.” “Okay… did you bring money?” “Yep.” “Okay, what outfit and heels do you want me to wear?” MAKE IT HAPPEN.
    But anyway, another night, another 1am. I didn’t say ten words to another human being today (or yesterday.)
    Tomorrow more of the same. Fuck, NEXT YEAR more of the same.
    This is why I rant like I rant: In THIS CITY, it is literally better to just work toward becoming a millionaire than to go on a coffee date. There are NO ATTRACTIVE WOMEN in this town who will date a NON-RICH GUY. It is a FACT.
    Whatever people here say about my bland/chubby looks, I could look like fucking Brad Pitt in 1991, but when you drive a beat-up 1990 Ford Taurus and your job is the decidedly unsexy world of post-post-post-production DVD tweakery…
    well, you’re limited to 220-pound cat-lady-bespectacled TWOP type chicks with 29 cats who REALLY like John Krasinski and the ’80s Rewind at noon. Or non-discriminating, new-to-the-country first-gen Asian chicks.
    When I get money I am going to redecorate my mansion to look like EYES WIDE SHUT and put a sign out front that reads THE HOUSE OF VAG, and every cent I make is going to go toward having models, porn starlets, movie starlets, hookers and escorts IN LITTLE OUTFITS clinging to me while I SIT ON A THRONE and have them tell me that I AM THEIR GOD.

  48. IOIOIOI says:

    Oh snap! The mild mannered fella from Aussie land just… snapped. Well, yeah, I can understand.
    Again: Lex is stated-sanctioned, and I suck. Go figure?

  49. The Big Perm says:

    I think Lex is unfair in his 6:38 post when he says that Jeff and Frankbooth would make fun of his appearance if he put up new videos. I mean, I would too.

  50. jennab says:

    LexG wrote:
    “yeah they can fuck right on off if they’re affiliated with any FAITH-BASED BULLSHIT, I want nothing to do with ANYthing of the sort, especially when I’m angling to GET LAID.”
    How’s that working out for you, Lex?
    If chubby/geeky Harry Knowles can get a wife, you have no excuses, except your self-loathing. Strangely, women find that singularly unattractive.
    I have seen many a conventionally unattractive man, not titans of industry either, attract the opposites due to charisma & confidence, not false bravado and seething hostility.
    If anyone on this blog could stand a little faith…

  51. jeffmcm says:

    If Lex is going to remove his videos at the slightest hint of criticism or heckling – especially when it’s coming from people who, by and large, want him to succeed – then he has no business trying what he’s trying.

  52. LexG says:

    Heh, check out Jeff “I want to throw a bottle at you” McDouche being ever-so supportive with his disingenuous Eddie Deezen ass. At least Bitch Perm doesn’t insult my intelligence.
    Jennab, appreciate that you’re a SUPER FAN and all, but religion is THE LAST THING, EVER I EVER want to hear about EVER again. Well, other than maybe MARRIAGE. UGH.

  53. Wrecktum says:

    “Well, other than maybe MARRIAGE. UGH.”
    Yes, happiness and contentment are shit, aren’t they?

  54. LexG says:

    The only TRUE contentmen and happiness on this earth for a GOD comes in the form of conquering newer, younger, hotter, skinner chicks. And fame.
    Plus, women are just kind of annoying to talk to.

  55. LexG says:

    Word of advice to any chicks posting on Online Booty Call Dot-Com:
    Probably not a good idea to be sporting an obvious and festering cold sore in your “alluring” pic.
    Looks like another sexless night/week/month/year! YAY!

  56. jeffmcm says:

    Lex, I do want to throw a bottle at you. And I also have been more supportive of you than you deserve. They aren’t mutually exclusive. But like I’ve said, you’re running out of chances with me (apparently Poland has an inexhaustible supply).

  57. LexG says:

    Well, it’s partially thanks to you (and also Frankbitch and Jeff B’s Dicksack, maybe a little Perm in there but he’s just kind of a chronic asshole and I could lay down fucking PRYOR LIVE IN CONCERT looking like Brad Pitt and that cockknocker would ride my sack over it) that I’m probably set back 6-8 months at something I was working towards in all earnestness– ie, becoming enough of a Web presence with video reviews and skits that I’d eventually, hopefully work my way up to some sort of talking-head type gigs on cable movie shows.
    Poland was very encouraging about this and was slowly breaking through my MOUNTAINS of self-doubt and self-hatred that maybe this is something I could and make money at and get out of my horrific drunken rut.
    Then a few COCKSUCKERS had to set me off when I was just in absolutely the wrong mood to put up with any shit, and I’ve basically thrown in the towel on some generous offers (and encouragement) to just continue with my unproductive narcissistic ways.
    And that’s not particularly me putting my sensitivities and overreactions on a couple of dickbags, it’s on me, I know that, but ranting about Entourage or Perfect Getaway for the delight of a whopping 120 viewers isn’t worth hearing taunts that make you LITERALLY want to cut at your own flesh.

  58. LexG says:

    But don’t feel too bad, Slappy, I really want to be an actor, not a film critic.
    I had an offer to come and read for an upcoming play (and subsequent related film) next Friday, but I had to turn down the audition because the Megan Fox movie comes out that day.

  59. jeffmcm says:

    Anytime you want to apologize for blaming us for your own shitty decisions, we’ll all be happy to read it.

  60. The Big Perm says:

    Don’t worry Lex, if you ever do anything really good I’ll say so. But since Pryor was a comedian who rewrote and busted his ass on his material and you’re completely lazy, that will never happen so I never have to change!
    Admit it, I am all that you wish to be (except that I’m not banging Megan Fox).

  61. Hallick says:

    “I had an offer to come and read for an upcoming play (and subsequent related film) next Friday, but I had to turn down the audition because the Megan Fox movie comes out that day.”

  62. Hallick says:

    “Then a few COCKSUCKERS had to set me off when I was just in absolutely the wrong mood to put up with any shit, and I’ve basically thrown in the towel on some generous offers (and encouragement) to just continue with my unproductive narcissistic ways.”
    Lex, if you can’t do the toil and the grind of building yourself a career at this, and you can’t stop letting negative feedback from people you don’t even respect shut you down, then the only thing SAG you’ll be seeing is the skin on your body as you age and rot away in a job you hate, an apartment you can’t stand, and a city you despise.
    God, you’ve tried acting, right? The rejection in that field is INFINITELY worse than what you’ve felt here, isn’t it? Buckle down, tune the negative crap out, and just WORK WORK WORK.

  63. The Big Perm says:

    Yeah, what I’m doing it toughening him up. What’s Lex going to do if he makes it in some way and an article about him ends up on AICN and THOSE jackals get at him?
    So a friend of mine just went out to LA. She’s been there about two months and has a SAG card now. All you have to do is be an extra in three movies and you can get one. Shit, that’s barely work.

  64. LexG says:

    Perm, just for the record, you don’t merely have to be an extra in three films to qualify for SAG. That is untrue. I have been an extra in more than three films, plus some TV shows. You have to do something on set (like blow an A.D. or kiss some serious ass, or get chosen to do something in the scene above the call in the forefront with minor acting/miming required) to get your vouchers signed toward qualifying for SAG status.
    And as should be obvious, attractive women are more likely to get singled out from a pack of extras than some doughy douche (though I was a lean, mean 175 when I was doing extra work for Buffy, Scream, E.R. and 90210 back in the day.)
    There are people who do Central extra work for months, even years, and are always just in crowd shit or bar scenes and never get bumped up or get signed vouchers toward SAG.
    It’s not merely a matter of clocking in as any old extra on three productions.

  65. Lex, where are you in Scream? I’ve seen that movie [insert embarrassing number] times and know that movie like the back of my hand. I am legitimately interested.

  66. jeffmcm says:

    I’m not an actor, nor would I ever want to be, but it amuses me that I know soooooo many people who are in SAG and all it means is that they are allowed to go to a slightly more interesting pool of auditions. Most of them didn’t even work that hard to make it happen, either.
    And no, most of them aren’t trust fund babies, either.

Quote Unquotesee all »

It shows how out of it I was in trying to be in it, acknowledging that I was out of it to myself, and then thinking, “Okay, how do I stop being out of it? Well, I get some legitimate illogical narrative ideas” — some novel, you know?

So I decided on three writers that I might be able to option their material and get some producer, or myself as producer, and then get some writer to do a screenplay on it, and maybe make a movie.

And so the three projects were “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep,” “Naked Lunch” and a collection of Bukowski. Which, in 1975, forget it — I mean, that was nuts. Hollywood would not touch any of that, but I was looking for something commercial, and I thought that all of these things were coming.

There would be no Blade Runner if there was no Ray Bradbury. I couldn’t find Philip K. Dick. His agent didn’t even know where he was. And so I gave up.

I was walking down the street and I ran into Bradbury — he directed a play that I was going to do as an actor, so we know each other, but he yelled “hi” — and I’d forgot who he was.

So at my girlfriend Barbara Hershey’s urging — I was with her at that moment — she said, “Talk to him! That guy really wants to talk to you,” and I said “No, fuck him,” and keep walking.

But then I did, and then I realized who it was, and I thought, “Wait, he’s in that realm, maybe he knows Philip K. Dick.” I said, “You know a guy named—” “Yeah, sure — you want his phone number?”

My friend paid my rent for a year while I wrote, because it turned out we couldn’t get a writer. My friends kept on me about, well, if you can’t get a writer, then you write.”
~ Hampton Fancher

“That was the most disappointing thing to me in how this thing was played. Is that I’m on the phone with you now, after all that’s been said, and the fundamental distinction between what James is dealing with in these other cases is not actually brought to the fore. The fundamental difference is that James Franco didn’t seek to use his position to have sex with anyone. There’s not a case of that. He wasn’t using his position or status to try to solicit a sexual favor from anyone. If he had — if that were what the accusation involved — the show would not have gone on. We would have folded up shop and we would have not completed the show. Because then it would have been the same as Harvey Weinstein, or Les Moonves, or any of these cases that are fundamental to this new paradigm. Did you not notice that? Why did you not notice that? Is that not something notable to say, journalistically? Because nobody could find the voice to say it. I’m not just being rhetorical. Why is it that you and the other critics, none of you could find the voice to say, “You know, it’s not this, it’s that”? Because — let me go on and speak further to this. If you go back to the L.A. Times piece, that’s what it lacked. That’s what they were not able to deliver. The one example in the five that involved an issue of a sexual act was between James and a woman he was dating, who he was not working with. There was no professional dynamic in any capacity.

~ David Simon